.:♥:.:Shared♥Solitude:.:♥~♥:. (shared_solitude) wrote, @ 2006-11-03 15:15:00

If you dont like what I have to say then leave.
I spent my childhood dreaming of some fathomed utopia whilst hiding from the painful reality of daily life. I believed that it coud be better, and have realized that its only different.

I'm such a fucking ditz. I hate my life, I hate what I have done to literally everyone I know. I hate that I abandoned my children for a man. I hate that I allowed myself to believe. I hate that I thought life would be better, when in fact its worse.

I fucking hate everything and everyone.

I'm not looking for pity, so dont give it. I dont want your understanding. I just want to be left alone to wait out this painful existance I have created for myself. I dont want to feel. I want my numb back.

I'm a sick twisted dumb bitch who candy coats her existance, but for what and who and why I dont know. I'm done pretending I want to be a part of this world, that I can matter or make a difference. It doesnt fucking matter, in the end, it doesnt fucking matter.

darksideslady 2006-11-04 11:40 (link)

Melody if you meant it about not wanting anyone to comment on this and to just leave you alone, you wouldn't have posted it in the first place and you certainly wouldn't have left the option to comment open. So I'll just say, I'm here if you need to talk. jwcky@hotmail.com or 606-454-2228 I'm very good at candy coating life myself, so I know where you're coming from my friend. love and hugs jan (Reply to this) (Thread)

No Pity from me....!! originalsin_66 2006-11-05 12:22 (link)

Melody..... You know I am not one to give pity or say that I understand how someone is feeling or thinking. So dont look at this that way. I am simply going to say to you what YOU said to ME once while I was in this kind of place in my life......"Pick yourself up, Dust yourself off" and realize that we all make choices in our lives that we regret for whatever reason. Thats part of life. Only YOU can make changes to your life to make it what you want it to be. And if the changes are not possible, then you do what you can to make it happier......realize you have done what you had to/could do......and just keep on keeping on. You may not think that you matter in this world......and to some people, you dont......but you know that you DO matter to your kids, even if they dont live with you. You are their Mother and that fact will never change. I'm here....if you need to yell and scream at someone, if you need to talk or need a sounding board, if you need to cry and think out loud......or if you just need someone to listen to whatever it is that you need to say. You know how to find me, if you need me........ Hugs, good vibes and much support..... Lisa (Reply to this) (Thread)

	I know Im like a ghost numbedemotions 2006-11-25 10:25 (link)
	But I was always a good listener. I know you arent wondering because it seems youre busy growing yourself a new skin as well ......... but I'm doing okay. Getting over things and kinda in this whole rebirth mode. it's actually been very healthy for me. May you find peace soon, Jay (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: I know Im like a ghost numbedemotions 2006-11-25 10:27 (link)
	Also, if you want to rant -- which I cannot promise I'll get to quickly as I am so rarely online.... aquarian.munkey@gmail.com I'll get back to you when I get the chance. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)