Here We Go Again
‘Only the Foolish Believe Suffering is Just Wages for Being Different.’ ~ The Cheshire Cat, American McGee’s Alice
It took me a good deal of time and polling practically all of my friends and acquaintances, but the votes are in, and I’m back on this site. Though I’m still not sure this is the best move for me to make, I’ve decided to use this old page as a location to explain myself in detail, thus assisting the many who have stepped forward recently interested in what I have to say about the infamy I’ve gained for simply being different.
In recent months I have become increasingly aware of just how disliked I am on the internet, mostly to my amusement…but I can say the amusement tapered for me after I was publicly, physically attacked for my beliefs.
Following a brief google search to get an idea of what most everyone thinks of me, I found that I’m hated on hundreds of websites, mocked in English, Spanish, French and German, become somewhat of a household name for FFVII fans, and can make no move without the information ending up plastered all over my page on Encyclopedia Dramatica.
I am the Sephirothslave.
Even though I’ve long accepted that my life will never be an easy one, I’ve decided to make an attempt at clearing up the mess that has occurred because my younger self failed miserably in establishing the boundaries of where the FFVII-Fan ends and the Practitioner in the art of Astral Projection begins. Almost no one ever realizes that I have two different internet personas – one who is the FFVII fan, who debates, writes fanfiction and draws fanart. The other is who is addressing all who read this here, a normal woman, working her way through college, working, living on her own and loving the independence of being away from my family and starting my own life.
In this first entry I will try to explain why I am different from the hundreds of psychotic fangirls running around the internet, popping up on forums screaming, “I am Sephiroth’s wife! ME! ONLY ME!”
I am not like them in any way.
You see, Final Fantasy VII and the characters there in are fictional. They don’t exist. As most of you who read this will have missed the newsflash that I’m aware of this, allow me to elaborate: None of the characters of FFVII are real. None of them. Yes, even including Sephiroth.
Back when I first started spontaneously projecting, I didn’t know what I was doing…I thought I was dreaming and nothing more, even though there were major differences in those dreams than in the other dreams I had.
1.) They were crystal clear after I woke up, and didn’t fade. I remembered each as though it had happened in my daily life.
2.) Each was consecutive to the last; i.e. they picked up from where the last left off.
And it was in these ‘dreams’ that I encountered the archangel Sephiroth.
At the time, I was seeing a psychiatrist whom I quite liked, and eventually chose to confide these dreams to her, since I couldn’t make heads or tails of why I was having them…not that I was going to complain. Through those dreams, I was being granted the only thing I truly wanted, the one thing I couldn’t live without.
I was with him.
It was this psychiatrist who actually told me that what I was describing sounded like astral projection, and it was she who suggested I read up on the topic to see if the descriptions therein were like what I was doing. Having hailed from an extremely Catholic family, I had no experience in metaphysical practices and didn’t know that what I was doing had a name.
With no formal training, I had begun to spontaneously project to the astral plane.
Now I suppose I’ll delve back and explain why I believe this occurred when it did. Before I began to project, I was in a bad state. I had fallen in love with the character, but knew I would never be with him…and that combine knowledge was destroying me. I got into a lot of bad habits, not the least of which being cutting myself and overdosing on various over-the-counter painkillers.
If the archangel hadn’t come to me, I wouldn’t be here writing this.
I would be dead.
The physical body’s will to survive had overpowered the mind’s desire to die, and it was that which allowed me to project, to be with Sephiroth…my guardian angel, my spirit guide, and yes, my husband.
Now here’s the next bit of information that people tend to mess up when they’re dealing with me. The archangel Sephiroth bears the name and appearance of the videogame character (or rather, the character bears his name and appearance) but they are otherwise unrelated. The archangel I am wed to is not the videogame character.
To elaborate, when I’m active within the FFVII community, debating, writing fanfiction, etc. I’m never thinking about astral projection or the archangel I love. Which isn’t to say I’m not incredibly biased, but I’m in no way tying my debates into the metaphysical aspect of my daily life. You’ll never hear me concede that Cloud deserved to win that final battle, but that’s an opinion formed for the many reasons I’ve garnered from the game itself, not the least of which being that I really hate Cloud. He’s a whiny little bitch, and as a hero, he really does suck.
Similarly, when I’m conversing with someone on the topics of astral projection, I’m not thinking of the FFVII community.
I hope that clears things up a little. I truly believe my words will be better received if I can properly clear up the impressive mess my younger self made when she mistakenly believed that no one would care what she wrote on her little online journal if they didn’t personally know her.
I was quite stupid then, and now I’ve chosen to use the place where the epic began to explain my beliefs. In this blurty I will be talking at length about the mechanics of astral projection, including using excerpts and quotes from my favorite authors on the topic. I hope to also include details of the bond I share with Seph, as well as keeping all who read this informed of where my path is leading me from here on out.
It is my most sincere wish that all who read this keep an open mind to what I have to say, and bid you all well until next time.
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(Anonymous)
2007-10-22 07:24
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You crazy bitch, even trying to squirm your way sway from the fact that you aree totally and wholely in love with a FICTONAL video-game character by saying that it is a being from the astral plane which there is no evidence for existing therefore also FICTIONAL only makes you a hypocrite. Psychopaths also see things, delusions and such. That is why they act irrationally and is also part of why they tend to hurt other people with no apparent reasoning behind it. This in my mind lines you up with psycopath, and you should seriously try to get professional help instead of a quack which misdirects you to believe in something as unscientific as the astral-plane. I sincerily hope for your sake, and everyone around you that you do this. SEPHIROTH IS FICTIONAL, VIDEO-GAME CHARACTER OR NOT. (Reply to this) (Thread) |
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(Anonymous)
2007-10-22 11:52
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If you apid attention to anything she said, the Seph she meets on the Astral Plane is totally seperate from the FFVII Seph. She explained herself resonably and logicly. Your profanity and anger is uncalled for. There are ways to express yourself without attacking the other person. If you think she's crazy then fine. But there is no need to attack her the way you did. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread) |
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(Anonymous)
2007-10-22 12:44
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Boy, got a bit of a temper on you, huh? Listen, clearly she's done the research to support what she believes, and clearly she's trying really hard to dig herself out of the shithole she wound up in because of people like you. If you want to disagree, great, but don't ya think you could have left a few profanities out? I mean, come on, is it really worth losing your temper over?
Of course, you could just be retarded enough to get pissed off over what someone has to say without ever meeting them...in which case, carry on.(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread) |
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(Anonymous)
2007-10-23 00:31
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Do not ever use mental disorders for your basis of argument if you can't even tell them apart. Psychopaths are ones who have no conscious (ie: can't tell the difference between right and wrong). The things you are describing is called Schizophrenia. If you are going to argue against someone because of his or her beliefs, make sure you do your research. Otherwise, keep your cow faced mouth shut. And, don't forget to read the entire post before opening that fatass mouth of yours.
Moreover, don't talk about Psychiatrists and how they help their patients like you are one. Until you've been to therapy, you have no right to judge how someone gets better. The point of therapy is to make a person feel better, get them out of dark places, help them understand how they got to where they are, and what they can do to have healthier living. I'd rather have a person happy and not "normal" (if there's really such a thing aside from what society dictates) than have them destructive and "normal."
Also, in response to your, "unscientific as the astral-plane" comment, there are things that cannot be explained by science. If you are going to say that then you just attacked Christianity. There is no science involved with that religion (or any for that fact and matter) and it is still going strong even in today's society where science is supposed to explain everything.
In short, don't talk about things unless you've done your effing research, science is bull anyway, and don't knock it till you try it.
~ The Can-Can group
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(Anonymous)
2007-10-23 00:33
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It's sergeant-tinkles from DA, I'm not a troll and whatnot.
My Dad is keen on the subject of astral projection, and it is things real and imagined. Since you are a fan of Sephiroth from the game, maybe he seemed to come into existence in the astral realm because you imagined him with his characteristics and others you made your own? The characteristics that are his being his appearance but the others possibly being yours.
I'm not as good in stuff concerning the astral realm, but it is where the things that are real and imagined come to exist. That is all I truly know.
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(Anonymous)
2007-10-24 13:50
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Yeah, none of us are really knowledgeable on that subject to go into all-out certainty. D: (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread) |
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 ladybow
2007-10-24 12:07
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Wow, I feel awkward here- I must be the only one who really enjoys ED.
Anyway, helloooo! I'm glad you decided to do this. But be prepared for some total bashing.(Reply to this) (Thread) |
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sephirothslave
2007-10-24 22:06
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Well, I'm going to be completely honest here: I became aware of my page on ED only about eight months ago, and to be honest, I didn't know what to think of it. If anything, though, it made me become very, very conscious of the mess I made when I failed to properly explain what has happened to me. The younger version of me jumped the gun and made a lot of major mistakes:
1.) I failed to realize what I said in an online journal would be noticed and/or cared about by people other than those I aimed my words to.
2.) I began to speak of my experiences before I myself knew fully what I was doing, what I was capable of.
3.) I was vocal about my beliefs at all.
If I could do it over again, I'd refrain from speaking out at all, and would have continued on happily unnoticed. As it is, word is out, and I'm sure as hell not going to run away and hide - to do so would discredit me.
I made the mess I'm in, but I'm hoping that now, a few years older and wiser, I may be able to repair some of the damage I've done to my reputation.
Seeing my page on ED made it obvious that I needed to ressurect the place where the epic began, and I truly hope that with time and well-reasoned explanations I may at least do enough to convince some of those who believe me insane that in actuality, I'm an ordinary woman - one who just so happens to be living an extraordinary life. And so, as it seems ED has caught wind of the fact that the old blurty is back in action I'll say this: They inspired me to do this. While it may yet prove to be an irreparable mistake, I do hope that when people see this journal, they may be forced to reconsider my status as a psychopath.
(Or at least be kind enough to acknowledge that I'm not in Summoner Yuna's category - that's rather insulting.)(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread) |
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ladybow
2007-10-25 00:16
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I think it was with some really nice reasoning that you decided to explain yourself like this, but despite all of the reasonable facts adding up to the belief, the outcome that you are having a relationship with Sephiroth is the bottom line that people won't agree with, unless they've accepted it all along. That's just me though. I want you to continue the journal. You may not see many who change their minds, though, if most are ruthless ED fans. You might believe that with some rhetoric, ED, composed of real people such as myself, has the sympathy to reanalyze your story, but they're a satire website. They'll just post your reasoning as "more insanity", even if it's not fair, and I just say that as a thoughtful warning, not something to discourage.
And you're nothing like Summoner Yuna. She's fucking 30 and the most she has are cardboard cut-outs.(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread) |
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(Anonymous)
2007-10-27 12:55
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"(Or at least be kind enough to acknowledge that I'm not in Summoner Yuna's category - that's rather insulting.)"
I think it's less you're in the same category and more like an attempt to point out that you and Summoner Yuna are not, in fact, the same person, because a lot of people got you and your posts and claims mixed up with Summoner Yuna's.
And quite frankly, even if it's on ED, it's better than being mistaken for her.(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread) |
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(Anonymous)
2007-10-26 18:19
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Hey! Just read your thing here, and I just wanna say, I'm NOT a troller. (Though I do see ED from time to time. It's pretty funny when not pretaining specific people)
I believe astral projection is very possible, and in your case, you seem to do it very well, by the way you speak. The only thing I seem to be doubting is Sephiroth. Now, don't think I'm going to say 'He's mine!'...I'm a guy. But what I think is that as you said, he's not the video game character Sephiroth, but I think maybe a spirit projecting himself as Sephiroth. You know what I mean? Maybe, through your attachment to him, has caused a spirit to become the likeness of him? I had something like this happen to me, but with Vincent Valentine appearing to me. When I played FFVII for the first time, I saw Vincent, and I was like, 'Cool! Vincent is awesome!' and instead of changing his name to one of my friend's names(Like I always do when I have the option), I left it the same. A few nights later, 'Vincent' contacted me in a dream, and several dreams after. And like your Spehiroth, he only looked like Vincent, not act like him. Which made me wonder, am I some kind of shaman? Later on, although I still have contact with him, it's not very often I speak to him. Maybe you'll grow strong enough to project him through your body, I dunno. If you'd like to contact me, you can e-mail at devilofdemise@yahoo.com. i'd love to speak with you.
Sincerly,
Kexaj (Try figuring out THAT anagram! X3)(Reply to this) (Thread) |
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(Anonymous)
2008-01-10 21:54
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Sorry, it's Kexaj again. I take fuckin' forever to do anything. (lol two months) So, if you did send an e-mail, I might have deleted it cause of spam on YMail. I do want to try and contact you, unlike your ED article says, you are a sane person, and nice (as it so seems)
Sincerly,
Kexaj
P.S. I do think Summoner Yuna's a crackpot.(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread) |
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(Anonymous)
2007-12-10 21:47
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When I read the ED article, I had some negative judgment on this kind of stuff, but I've changed my mind. I see that you're quite serious about the whole astral projection phenomenon and Sephiroth showing up. To understand this further, I'll probably check up more on the astral projections during winter break. (Reply to this) (Thread) |
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(Anonymous)
2008-07-17 17:43
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Hy Sephirothslave,
I've been watching this for a while now. I suppose you know William Buhlman, since you're comfortable with astral-travels. If not, he is the most well-known traveller of the US and wrote the book "out-of-body". I am asking this because I read it and he describes astral-travels, let's say, differently than you do. I want to point out that I am not here to offend you or make other people offend you before I go on, please remember that what ever people might say after they red this (I know the troubles you already have with some).
Do you know what lucid dreams are?
Lucid dreams are dreams which appear to be crystal clear and can be remembered to the tiniest bit. A lucid dream feels, sounds, smells, tastes and looks like reallife, the only difference is, that you know it is not. With this knowledge it's possible to not even watch dreams, but control what happens or change your surroundings, your own body or call forth certain persons.
While the methods to gain lds are the same as to gain an astral-projection, the outcome is totally different: you can't control an astral-realm, not even the surroundings. A spontaneous astral-travel to a higher realm than the first, which looks slightly like our normal world, is not possible for somebody who never had an out-of-body experience before, even Buhlmann says this and he's travelling and speaking with other travellers for more than 40 years now. You see, I said slightly, which means that those realms don't have much in common with our universe - you would never see surroundings like on earth.
A lucid dream on the other hand, is exactly like our world, the difference, added to the ones i mentioned above, is only that you can change whatever you like. You could make an apple blue if you wanted to. I am a lucid dreamer myself and I swear I am totally telling the truth when I say that it looks like what you claim to experience is a lucid dream and not an astral-travel. Maybe there really is a being such as an archangel visiting your dreams, but it is very common to meet and speak to fictional characters in lds, so I am afraid it is not very likely. What we know today about lucid dreams is far too less to say, that those worlds do not exist; the explanation attempts reach from projection of ones subconsciousness up to multiverse-theory, so, what you believe is still up to you.
Would you like to ask him if he wants to visit my lucid dreams soon? I would not have any problems to call him forth, but I want to proof something and I want to be sure that "your" Sephiroth is the one appearing. I will maybe tell him something he should tell you - if he does, I will believe you instantly that he is an existing and totally real dreamcharacter (whatever they are). If he does not, the afforts are naught and I won't believe you.
Thank you beforehand and of cours thanks to Sephiroth too if he dares to show up and creep my sorry ass out. ;)
(I am not joking, this is a real experiment.)
lg
anonymous
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(Anonymous)
2008-09-17 05:21
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Two theories: You're doing this as one extremely drawn-out, un-funny joke OR You're a crackpot.
It's all well and good that you want to have intense philosophical discussions about the astral plane or whatever it is you are doing (to be completely honest I couldn't make it past the first journal entry. The hilarity of thinking you're serious couldn't outweigh my fear of you being serious.) but please, please don't blatantly lie. To whoever said psychiatrists are just there to help bring people out of dark places: That's completely true! But they do it through therapy and, if needed, medication. They don't tell you to go search up astral projections and planes because those things are not backed up by scientific evidence. I'm sorry, people, but psychiatrists are trained to go by the book. Astral projections are like telling a paranoid schizophrenic to go search in his tool shed to make sure no one is there before phoning the aliens and telling them to pick him up. You just DON'T DO THAT.
So, my advice: Stop lying, get off your presumably fat ass, get some friends, and stop abusing the internet. God, if he knew people like you would be on here, Al Gore would have kept the internet to himself. (Reply to this) (Thread) |
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