| Current mood: |  exhausted |
| Current music: | vindicated-dashboard confessional |
i have no idea
It’s late and I know that if I try to sleep I will never make it.
At night my body feels so weak and just perfect for the best sleep of my life but the moment that I get in to bed it’s just another story.
I am physically tired yet I am mentally wide awake and can’t stop from think about: where I am going, what I want, what I can have, how I am going to start thing, how something are going to end, etc.
Sleep was the greatest thing in the world for me before school ended. Now I dread the moment that I have to try and sleep. Things just really aren't the same.
I want to do so much more now that I am not doing. I want to enjoy my life. My parents have this thing with not wanting to let me out of the house, saying “you can't do it all in one day" or " you can’t see the world al in one day". Yet the way I see is well, I can't do it all in one day so why not do what I can if it’s not hurting anyone in one day if my next breth isn't really always going to be granted to me. I just don't want my life to end up staying between the same four walls I see each day. Don't get me wrong I love my family and being with them but they never do anything and so leaving me to be stuck her most of the time doing nothing with them. That’s why I always want to go out with my friends, Hugo and his friends, my sister and so on. That’s my only escape from this. Seeing that "this" is the boring, repetitive, and ever so sad days that I have been leading. I can’t take it anymore. I consider myself to be very free spirited person that just has to break free from this. The main reason that I hadn't done that before was because I as in school, I had a way out everyday, I didn't have to always rely on my parents unless it was to get home because my parents don't believe in public transportation. Yet I was taking it in one of the worst possible places alone and I can't take it to get home yet it was just some blocks away from home. Well, that’s in the past now and I feel trapped. I feel sad. Honestly disconnected. For some reason now thing don't bother me the way they used to. What my parents have to say now just doesn’t affect me like before.
I just need something and I don't want to do it alone. That’s just how I have been feeling right now.
This all just may sound like I am complaining or that I am sad and being a dram queen but it’s not like that.
I just feel like venting. This lack of sleep is just really getting to me.
I don't know I guess I just need something more.
I have so much on my mind that makes me feel that there could never be anything better and it just makes me want to hang on to that as long as I can. I pray that I never loss that.
Wow I am so tiered that I just want to let out all that’s on my mind in hopes that I'll sleep tonight.
Relationships change, people get stronger, the weak becomes eliminated, what you love no matter what is so worth fighting for, trying crazy things once is just a part of growing up, time feels like its slipping by, doing what is considered wrong at times gives you the reality of what may be really right, you can meet some of the nicest people online.
Well, I think its time for me to say bye.
All that’s on my mind well is just falling out like crazy.
Awwwwwwwwwwwww... and it feels great!
I feel so much better now.
::::: Big Smile :::::::::
Now that I have gotten everything out of me that was well, my sleep talking I have no idea what to think. Except that I think way too much about some little strange things.
Goodnight
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