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scrudder (scrudder) wrote,
@ 2006-01-05 21:32:00
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    Current mood:Robotic
    Current music:Longview: Green Day

    Pardon the rabbits, they no not what they do


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    EARLY PRAISE FOR The Big Asteroid of Fury!

    This is a story of daring defeat and great attempts at escaping actually novel writing. Simply put, it’s the most brilliant piece of work I’ve heard of. -Jimmy Dean
    (Meat Guy)

    This book made me luagh so hard I cried all night long until my wife divorced me. But you know what. It wasn’t really worth it. I had been married for 28 years. I mean, it only took me 4 minutes to read this book, and now my marriage is over, what the hell, man.
    -Stephen King
    (Semi popular author)

    Excuse me? Do what? No I don’t want to read this book. Look, man, leave me alone! Fine, if you wont leave me alone at least buy me a sandwich… huh? Oh, Turkey on Rye, sure, I’ll take a soda.
    -Dave Barry
    (Rock Star)

    The Big Asteroid of Fury!

    Chapter I
    The quiet lumbering rock from space

    The Big Asteroid was huge. It came hurtling quickly and much faster then before.
    Down on Earth people were restlessly shuffling about like penguins in a fire place.
    But unlike Penguins, Humans didn’t live on Icebergs, and Humans could talk… and Worry!
    And that’s just what they were doing. They were not living on Ice bergs. They were worrying about things! Things always seemed to occupy space in peoples minds. A lot of people were happy but some were scared. Other people were also scared too.

    Chapter II
    The Military Mounts a Rescue!

    The commander center for aeronautical behavior and marine Army technician warfare navy specialist wing bombardment brigade were anticipating the arrival of the asteroid with great anticipation
    The General stepped in, Big stars hung on his heavy and weightful chest.
    “Sergeant!” He barked like a really angry shiatsu!
    “Yes General” stated a small little guy who looked tiny in his uniform.
    “Come over here and tell me something about this Asteroid” He yelled quieter this time.
    “Well sir he said nervously” I would like to thing that things will be okay but the other soldiers are telling me otherwise sir”!
    “This doesn’t look good trooper! Screamed the general again a lot like an angrier animal”
    Now go and get the airplanes ready so we can fight this rock Sergeant, you want to get promoted don’t you sergeant, now go and get those airplanes so we can fight this rock, you want to get promoted sergeant, don’t you?

    Chapter 3
    Pee Wee’s Playhouse: SECRETS REVEALED!

    In a scientific laboratory a man was looking at papers like a scurrilous rat looking at piece of cheese with great interest. And minor disgust and major contempt - The paper had all sorts of scientific things on it that couldn’t possibly be explained to anyone! Cause it was too smart and he was the only one who knew how to read it and then he died of a heart attack

    Chapter IV
    The Cruel Panic with Super Size Fries

    Jill had the expression of a drowned goat. Her lips flapped like the rubber on the tire of a car. She babbled on like a leaky faucet and no one payed her any mind. That is until she produced a sword from her purse and started slashing away at that fat and hungry customers at the local McBurgers.

    In her moment of unsupressed furry, Bob the manager couldn’t help but notice how becomingly her hair was floating down her back. Her breasts swung like two large pendulums made of sacks of flour under her uniform with the force of her mighty blow.

    The blade cut through Bob like hot butter through a frying pan. He scrum out in horror!
    “oh no.” He screamed like a banshee in one of those old stories with banshee’s and warlocks who eat nematodes. Jill was satisfied and put her hand in the deep fryer and took out some fries and began greedily chomping away at them like some sort of slovenly leper with amnesia disease.
    She was in love with Guy who worked in a scientific lab somewhere!

    Chapter the fifth
    An alarming rate of water has been consumed

    The General looked at his putrid cup of coffee and spat on his shirt in hatred towards all space rocks. And also rocks in general.
    “Sergeant, get me your private and bring him here, I want him standing straight and tall!”
    “Yes General Culligan, I will go now -
    The general cut him off
    -And get him”

    Avery’s teeth shone bright as a light bulb burning out in a socket. Sure he was just a private but he listened to rock and roll from the sixties, so he knew a little something about how things worked.
    “Private!” Bellowed the sergeant like a bellows “Come here the General wants to see you, do you have those plains ready yet? How are the kids.

    Chapter 13
    The STUNNING Conclusion!

    The Private never got to tell the General that he didn’t actually have any kids, not counting goats, because at that moment the fast asteroid that was hurtling quickly toward earth hit it with a loud “BANG!” and everyone died real fast.

    Chapter 9

    The End

    January the 5th 2006

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penguins in a fire place
2006-01-11 11:19 (link)
Never a dull moment in here.


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