| Current mood: | Lost my mind |
| Current music: | The Gorillaz: Demon Days "For the whole month of August" |
Where are you taking me?
On things that matter most.
They say in space no one can hear you scream. First of all, I’ve never been in space, and why is it that the first thing you would attempt doing is screaming. Shouldn’t something more relevant or at least more interesting be put into place here, like, if your floating around in space you will die without a space helmet?
Anyways, how was this theory first tested? Were a couple of hapless wandering astronauts just floating about in space as one of them took off there helmet and began screaming?
“Do you hear something bill?”
“No I don’t, Ted. Funny that. You can’t hear someone scream in space”
As I’ve said, I’ve never been in space. And as far as I know, I don’t know anyone who has ever been in space. It can’t be all that it’s cracked up to be; it’s cold and dark and you can’t breathe. Doesn’t exactly sound like a pleasure weekend.
If I went into space, the first thing I would do was to make sure I had a helmet. Oh, and some knee and elbows pads because I hear reentry is a bitch.
I don’t like space. Space is boring and it’s full of astronauts and satellites.
Space is probably the most boring invention out there. I heard it was made by accident. Apparently some guy was designing some sort of coil for the Navy and it was all springy and stuff so they patented it and called it a slinky! Talk about your all time blunders.
So this thing was marketed towards kids and a big corporation called NASA sprang up so they could put people in rockets and launch them into one of the hemispheres where the rocket would then promptly explode leaving the nation confused and unhappy.
Then NASA just started launching rockets to the moon, where there now resides dozens of starving astronauts. Useful things the astronauts brought with them; a flag and a golf club.
As you can see, there are no real scientists working for NASA, which, in case you didn’t know, stands for (Nothing Atall Scientific Aboutus)
NASA is also responsible for Furby, Barney, New Pepsi and Jar Jar Binks.
In the future, NASA plans to send the remnants of the Titanic into space with 130 piece orchestra and several dead monkeys.
To Date, NASA is responsible for spending at least 98% of the world’s money, and was also responsible for the Spanish American war which the Canadians have never forgiven us for. Canada, however, was responsible for Avril Lavigne, to which, we have never forgiven them for.
So to all you Space aficionados out there. Give it a rest. NASA’s long tormented reign upon this nation is soon coming to an end. Embrace the turning tide of Hot Lava spilling forth from the mouth of the volcano, and breathe in the heavy fumes of the inner cities.
Soon there will be a new parade gracing this Earth filled with Giant Potato men who eat dogs and sticks that wiggle around on the ground when the wind blows (or even when the wind doesn’t blow!) So look out kids! There’s a new sheriff in town, and his name is Ken.
He doesn’t take kindly to strangers and he shoots anything that moves or anything that looks like a rock or a plastic container of Jell-O Pudding snack, but that’s only because he doesn’t like broccoli; deep down inside he’s a nice guy with a collection of hot wheels at home. He has a wife and 384 children they live in a dark cold cave, but at least they can breathe in there.
The End
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