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scrudder (scrudder) wrote,
@ 2005-04-07 13:43:00
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    Current mood:ZOMBIE
    Current music:The Giraffes: "Wither without you"

    The Cactus of Texas couldn't Drink it
    Reality, Fantasy, it makes no difference.

    Penguin Satyr
    There was a book when I remember reading when I was a small child called “Mr. Poppers Penguins” it was a wild and zany book about a guy who had all these penguins living in his house. Well, I wanted a penguin so very badly after reading that book. So my parents, God rest there hands, ordered me one from The North Pole, that’s where all the Penguins in the world live! Except for some that don’t live there and might live in other cold locations.
    Well, the Penguin showed up a month later dead in a box. It was fat and squishy and smelled bad enough to make me vomit barf. I was sad but determined to enjoy my penguin.
    I put him in the freezer so he would be nice and chilly. When my mom got home from work late that night she opened up the freezer to get some ice cream, but she was so tired she didn’t notice that she grabbed the penguin instead. She sat down with the penguin and a spoon and she started eating the penguin. She never even noticed. Even when I came downstairs and saw her eating it I told her “Mom, you’re eating my penguin” Even then, she didn’t seem to notice. Her eyes turned yellow and her skin turned green. She shot her tongue out at me like a crazy lizard then she crawled up on the ceiling and disappeared in a flash of smoke, and I heard a crazy voice say “Vengeance will be mine, little one” I have no idea why her eyes turned yellow, but I was hungry. SO I ATE the ice cream in the freezer cause I can tell the difference between a penguin and a tub of ice cream. I went over to the couch where my mom ate my penguin and I saw the only thing left of the penguin was his beak and his feet. I glued the beak to my head and the feet to my chin. I lay down on the floor and tried to pretend that my head was now the penguin, walking around in the snow and pretending to do penguin things. I fell asleep and drifted away…
    In my dream I ate whole universes, they tasted like stars.
    When I woke up I realized the whole thing had been a dream and the only thing I ever got in the mail was the beak and feet of a dead penguin and as far as I can recall my other had always been a lizard woman (but was not able to disappear in flash of smoke).
    I called my Parole officer and told him I jumped the state line and killed a bunch of people. He didn’t think it was very funny, he told me not to jump any more state lines or to kill a bunch of people anymore or else I would have to go back to Jail. His name is Jim Balentino and he likes sugar cookies but he doesn’t like being a parole officer. Ever since he was a little kid he wanted to do something big and important with his life, yes, he always wanted to have a career as a broom closet. You know, standing inside a dark tiny little room and organizing brooms and buffers and cleaning supplies and what not, but no – Parole officer is what fate dealt him. Destiny is a funny creature with weird antlers on its head. If you’re not careful, it’ll poo on you.

    Much satisfaction comes from living in between what connects us – the intangible place, where we hang in comfortable limbo, because, you know, I don’t think this life is really for us. Not permanently anyways…

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2005-04-07 11:12 (link)
The lions look like they're puking. (or however that could be spelled)

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Good laughs
2005-04-07 22:59 (link)
Hahahahaha. What flavor of icecream was it?


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