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scrudder (scrudder) wrote,
@ 2005-04-01 19:57:00
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    Current mood:life was better when I wasdead
    Current music:Nothing! - I pray for the silent bullet of a sniper!

    8:00 P.M. where are you? still at work. is this possible, of course, it's my life!
    Naturalists believe in dead things above all living grass

    So I was sitting outside, just minding my own business when this rock got up and started walking around. Yes, a rock grew little legs out of its rock butt and walked around. It was a good sized rock, the sort that’s a bit larger then your hand – anyways, some birds flew down and pecked at it but he just kept walking along, and then soon, no birds were bothering him at all. I couldn’t believe it, first the birds were bothering him, and then they weren’t, nature is mysterious like that sometimes. Well, this happened hundreds of thousands of hours ago while it was still day time. But now it is night time and the whole truth of the story may be much less interesting now.
    So a cat came by and ate the little rock man (or woman?) And the cat died, because come on, it ate a big rock! So that cat just lay there dead, right? And then all of a sudden, the cat body is dragging along the ground because I guess the rock got up and started walking! I couldn’t believe, first the birds were bothering him, and then they weren’t, nature is… oh, I mean I couldn’t believe it! The cat was dead but it was still moving like it was not dead, or maybe it was moving like it was really lazy and you might suspect it was dead – but I knew the truth, my knee hurt a lot.
    Rocks are not indigenous to Earth. A lot of people like scientist or “rockologists” believe that they are. But those people are dumb and probably didn’t learn anything during school. I saw them eating sandwiches one time in the lunch room, I was hungry and I wished I had some food. From that day forward I promised myself I would never become a scientist.
    I killed one of them, you know. I ran over and stabbed one of them to death with a bicycle. For many minutes I ran from the law, like a bank robber or a clown, but they finally caught up to me and when they did I thought I was really going to be in trouble.
    It turns out, the cops don’t like scientist either, so they let me off with a stern look. I never realized it until now, but when you see cops and scientists together on T.V. or in a movie; they are always at each others throats. It has something to with their mothers, or dreams involving hairless dogs and pudding, I’m not sure which; I just know that the birds were bothering him and then they weren’t! Nature is mysterious like that.
    My greatest fear is that one night my feet might grow little mouths with sharp teeth and start eating right into the ground and take me down with them until we go way down and I’ll be buried alive! And it’s at that moment that I sprout wings from my back, that’s my sort of luck, wouldn’t you know it…
    I had a bird once.
    Can’t believe it, that cat is still going! Go Cat, Go! I love animals, and sharks too! And ink pens. If I had a salad for every time someone said “whoa shalbalaba, you look like a cat scratched your eyes out and peed on you” I wouldn’t have any salads at all! But if I had a salad for every time someone said my name in an exhausted manner, My room would smell like a garbage dump, because man, I wouldn't have time to eat all those salads, and they would rot and turn to cabbage and fill the air with toxic gases – man, if only I had a steak right now I would be set, mmmmm, steak on a popsicle stick, delicious.
    Well I have to go and work until my eyes fall out of my head, oh, one last thing.
    APRIL FOOLS!!!! Oh man, there was never any bird bothering that little rock guy! There aren’t even any real birds in Germany! They are all made out of Hay! I cant believe you guys thought that there were birds bothering the little rock guy!!! I fooled you guys so bad you might as well go home and eat your beds!!! Or do something equally embarrassing! Oh man! You should have seen the look on your faces when I got to the bird part and you were all like “Oh my gosh, birds? Bothering the little rock guy, how could that be?” Oh man, that was priceless!!! Hey, I have to go and feed my horse now, you guys are too much, I laughed so hard my spleen fell out, man – take it easy you crazy guys! What a laugh, Birds, yeah, whatever!

    Peace out home poe tatoes


    The local people were getting a bit out of hand, so the goverment called in the professionals - and so they showed up with a truck full of ants... to this day, no one really knows why, or even cares for that matter... goodnight, and have a safe drive home.

    Romantic photographs by John - all rights preserved (in marmalade jars)

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