Yet another day has gone by. I didn't feel very well today. I did a lot of sleeping and reading. I have a CAT scan on Monday. Dr. Reddy is almost positive that my tumors are shrinking. I am so happy about that. I didn't have much to say to him today. Cherry seemed surprised that I was up to biking and stuff. I am going to get through this. It is just a matter of time. I am glad that I got the wimpy cancer.
Justin is going to see me on Saturday. I am really excited.
I can't get comfortable in bed. I wish that I had Justin to sleep on.
Tomorrow I am going to try to eat some structured meals. I haven't done a very good job with eating over the past 2 days. That has to change.
I really liked a line in my Lance Armstrong book today. It said something about this military guy telling Lance that they were the lucky ones. Lance thought that was a ridiculous statement at the time. It is so true though. I know this whole ordeal has helped me a lot. I still can't wait for it to be over though. I want my hair! I hate wearing that wig. Sometimes I just want to flaunt the fact that I don't have hair. I just want people to see how happy I am without hair. I don't know.
We all do things that we regret.
I wish that I could believe in promises. I want to be able to believe in stuff.
I watched christian music videos today. At the end of the show it said something about god. I think it is creepy how all those young kids are all about god. I put it in the same sort of group like the druggies, the skaters, the preps.. then there are the god people. I don't see how they do it.
I also read something on the onion. It cracked me up. It was about this guy who went out on a date with a girl. He was invited up to her apartment. She had Jesus stuff everywhere. He said something like this. I noticed the cross around her neck, but lots of people wear those. I didn't think that she was one of those Christian Christians. haha..
I found this really cool winamp radio channel. It has a lot of punk and metal on it. It ranges from Metallica to Dead Kennedys to Me First and the Gimme Gimmies. It is a nice compilation.
I hate insomnia. I miss the days where I would just go to bed exhausted and I would fall asleep immediatly. I hate that I am a terrible speller. Recently I feel like I am about 12 years old again. Maybe younger. There were times when I couldn't fall asleep. I would cry myself to sleep or think. I would think a lot about death. Now I find myself doing it a lot again. I really don't like doing that. I guess it is my biggest fear. I wonder how my parents deal with getting older. I mean reminescing must really suck. To realize that you have much less to live than you have in the past. That stuff scares me. I get a feeling throughout my body almost like nausea.
Did you know that I only like to get in and out of the bed on one side of it? The side I enter is the side that I get off of. I did break that tonight though. Lets see what kind of bad luck that I have tomorrow.
I don't want to be alone. I am scared of ending up like my Aunt. I couldn't imagine going home to an empty house everyday with just my dog to amuse me.
I so wish that I could hold you right now. I wish that I could see you tomorrow. Damn that test. I just want to fall asleep in your arms.
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