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We had the baby.. probably should update :P Lets start on the day of, shall we? My babyshower! YAY finally having it,  $200 in food-check ,  cake -(kimberly got me an adorable cake for the shower)-check, people to show up -half check (most had to work and were coming around 6-7 instead of 2).. baby still in the womb-half check.. figures. This is my luck. Kept having to go to the bathroom, already at almost 4cm but just not there and a few days prior having my membranes stripped I was miserable, crampy, and everytime I walked so much pressure I just wanted to cry.. constantly. I could barely sleep and the night before the shower I had horrible contractions they kept coming and coming and when I was about to get in the car to the hospital again, BOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! No where to be found. The little one was as indecisive as daddy is stubborn let me tell you. Lordy. I grit and beared another night and didn't go to the hospital but I felt a little more "moist" I guess you could say. While I accounted this to the horribly nasty amount of mucus and stuff the membrane stripping made present, I just sort of thought that was that... Next morning (the morning) up at 7am to put on the massive pot of bratwurst, hotdogs,cheddarwurst, and kraut. Prep all the fruit and veggie platters and basically just get everything together. As I started the day I kept feeling these gushes of liquid and kept having to go to the bathroom nonstop. It was very annoying until i wiped and realized hey that isn't any of the stuff from the membrane stripping or just regular stuff it was clear sweet smelling liquid. OMG, my water was leaking! When you first realize this it's a bit intimidating I was just turning 38 weeks which is finally what they consider the beginning of being "term". I thought about he had two more weeks to brew would he be OK, would he be really small , would he be a he or she... and most of all.. if it WAS my water leaking how long had it been leaking I had similar stuff almost a week prior. Then you think, is it really the aminiotic fluid or am I getting tricked again and I'll still be pregnant another few weeks. If you saw the way I looked you'd know there was no way in HELL I was going to be pregnant much longer than a few more days, by the hands of the doctors if not by nature. My uterus was so irritated I'd cry if I so much as laughed or had to pee it was just sore and my body needed rest. Contracting even if low contractions for over 24 hours each time just takes all life right out of your body. I did get a sleeping day where joe and my mom and everyone was around and it didnt' even look like I slept or felt like I slept when I came back downstairs. No prenatal vitamins, liquids, tylenol nothing seemed to help me feel better. Not to mention my skin was aflame and itchy from all the hormones i looked like I had poison ivy almost, hah. Anyway, back to the story. The liquid started to flow a bit fasted enough I was noticeably more than damp constantly. Decided to sneak away from the convo when K&J and Tiffany and some arrived for the party I went upstairs armed with the cellphone and called the doctor. The doctor said it was my water leaking and I needed to get to the hospital. I stalled, granted I probably shouldn't have we would have been done much earlier but I wanted to have the babyshower we had been planning forever and not leave right at the beginning!  We ate and talked and opened some gifts and ate and ate and played frisbee.. and then the uterine irritation stuff started again but they were low lying contractions not irritation all the way. Soon as I started to get the contractions again I got a bit paranoid I was already almost 4cm and it's a half hour to the hospital. We finished up the game of frisbee and I started making take home plates for everyone. Cleaning up a bit and just prepping. HOspital bag in the car - check, car seat - check... music-ooops forgot that.. camera-check. our sanity-when did we ever have that? Called some of the ones who were coming and told them to drop by later this week. The worst fear here was we went to the hospital again and they sent us home, even if leaking. or that i'm not leaking amniotic fluid that the small contractions are irritations. The fear was disappointment again, going home wihtout the babe in our arms. In truest fashion we decided to geek it out and stop at Starbucks on the way in for our regular drinks. One last time before we went headfirst into 'starting over' with a new little one, again. To ensure my contractions were there and start more or anti-up.. we went for a little walk down toward hawthorne park or in the developements and mini park behind Philosphers stone, it used to be something we loved to do when we were dating and way before I got pregnant! LOL. We made it half way through the rose garden and I had this much larger much less is that really my water? gush of water. My pants were pretty wet and I was very very crampy. We decided to call the walk short and headed back to the car and off to the hospital. We got there and parking was a freaking mess, we had to go clear across the hospital just to get to the ER and observation room upstairs. I get to the ER I say I'm leaking fluid they wheel us right up. This time Joe wasn't allowed in the room right away, they did all these swabs and wanted to see if the contractions were stable. They were not but the irritation was there more so after they chekced my cervix thinned a little more and all the way at 4cm. This is when it's dangerous for the hospital at 4cm they can't send you home if in active labor. All i had to do was have one contraction or something, like my water leaking.. they did a speculum and saw the pool of the water and indeed I had a small leak in my amniotic sack that they told me could have been there for osme time. Would explain why I felt so incredibly thirsty all the time and why I was so absolutely SICK. After they checked my cervix and stuff the irritation started again in teh screen. They let joe back in a bit and we waited to see if even after all this they were gonna send me home. The one nurse didn't tell us we were being admitted when the other whisked in the room and finally we got to walk down to labor and delivery! but wait.... Did that nurse just say they were going to INDUCE ME??!!!???!!  Oh hell no I started to cry right away. I'm not a wimp and can take a lot of pain just not labor pain, it's not my strong point and sure as hell not pitocin enduced labor. I'm allergic to pitocin you see and instead of starting out at 7-8 minute contractions I start out at 2 minutes apart and OFF THE CHARTS for say ten or so minutes and then I go to a contraction every minute OFF THE CHARTS for the duration of the rest of the delivery. Did that happne here??? would it? I turned white as a ghost walking that hallway I knew needles and epidurals and all sorts of pain was about to be plopped right into my lap. Tried to focus on the baby and on anything I really could. Was not feeling well to begin with and here we go. Joe was right there the whole time minus one smoke break and one coffee break I sent him on so he could get some before I delivered I felt it near. Midnight They started the sodium drip on me, the step right before the pitocin. Until around 2am, they had contractions starting that I could feel but weren't so strong and I had about 7 minutes in between them.    That was fun and kept my mind off the pain. It was bearable. They let me up to pee for the last time before starting the pitocin I had only dialated to 5cm. Around 1am our nurse Jacklyn checked my cervix and just with the pressure of her fingertips seeing where I was at it broke my water. So my water for the first time broke naturally, usually when they induce you they have this hook like thing they take in grab the water bag when it bulges and break it for you. This is when contractions in any labor (natural/induced) get stronger.. closer together and more productive. No going back now! The pitocin enduction begins, and I nearly die: What most don't know is when you are induced you aren't allowed to get out of bed to walk. The contractions you experience due to the medicine are so strong walking around would cause you to pass out. Pregressing to fast with pitocin is dangerous least with you trying to help they monitor it closely. I made a point to tell them last time I had a bad reaction, I'm VERY sensitive to all meds and even though you might see me as a big gal.. I can't tolerate meds like most and for whatever weight I'm at give me HALF. Midnight they started the sodium phosphate.. around 2am they started the big pitocin. Dr. Hall came in and checked me still 5 and 70. and here we go. They upped the pitocin another round.. The contractions are getting to the point they are taking my breath away. I ask Dr. Hall immediately when I can have my epidural (it's about 2:30am now) he says right then to anytime. I say NOW. I tell him, i tell my nurse he signs off on the paper work.. we are in wait for the anestegelogist. The wait continues. Joe goes out to smoke as I'm having bad ones but bearable that i'm not crying. He comes in kisses me gently and I tell him to get some rest he has about thirty minutes before all hell is going to break loose. He lays down.. each contraction that starts coming I wince and try to be quiet. The room is dimmed they tell me to get a nap too. I can't. I'm starting to feel funny, my hands and legs are swelling up and my bad leg is starting to pulse. But it's nothing compared to the compression in my back. Great, I'm having back labor. My spine feels like it's arching backward breaking in half.. hitting the back of my knees and then flailing back and whacking me in the back of the skull. Finally I got tired of not making noise it was too hard, I called joe about three times and he stood up.. red eyed and NOT bushy tailed. Soon though he was wide awake. The contraction would come and I'd try to talk and focus and he'd try to center me but they just started coming too fast, too hard, and too long. It was bad I can't say how bad because I thought it couldn't get much worse but it was about to. Joe was craving some coffee and probably a smoke .. he kissed me and walked out and tried to give me some alone time to focus a bit. I asked for that time haha. Sometimes when we are in the worst pain we just want to have a "moment" you know? Well no nurse was there, no joe, just me and the baby about to come. My heart rate wasn't too bad, babies heartrate was decent. The contractions were starting to come about every 2-3 minutes. Mind you I went from 7- 8.. to 2-3 minutes in less than an hour. Joe had exactly thirty minutes to sleep like I said and then it was all out from there. So now I'm what an hour into the pitocin enduced labor.. with off the charts painful contractions. yes they were peaking off the chart when they topped out.. and all of a sudden there was this HUGE whoosh! and a huge Bang you could even hear it on the baby heart monitor and I screamed at the top of my lungs louder than ever before... the baby had went from up into my ribs down the canal with such force he hit my pelvic bone so hard when he was born his entire face was bruised! So he blew threw my canal and all the decending in one swift move. I started to have a lot of bleeding and IMMEDIATELY my contractions went from 2-3 minutes to every single minute. It was about 2:30 by now. Was all alone when this happened and overall it was such a frightening moment. I started bleeding and I was convinced he had just ruptured my placenta or something as equally horrible and then the pain set in quickly and like I was being stabbed. I've had three other labors.. two induced and one I went into labor and had little man naturally and was only in labor four hours. Here I am having contractions now every minute. that is right the one just ends and I have less than thirty seconds before the next one begins. No one is in the room. I start to scream "HELP ME!" I'm freaking out. I'm in so much pain my body starts to NATURALLY shake and I can't make it stop. Joe is walking in the room just as the nurse is and his face was grim. He saw the pain on my face and if he didn't hear me down the hall I'd be surprised. Here comes the fun.... 3am rolls around and I'm whipped I'm screaming full on screaming I can't focus, I can't breathe my heart rate is close to 209... I'm told to calm down and stop hyperventilating.. I'm talking to them yet i'm hyperventilating? I keep tellingt them something is wrong. Something is wrong this isn't right, it shouldn't be like this. It wasn't just being stabbed in the stomach my back was ripping apart and I was beyond in pain. Focused on the beach, my bench at the end of beverly road overlooking the bay, I kept talking about how I wish Jenn could have made her vacation she would have been here for the birth and how much I missed her and wished her and my mom was there. My mom was at our house watching all the troops. I started to think about how precious the baby was going to be, how he was a miracle he was even formed and that was a sign that big things were in the works for him/her coming into the world. At this point we still had no idea if he was a he or she. Focused on Joes voice, our hands interlocked fingers through fingers as I would sit straight up with each contraction and grab at his body. He kept telling me I was going to be fine to breathe and focus and I wsn't having it. He poked fun at me and for the first time there was no way or time to laugh back. I started screaming for the epidural. This had went on for about two hours of contraction worse and worse. I was shaking uncontrollably, nauseous and it was getting so bad the few precious seconds/moments I had between contractions I was passing out, not sleeping just out cold. the remainder of the labor I could barely open my eyes. The Epidural : What a freaking mistake: I've been having a horrible labor since around 3 something due to his decend into my canal and bruising (i swear chipping) my pelvic bone. My uterus was so sore to begin with due to all the times I was in labor in the past two weeks, and just never having time to chill out and heal and now this kind of labor. I'm doing ALL this mind you with NO pain meds, all natural. The contractions i'm now having are worse than ANY i've EVER had and my one labor was wicked and 24 hours long. I start to cry and cry and cry. I'm scared I'm going to be like this for 24 hours and am convinced I am going to die. Not over exaggerating my body is spasming all over I'm sweating so much my body is soaked the sheets, I'm bleeding, and I'm in so much pain it's causing me to pass out between pains. Look to Joes face and he looked worried out of his mind. I guess if I was in his shoes I wouldn't know what to do. He just held me and let me cry and rip at him and scream in his ear and he talked in his beautiful deep voice into my ears and while I have to say it DID make it better at the time I was in so much pain I wasn't really aware how much it was helping. Cried that I wanted my name for boy or girl and as I was in so much pain he agreed I wonder if he would have otherwise :P Then all of a sudden I just cant take it anymore i start considering that I might not make it, it's that bad. I'm so scared and not trying to let on I don't want to have Joe panic but I start seriously cursing out my nurse and wondering why it's taking so freaking long for my epidural. They checked me and still at 5cm. I start crying more I'm not progressing and the pain is so bad my body is rejecting all of it. my heart rate is dangerously high though I'm trying to breathe through the stuff and do what they say... i'm going to have a heart attack at this rate, the babies heart rate is pretty high and the contractions got worse somehow. to the point everytime one is about to start I almost break joes hand. Here comes my anestesiologist who was in surgery and why he was late. ..... now i have to sit up put my head between my legs and STAY STILL even through the worst contractions of my life that i'm almost having two in ONE minute. They start saying if you can't calm down we can't do this. I'm telling them to shoot me in my leg with something, they say then we can't give you anything else and you might have to go all that time with NOTHING. The epidural was the worst.. it hurts he had a needle in my back digging for a half hour. this started at 15 until 6am. I'm exhausted I have my head on a pillow between my legs my hair is matted to my face, iv'e been crying so hard I have snot running down my nose, cheek and almost chin.. joe is taking a damn cloth and washing off my face and dabbing my forehead. I have my fingers wrapped around his two fingers (all that I can reach from the position I'm in having this epidural. I have a COW needle in my back and I'm shaking. I'm afraid I'm going to have nerve damage that the medicine is never going to get in there and wondering why it's taking him SOOOOOOOOO long to get it done. I want to vomit, I want to get up and run away and have the pain gone, I'm to the point it's so painful I'm delirious and I'm praying for death just to stop the pain. I muster up enough energy to look up and focus on joes eyes I tell him I love him and I'm sorry and I pass out for a second. Just then I start telling them I have to push, they tell me I'm only 5cm and that it's the pressure from the needle in my back they are almost done. to just give it a "few more minutes" and that after that i'll have 10 minutes and the medicine will be in and working. I'm persistant and saying I have to push. Granted I said it one other time but that was when he had just decended and there was so much pressure. It's to the point my body starts to contract itself in this weird position like MAKING me push. I'm trying to not let it and the nurse and anestegelogist are like telling me STOP MOVING etc etc. I'm seriously not doing it, I can't stop my body from shaking, sweating, snotting and trying to push. He whips out the cathedar thing in my back and it's done as SOON as he is done she tells me to lay on my back to check me and I tell her I can't move she's telling me I have to.. I can't somehow her and Joe whip me around so fast i'm on my back she's checking me and I'm not 9 cm and 3/4 and she's telling me I'm right there to page the doctor but to not push. I'm NOT pushing my body is. I'm laying flat on my back and my body is doing it I'm talking to her I'm talking to joe I'm scared it's time. Here it comes.. the moment we've wait for. The moment my heart and eyes thought I'd never see again. Is he OK? Is he a he or she? Will they make it, will I make it? Why is this so painful? I mean labor is painful but this is a differnet level. 4th labor and worst one yet. I'm trying to stay focused. I grasp joes hands tighter I tell him it's time. I can't not push the nurse realizes it is time.. and then my doctor comes whizzing in and she feels the head right there they tell me to give them one second. I am having a contraction and I can't push they wont' let me I'm screaming at the top of my lungs trying not to. Joe has that look of he knows it's time. He just gives me a half smile and I look at him adn realize... how much more I love him for this moment. Not the pain but for us having our child, for him being there, for him really being there during the labor. Our last moment before we have a child together. The doctor says to push... I push once and they said it was a great push he crowned a bit and went back in a little... I tell them on the next one this is it, one more push and I'm done cause I wont' make it through much more they tell me if you think you can go for it.. doubting me of course hah! I showed them next pushed I pushed extra extra hard and bloop there he came right on out. Shooting out like a little rocket, I cannot explain to you the relief you feel when the baby finally releases themselves from your body all the pressure leaves and the contractions go from off the charts to about on the scale of 1-10 a 4 in pain. So the bearable ones. Joe ran to the bottom of the bed to see Jackson fly out of my body and just in time to see Joes face fall. Fallen face : Fear instilled. Joe says something along the line of "he has balls!" hahah yes he really did. LMAO. He says he didn't but I remember that kinda stuff.The next is he has the chord wrapped around his neck twice. Reason he wasn't as active the last few weeks and his face is as purple as barney. I'm scared they whisk him across the room and joe is still holding myhand I start to get snippy (not meaning too) get over there! he's been in me for all this time he's not used to being alone. I can see joes face from across the room and a foot moving from jackson but joes face is grim. Come to find out Jackson face is bright purple from hitting my pelvic bone not from the chord. Came into the world with a bruised face but still gorgeous. He weighs 7 pounds 10 ounce and is 20 1/2 inches long. Spitting image of daddy and all he gained from me was my strange seperation between my big toe and other. All Joe. Then again I find them both to die for adorable so that works for me! We were in the hospital for three days due to how he came down the canal so fast, to watch his heart and face(bruise) it was a bit on the scary side. Everytime you moved him he'd turn purple and it would look like he wasnt breathing. That has since stopped and his bruise is completely gone. He's not spiked a fever even with his shots, no infections (so far) the belly button still has to fall off and it's getting around the time it would be infected. I hate those things! I'm doing well I came out of it with a little bit of swollen me and 1 stitch. I healed quickly and in the hospital felt fine it's when I got home. Swollen face, legs, and hands bad headache but that is dying down now. I'm watching my salt and making sure to rest. The kids are loving their new brother and help a lot when I have to get a bottle they stay with him and make noise with his toys and talk to him. They are always helping bringing diapers and help with putting away clothes. It's really great to see how much they've all come together. When Joe is home from work and awake and feeding Jackson my heart melts. I will always say how lucky I am to have a man like Joe in my life, and to fill my heart, but he truly is one of those men you dream of having a child with. So attentive and you can see the little gleam in his eye oogling over jack. watching them nap on the couch (im sitting in front of them) sometimes I literally have tears swell up in my eyes. And at the end of the day I think to myself .. a little girl might not have been born but a miracle was so everyone asking that question, it's fine. This miracle was not supposed to be able to happen and now that it has and he's here I could not have asked for anything different. Beyond all of that, same stuff different day but this lethargy could kill the world. He's only up once or twice a night but I'm not used to being sleepy at all. When I had my other children I had insomnia so I didn't even notice I wasn't getting rest cause I never did. What a change! Our family is complete and wonderful. The Jackson "five" is complete and we are still happy!  Jackson about an hour ago :) 13 days old.  his little bin in the hospital with his stick "i have a bruised face"so the nurses knew it wasn't lack of oxygen.  and in the most beautiful of fashion. Here is daddy taken about 20 minutes ago.. little one is asleep in his bassinet and I'm going to go curl up next to daddy and snooze a bit too!  Have a great day :) Some other photos :        <3
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