|Current mood:|| anxious|
|Current music:||Black Ballon *acoustic* by Goo Goo Dolls|
writing....Copyright © 2005 MaWeeN sHiT
Well yes here I am sitting down in my computer chair for probably the last time for a while...unless I take it with me. I'm not leaving yet, but I'm leaving to Austin and then to Houston for 2 weeks. Isn't that weird when i'm going to be in Houston Robby is too...Will I meet him? I sure hope so. The song Black Ballon really reminds me of him, don't ask why.
So I talked to Sky last night. He should be at S.P.I. already...doesn't that suck? When i'm going he's coming. Yeah I don't think i'm going to be able to talk to him for a while, unless he gets the guts and calls me *which I really hope he does* I'm going to miss him. Not in that sense, but in the sense that he's a really good friend.
I haven't talked to Robby since last Sunday and thats kinda bumming me out. Not a lot, well at least I don't think. I'm starting to think I really want to meet him. The more I think of him the more I know I do care about him. I also care about someone else too, but Robby's different.
I went to the movies Sunday...I had an o.k. time. The one good thing about it was that I went with a guy, not a date...eww NO...but just as friends. The thing is I don't know he made me feel wanted. We held hands for a while, I didn't feel right holding someone I have no feelings for so I didn't. I just miss feeling someone there for me.
I was thinking of all the times I've been happy. Most of them have been with my friends, but then I really started thinking and I was happy with my ex. I knew it wasn't going to work out, but I don't know I really did love him. It was awesome having someone there for me. Holding his hand, feeling his kiss, hearing his heart as I laid on top of him. It was the best. I mean I don't have feelings for him anymore, in that sense, but apart of me will never forget him. He opened my heart up. He showed me how it felt to really be loved. It's weird that i'm talking about him since we don't even speak anymore, but I guess before I leave i'll just give him a big thank you.
My life has changed so much this year it's unbelievable. I've grown up finally. Am I really ready for all this though? I don't know. I got my diploma today and my transcript and on the drive back home *which isn't too long* I started thinking. I rememebered my first day of highschool. I was terrified, but as I took that final glance I felt like I was leaving home. That just wasn't a school for me. It was my time being spent on the best 4 years of my life *so far* I have so many memories i'm leaving with. I finally had my first boyfriend. First time to get drunk. Pretty much first everythings. You name it I probably did it. I had a 97. some as my average for my senior year. Thats crazy. The one year I did horrible in it was so high. I'm proud of myself. I didn't do lots of things I wanted to do, but I did the best things. I made some good friends and lost some great ones. Knowing I won't see some of these people ever again does make me sad, but just to think i'm starting a whole new chapter in my life makes me so excited OK NO scared. I'm terrified! I'm not ready for all this.
I have a meeting with St.Edwards on Friday and just to think i'm going to spend the next 4 years of my life there is weird. My high school life is going to be so different from my college life i'm sure. Different people...no one to trust...no one to be there for you. How am I going to adjust to that? Everyone knew me over here. How am I suppose to act? Should I act like myself? OH GOSH I think I better not, I would like friends. Maybe i'm just looking too much into this, maybe it will be the best experience of my life. I don't know, but one thing is...i'll never forget anyone I met throughout my life here in Rio. I'm not leaving completly yet, but in a sense i've been gone for a while.
(Post a new comment)