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^*^*NoLi Me TaNgErE*^*^ (satansbabe34) wrote,
@ 2005-05-05 21:19:00
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    Current mood: confused
    Current music:Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts

    why?
    I'm going through so much and I don't even know anymore...I don't know what's wrong with me or who I'm mad at...

    Did I do something wrong? I'm I not good enough for you? Do you think of me as much as I think of you? Is this really going to work? Are you really doing what your telling me your doing? Do you really love me?

    Yes those were just a few question I needed to get out. Will they get answered. Of course NOT! I just don't know where my life is going anymore, or where I want it to go. I have so many friends, yet I feel so alone in this world. I despise my mother from the pit of my stomach and everyone now understands why I am the way I am. People, especially my family, see my as someone I'm not. I'm not a spolied brat, if they only knew what happens behind closed doors. I can't take being here anymore. It's so much more than just this city, it's this house. I LOVE MY FRIENDS! I don't know what I would do without them. My family doesn't know half the things I go through. All they know is what I tell them, and I only tell them things that are pointless. Why do I do that? They see me as a heartless person that doesn't know right from wrong. WOW! That's not me! Ask my friends, ask my teachers ASK ME! My family doesn't even bother to try to get to know me. They take everything my "mother" tells them and assume that's exactly how I am. Why don't they bother to ask me my side of the constant arguements. I'm finally going to move to Austin *but like I told TJ* that is too close to her*mother*. I need to move out of the country. Seriously if all goes as planned with RobbY I'm going to ask if I can move with him. I can get a job and hopefully go to a little college over there. It would be the best, a whole different country away from all these bad attitudes keeping me down. *SNAPS BACK INTO REALITY* Like that could ever happen, but hey maybe I don't need to move with him. Maybe I can move on my own. You know all summer save up some cash, maybe get a little job up in Austin, then BAM move to Paris or Barcelona. I can get a job as a translator or in some hotel you know because I know english, spanish and french. That would be crazy. I could get a little place till I can get settled down and are able to get on my own two feet. I should really start looking into places to live at up in Europe. I can leave and never come back, i'll tell everyone I have no family that i'm an orphan. I mean people move out there on their own all the time, why can't I make it? I don't want to go to St.Edwards anymore, I never did. It wasn't an option for me to what college I wanted to go to. I hate it, no one ever listens to me, they only listen when I have something stupid to say. Maybe that's why they think the way they do about me. They have selective hearing. That's crap. I have so much going on right now. I don't need pointless crap bothering me too. Wow other than all this I still have the whole prom thing. That seems so insignificant next to all my other problems. But is it really insignificant? It's the last time I can be with the people that mean the world to me. I guess at the end of it all I don't have a choice in that either. My family is crazy. I'm crazy. I don't know what I'm going to do this summer. If I don't get to see RobbY this summer I'll blame my family. I'm suppose to see Sky this summer as well. Wow I don't even know what's happening with him. Well actually I do know what's happening, and I'm not stopping it. It's a little more realistic and he's honestly the only person I can see myself with, NEXT to RobbY. Should I not be doing this? I'm really not doing anything, but the thoughts alone are bad. Sky's in Austin RobbY's in gosh the other side of the world. How long do I have to wait to be happy? Sky has his own things going on. Do I really want to be the one to get in the middle of all that? Should I ignore my happiness to please other people?

    I really hope everything goes as plan. I hope we get to spend the rest of our lives together. I wish I could be happy with you and only you. I wish you were here.

    Copyright © 2005 MaWeeN sHiT


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