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Sarah (sarahbarah80) wrote,
@ 2004-07-07 20:40:00
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    Rambling thoughts
    This is the first time I've ever had an online journal. I don't really know what to say. The girls are in their toy room playing and I've got a chance to actually sit down and figure this out. I've been meaning to for awhile now.

    I called in sick today at work so I could stay home with them. We went swimming at mom's house for a little while then we came home and started cleaning the house.

    It's been a hellacious week. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to handle all this or not. I can't talk to anybody about it so I decided the best way to get this off my chest is just to send it into cyberspace. Lol...good call, huh? This deal with Roy is eating me alive. I feel so guilty. He's been begging for a boy and I wouldn't even consider the possibility. I was cruel and insensitive. I simply didn't want to be pregnant again, and now this. Some strange woman can give him what I wouldn't. I know it's not my fault but I can't help but feel that God is somehow punishing me. I've tried to apologize. :) That's funny, isn't it? I've always felt that what we had couldn't be tainted by anything and now...I just feel like something ugly has penetrated our special world. We're not supposed to be faced with these kinds of problems. We are wonderful god-fearing parents who work and give everything we can to our children. Why is this happening to us now? What can I do to stop it? Why can't I shake this guilt? Please just give me some kind of answer!!!


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