|Current music:||Hey//The Pixies|
This last thing I do Regret, for you feel like Home to me.
& it makes me wonder, why do we follow these unspoken rules.
Why is it they remain silent when we're all expected to oblige them.
Nothing of importance is ever quiet. So many trivial expectancies are even sometimes screamed. It's not I'm unappreciative of boundaries, I'm quite the fan. But, clarity in rules is not our enemy. It does not suck the fun out of life. Questioning is not always creative. Some things should, in fact, remain vague to allow us to use our minds- so many things are subjective. Rules are not.
If at this moment in reading, you're wondering where it is I'm going- I encourage you to continue wondering & be satisfied or stop. I'm not in the business of satisfaction. Whether or not I can keep my mind on track & portray just where it is I'm coming from & why. Why bring this up, what just so inclined me to give my two cents on the subject of rules. Well, it doesn't so much concern me. After all, it is after 3am & hell, have I ever indicated myself to be someone who stays focused on one topic? Rather, sees a line of thinking through?
If you answered yes, piss off.
& yeah, this is me conventional. Because writing is subjective. I dare you to argue that. General rules apply, (IE. grammatical, etc.)
I write as if there were an actual audience. Reality, maybe two readers. It may be the biggest audience I ever have. So, my possible two readers, I do not take you for granted. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Being heard is very important.
Take that how you will.
Why is it I always find myself feeling fucked. Not trapped. Not situational fucked. Just fucked. I do not want to believe I'm so fragile that I have to watch every word & step, no matter how small, I make lest my head bother me. When is my head never bothered. When is yours?
I'll never write a book. I'll never be published. I'll never sell a photograph. Probably not. If you want something bad enough, you can achieve it. What kind of bullshit optimism is that to try & program into our heads? It's made so success stories seem dime a dozen. I find this jaded thinking. Damaging & dangerous. Why not, you want something bad enough- try. See what happens.
Because it's all we can do. & fuck you, it seems more than half the time we want something we later find it's not. Leave some goddamn room for appeal. Nothing is ever as it seems. That's unspoken rules at it's finest, yeah?
Why fuck with happiness. Because it's something we all want. & we're all going to want to something, even when we have it all or damn near close. Damn near close is doing top-notch, too. If I could be damn near close to anything, I'd have more to say for myself.
Why do we want the things we do. Because we can.
Isn't that answer for so many things? Because we can. Because I can. Because you can.
& no, this is no editorial. This is no where near acceptable for any kind of publication. I'm not trying. & if I did, I would say the same damn thing.
If you see something I'm stressing here, speak up.
Attachments. More like, melded together with a soldering iron. Nothing's so simple.
[Day in, Day out] I see you live your life again
A fool I stand here in Waiting
In letters, words & pictures
You profess your Love to me
& to the last they were lies
The malice I should feel for you Deceitfulness
Some how always Escapes me
& in the shading
Between the words you said to me
I know I'd be left Empty
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