| Current mood: | +++[-]work |
| Current music: | Time of the Season//The Zombies |
To You//Everything I Bestow
At work before 8am.
We carpooled! lol
The car I've been using is on life support//Dying.
A relaxing [short!] weekend.
Yesterday, I woke up 20 til ten. Started watching Dexter. Looked around.
&something posessed me at the early hour to clean.
First the living room.
Then, the kitchen AH!
I scrubbed the fridge & the cabinets. Finished dishes, dried 'em put 'em away.
Cleaned out the science projects in the fridge & reorganized.
-Muah!- lemoney fresh.
Cameron slept in til about 11. Wide eyed at the surroundings, I got kisses ^__^
I went grocery shopping while he got his hair cut later that evening. When I do this... I can't help myself & get more than I intend to. I can't shop for myself, finding shoes in Cola Satutrday was a FAIL. Anywho, I bought all sorts of candles & new coffee mugs fer us & breakfast stuff & milk & mixers & tea & peanut buttermmmmm.
We kinda sorta ate a lot yesterday o.O
Subs, hotdogs then chicken for dinner, lol.
Tomorrow is the OCTech wine Gala =D
I can't wait to wear my new cocktail dress. [just have to find fucking shooeeesss XD]
I might have to rape Cameron seeing him all decked out + his cologne jdbjasbfjsabjfbasMINE
This passed week & a half has been pretty hilarious. He loves to wrestle & fuck around = the millions of bruises on my legs. So, he's been paranoid about giving me more 'cause I have to wear a dress & Mike might go sadistic on him if he sees that & gets the wrong idea. When I start losing the battle, I'll just scream "BRUISES NO!!!!" & he stops. Buwhaha.
He was being so sweet last night. He woke up me up a couple times during the night by wrapping his arms around me & pulling me into him. I'd turn my head into him & feel his warm lips on my cheek. Muahbebeh
le sigh
Can anything this good last forever?
I've been trying to get better about being open & not trying to fix what upsets me on my own & not talking about it. I just don't like to get him involved but it wears on my attitude around him & he always knows when I'm not happeh. & he's been getting better about not getting mad that I'm mad, lol. He felt pretty bad 'cause of what I went through with Aaron, he doesn't want it to seem like that. I'll shell up & go slightly catatonic & no one wins! Bad memories >.<
Even if we've had to have talks 'cause someone was mad at the other, we still haven't really fought. We have talks. We don't yell. We may get an attitude but we don't insult one another. We just sit there until it's resolved & then one of us will stretch out our arms to the other & signal for them to come here! & we cuddle. Or have sex. Either way, it's a-go! lol
Fuck. Check this out.
A fucking uniform journal entry.
Damn being happy!
So, this book I'm having to read on prescription by Dr. Juneaja
It says that depression is not an illness.
It's a state of mind.
Whatever you feel is first a thought.
Your thoughts are a direct cause to what you will feel.
In other words, we depress ourselves.
He said, if I keep that in mind, I will see how immediately my mind will go to the negative during any situation. It's my first instinct. If there's a problem, I assume the worst & then my mood reflects that.
I don't disagree with this at all.
This whole thing isn't just going to talk to someone like it use to be. This guy...
I like him.
He's making me do homework.
I can see this is headed to some serious self-inflection.
Facing demons.
I'm kinda... not prepared for that. It's a scary thought.
Getting to the root of all my evils.
What if what is unveiled backfires & I become severly introverted?
I've asked Cameron as few times, out of insecurity, if it bothered him I'm not as healthy as the normal person.
Mentally & physically.
Of course, he always says no.
I suppose I would have figured out by now if it did.
I'm sure the whole, once my mood goes to shit 'cause of a dumbshit texting his phone or anything making me unhappy, it is near impossible to get me back in a good mood. I'm sure that bothers him. I mean, I'll get out of my funk eventually & if Cameron helps, it'll happen a lot sooner. But it sucks... I can be so fucking hyper & energetic & then suddenly BLAM -I flatline-
I'ma bring that up next session. Maybe. Bet it's just a mental thing, too.
UUUGGGHHHHH helping yourself is difficult.
I have to attempt shoe shopping agian today. Gala is tomorrow! I think we might get wasted! It's til 10pm! That's a lot of wine tasting! I better not buy major heels!
Monday night is TrueBlood night!
LW & Amber told us it's a two hour episode O_O luuuuvve
Work is making my happy... push to the back. GAH I don't know what to do. I'm gridlocked. I need prices motherfuckers! Where the fuck do you find a good danish?! Sticky buns?! Anyone?!
Instead of finding used, retro, funky furniture... we are now going to spend thousands on new funky furniture >.< That's what happens when you get a a rich jersey girl involved. MOO.
but hey! We have someone to open at 6am! It won't be me! Yah!
I came into the store this morning... & EVERYTHING has been reorganized. The shelves are all changed around. Nice. Keep the store looking different. THIS MEANS CAROLINE ACTUALLY DID WORK! woohoo.
I'm hungry...
We need a toaster. I could be eating bagels right now! I love samples!
My eyes are burning!
I keep thinking I will have to tell Cameron we need to not spend everyday together... that I need to distance myself...
I can see where I'm going at this pace.
I'm going to fall in love with him. &I think it's only a matter of months.
We're going on five months into this... too soon!
He makes not doing so very MUY MUY difficult.
I'll be damned if I say it first!
He&I had this conversation awhile ago, lol.
I am utterly attracted to him in every way possible.
It's hard to look at him & not want to melt into him.
When he touches me, I'm surrendered almost useless.
His soft, warm brown eyes, when they have me in view-
I have to look away & bury my face into his chest.
I can't help my hands that will wander his entire body.
I can't tell him any of this!
I mean, maybe I could, but fuck me
I'm scared to.
I don't like being emotionally vulnerable. Not anymore.
It's been so tabooed.
My insides go berserk when I think about being hurt again like I was with Fred.
Or Aaron. Or Mark.
I'm told, that's just a risk you have to take when it comes to this.
Otherwise, you could miss out on something great.
-_-
Catch22
I need to read that.
Cheerio lads
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