| Current mood: | sleepy |
| Current music: | Chris Burns, Mandy Moore, Joey Fatone, Lance Bass - On The Line |
"There's Nothing that I wouldn't do."
-She sighed softly to herself and settled into her computer chair as she draped the warm fleece blanket onto her lap before settling her fingers lightly against the keys of the keyboard before her.-
The cat is out of the bag, so to speak. There isn't one person in this facility who doesn't know that Christian and I are together. Shelley was a bit perturbed at first, but like she said to me, Christian and I have known each other since the beginning of arriving to the center and we've been hanging out everyday since then so it's no surprise that we got together. She asked if I was in love with him. What a silly question! While I admire Christian a lot and I'm almost infatuated with the man, I am not in love. To tell you the truth, I don't even know how to be in love; I don't know how it feels to be in love, so I couldn't answer that question if I was asked a million times. I enjoy spending time with him, he makes me forget the world outside and he makes me smile more times than I have in my entire lifetime. So I thank him for bringing the real me out when I thought she was gone forever.
On Saturday, he gained permission from Shelley to take me out on a realhonest-to-goodness date in a restaurant. It was wonderful. I was dressed simply in a pair of jeans and a white collared shirt beneath a v-neck pink sweater, but he said I looked beautiful. And not to sound stupid, but he looked gorgeous. He was dressed in a pair of baggy khaki cargoes and a white shirt beneath a black baggy sweater. He looked so good with his dark hair slicked back and a pair of wire-rim glasses on his nose. I knew he wore glasses for reading, but I've never seen him wear them so it was a surprise to see them on his face. A pleasant surprise. He took me to a nice restaurant. Oliver's Italian restaurant. It seems to me that the ideal place to take a girl nowadays is an Italian restaurant.
He seated me first before taking the seat across from me. He had chosen the table by the window which I thought was perfect. Even though I knew it wouldn't happen, I could look out the window and watch passerbys in case we ran out of things to talk about. I was right though. It didn't happen. We spoke about what we'd do when we got out of the center and he asked if he could come visit me sometime in Maryland. I, of course, said yes. My mom and Josh had already met him, in fact, and they think he's great, so I know it wouldn't be a real problem. I'm starting to believe that Christian will probably not be able to meet my other two brothers anytime soon and I don't really mind. There's no rush, anyway. He'll meet them someday soon enough.
He said he lived in Northern California. About a thirty minute drive from San Francisco. I've never been to San Francisco. I heard it was a lovely city, and he said if I ever came up there to visit sometime, he'd personally give me a tour of the city since he said he worked there at a huge record store in downtown San Francisco. I can't wait.
-She pauses mid-typing and chews on her bottom lip thoughtfully, her mind debating on whether she should write on what's been really on her mind. She quietly nodded to herself and continued onto typing.-
Yesterday was Father's Day. And.. he came to see me. That was really weird. I hadn't seen my dad since I was twelve years old when he walked out. I was really surprised when Shelley came to my door and said that a family member had come to see me. Since I knew that mom was in Maryland with Josh and Mandy and everyone else, helping out and having some kind of family reunion that excluded me, I knew it couldn't be any of them. I walked out to the visitor's area and found my dad sitting at a vacant blue table in the far off corner of the room. I almost turned around to walk away but something compelled me to walk forward and sit in front of him. It was so awkward. For someone who's been gone for eight years, he looked remarkably well-off. Clean pressed jeans with a plaid shirt tucked in. The only difference is that his face was bruised terribly. I remembered then that Benj had written about dad coming to see him about money and a fight issuing right after. I think my dad deserved the beating he got. I told him so and then I told him that if he had come looking for money, he came to the wrong place because I had no money.
His face was expressionless for a moment but it softened as he continued to gaze at me. He then told me that he didn't come for money. That he had talked to mom and she told him where I was and that he came to see me. He said he missed his little girl. I don't know whether I should believe that or not but I know that a part of me is hoping that it's true. I haven't had a dad in eight years; my heart is starved for one. So I wished him a Happy Father's Day and he took me out of the center after asking permission and treated me to some lunch at a nearby cafe. There wasn't much talking done but I sensed rather than heard that he really wanted to get to know his family again. I don't know. I know my brothers will not give him a chance. At all. But a part of me really wants to. I think it's that forgiving side of me. I don't know, I guess we'll just see what happens.
-Sighs softly to herself and presses 'update' before pushing back her chair and turning to climb into bed while waiting for her computer to hibernate. She snuggled under the warm blanket and shut her eyes, ignoring the fact that it's morning.-
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