Sarah Madden (s__madden) wrote, @ 2003-05-04 18:47:00

Current mood:

depressed

Uh, shit.
So I guess everyone heard. I'm a drug addict. Woopee. I'm also a drunk, let's not forget that. I never should have come here to see the guys. It was a big mistake. I was better off at home doing what I wanted. Now I'm here in the hospital wondering what I'm going to do when I get out. I gave Benjamin my word that I would let him help me. I also gave Mandy my word when she stopped by to see me.

I feel like complete shit. Being stuck here in the hospital. I hate the way the doctors and nurses here are staring at me. Like I'm kind of demon-child with no way of being helped. I hate the condescending looks they're giving me, it's irritating me and I'd like nothing more than to push them out the window and watch them hit the sidewalk. Since when did I get violent tendencies anyway? I surprise myself sometimes.

As for Joel. I don't even know. I don't get why he's blaming himself because it's not his fault. I could have stopped myself only I chose not to. I was rash and I didn't care about anything but about myself. I was angry at him for trying to butt his way into my life when he didn't bother to before. I was pissed that he was trying to take things away from me. And at that precise moment when I was standing in front of him, I hated him. I hated him, I hated Benjamin, I hated everyone and I just wanted to get away.

I collapsed against Mandy. I took too many of those pills and I knew something was wrong when the room started to spin in outlandish directions. And even the way Mandy sounded to my ears. Distorted and out of place. It scared me and I collapsed. The last thing I heard was someone screaming my name and grabbing me.

I think I really need to talk to Joel later on. I hope I can. I hope he stops by. There are some things that need to be said without us yelling and biting each other's heads off. So Joel if you can, come by.

kreuk__k 2003-05-04 22:13 (link)

Anger can cause us to do rash things at the heat of the moment and though it may seem the best thing at that exact moment in the long run it isn't. I understand at times people just want to take a break and get away from things, I mean I often spend some time by myself to think things through when I need to. I know it may not seem like much Sarah, but -hugs- I'm here for you. I can offer you my private place where I go to think, so you can be alone any time you need to get away. As for those people that you feel are condescending you just don't mind them. If it helps you can just flick them off and not pay attention to them. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	mandy_moore 2003-05-04 22:43 (link)
	I love you Sarah :[ (Reply to this) (Thread)