Relly (s0phistication) wrote, @ 2003-04-14 23:48:00

Current mood:	Whatever
Current music:	No Music

My Final Entry For Now
- Sigh. - This is the end of the line for me. At least for now. What happened on Saturday hasn't left my head because it shows how badly I need to change. Online and off, I have made some many mistakes and taken so many wrong turns, hurting people I love and care about along the way. I am in love with Tj. I told him about me and Corey last night and like I wrote previously, his words stung like hell like they always do. I don't deserve pity or sympathy for what I've done to him. 3 times I have let him and twice he has gratiously taken me back. This time I wasn't so lucky. He doesn't think we should talk to each other for a while. For once, I didn't force him to change his mind, no matter how hard I tried in the beginning to. His stubborness although annoying at times is what I love about him. He knew how he felt about me and instead of being a coward like me and running, he stayed truth and had faith. I think too much with my head. I neglect my heart because I'm so used to operating with this thing in my head. I'm paying the price. I'm not stupid enough to kill myself no matter how much I'm dying inside, but I know when it's time for me to be alone. I need to learn a lot more things. Cait would tell me I think I know everything when we fight, and really she's right. I have to be right. I'm tired of letting my brain rule everything. I'm tired of mapping and planning out my life and everything has to go that way. I'm just tired. Over analyzing certain situations is fine. Over analyzing life isn't. I'll update when I can. Tears run down my cheeks as I look back on everything. How lost I've been. What a fool I am. You all have made me as strong as I wanted to be. Given me the courage I needed. I now have have to make the final change. I will miss everyone.
Gissy-Damn... I don't have words for you Gis. You truly are my sister. 3 years have felt like 10 and never has anyone helped me out in ways that you have. Even when we argued, you've shone the light on some things for me and I am too grateful. If you find that you feel you're in love with Manny, go for it. Don't think, don't doubt, nothing. Go with what you feel. Spare yourself what I've went through. You're one of the kindest people I've ever met and you deserve the world Gis, you really do. You aren't fat and you are beautiful inside and out. Remember, I AM NOT THE COUCH. ;x
Cait-My Eminem crazed valley girl ;x I am gonna miss you SO much. You and Gis have been closer to me than anyone. 3 years we've went through shit. Disagreements, fallouts, all that, and we're still here. You have been a savior to me and I love you. The same goes for you what I said to Gis. Don't ever change. Not for anyone. It's all really not worth it when you lose everything. I'll always be your Pocahontas. ;]
Rica-I don't remember if you even have my blurty name or not, but I will miss you just as much!! Although you were depressing at times, you still were able to make me laugh. Keep your head up. Stop lettin life and family keep you down. And dun forget. Cable. Tv. xD
G-Unit-Damn it Chrissi, my Chrissi-Bear, my G-Unit. Imma have to call you!! I don't IM you a lot or talk with you as much as I would want too, but you will always be my G-Unit. Dun you dare forget me. Keep an eye on Tj for me. Keep Ja Ja outta trouble too. And keep Carlito in check, you know he needs help. I hope things work out with you and Jerad. I love you G-Unit. <3 VIRGINIA IS FOR HUSTLERS ;x
Kryshay-Kryshay...... where can I begin.. you are just as obsessed with Shane West and Jimmy as much as Cait is with Eminem. Don't you dare give up on your dream either. You can do it Krysh. You're funny, talented, and crazy, which all adds to your personality making you just as beautiful as you look.
Dani- Jesus help me.. Dani, I'm not gonna miss you. ;x You man. You are too much sometimes. Virginia isn't made for you. LEAVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Keep being you tho. <333
Bree-My bacon, my lover <3333333333 I am gonna miss you and your crazy moments. Fighting Gis over you. ;x Keep it real. Dun change, stay pimpin it, all that. <3333333
Corey-I dun have words for you either man. You blacker than me, shit. I know you had feelings for me and I'm sorry it all went down the way it did. You also have talent. Dun give up on it. Keep at it. You ever get the urge to write again, dun ignore it. I want an autographed album. ;] <33333
Grandma Ash and Ash-You two need Jesus, it's not your fault, but I still love you. No more bickerin while I'm gone. <33333333333333
Stephy- My Stephy <333333333333333333 I wuff you so much. We didn't talk a lot, but you will always be considered one of my best friends.
Sami Bambi-You need help. You need help. You need help. You need help. You need help. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. ;x <33333333333333333333333333333333333 You'll be fine. Stop bein so hard on yourself and lettin people get you down. Brush it off. ;]

	qlamour 2003-04-15 01:44 (link)
	Aww, I love ya, Rell. - Hugs. - ;] (Reply to this) (Thread)

	christiina 2003-04-15 19:08 (link)
	G-Unit! <33333 Yes, you have to call me sometime or I'ma call you. ;D I give up with Jerard + the whole male population. I'm destined to be single for the rest of my life, lol. ViRGiNiA iS FOR HUSTLERS!! Love ya G-Unit (Reply to this) (Thread)

	;[ (Anonymous) 2003-04-15 19:40 (link)
	Rellima, I luff you. ;[ I'mma miss you so much. You rock Rellima. Don't stop writing, I am still waiting for chapter two. Hurry up! ;] Youz my angel. Thanks for being here for me. Samii (Reply to this) (Thread)

pink_thonq 2003-04-15 23:25 (link)

You're my shining star, Relly. Strong willed, never there to put up with bullshit, always backing a friend in need, lending a shoulder to cry on. You've always been there when I've needed that kick in the ass and you've put up with a hell of a lot from everyone. You've delt with more than your fair share of messed up things and the thing you've got to keep in mind, no matter what, is that someone will always be there for you. Sometimes it's the least likely person you'd think of. But remember that you are the only person who can make you happy. You are the one that lets things effect you. Learn from it all, Relly. You'll be so much happier in the end. I'm here for you if you need me. I realize that I'm not around that much but hey, that's what email is for right? ;] Hey, shake that ghetto booty to some Genuine for me. You'll be ok BearBear. We all love you tons. :: blows lots of kisses. :: Smile for me kiddo. Leigh* (Reply to this) (Thread)

Reply to Post s0phistication 2003-04-16 16:53 (link)

Awww. Leigh <3333333333 I'm so sorry I forgot you. When I wrote that Monday night, I was did when I wasn't looking at my buddylist and everything was a blurr. I just need some time to be me ya know? But thank you for everything you've said. Not only do I feel much better after one day of not being on but reading this makes me feel so much better about my decision. The Ginuwine will NEVER stop playing. ;] I luff you tons too. I'm on every other day maybe or night to do little things like check email. I'm awaiting my acceptance or rejection letter to this workshop. I requested they send it to me by email since I'm on so much.But I'm on for a few minutes or an hour to download or research something, stuff like that. I'll be back after exams which end May 15th. It seems so long, but I seriously need the time to study. My report card.. eh, not like me at all, but we all could use a break. Lord knows I'm strugglin' to keep myself busy when I come home now, but I feel a change. Hope to talk to you in a few weeks. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)