Another Brick In The Wall (run_like_hell) wrote, @ 2003-07-25 07:40:00

"I miss the comfort in being sad"
I woke up at 6 this morning because I had a nightmare. :[ It was lame, but way scary. I've been feeling really shitty the past few days. I feel like I have no one to lean on. I'm annoyed with almost everyone. I've just been getting irritated very easily, I guess...
And with some things I don't know what to think or how to act. I'm just unsure of how I should feel, and I act off of those impulses blindly because I don't know what else to do... it's the only thing I really can do. This happens a lot. I'm never sure of myself. I suppose there is no correct or incorrect way to feel.
I have no idea how I'm going to handle school this year, either. It scares me, actually. Highschool is serious, I don't know why I think of it as all a joke. I still have some maturing left to do.
I now realize I feel just as lost as ever. I thought I was making progress, but it seems as though I've just been stagnating...

I think... sometime soon... I should take a break from people. This should be difficult. I love my friends when they act accordingly [like a friend]. I love getting drunk. I love parties. I'm about to start school, so I guess I picked a bad time. Ha. Once again, I. don't. know.
I just feel like I need to take time away from everyone and work on myself. The person I am now is not who I want to always be. I'm working on creating an identity I'm comfortable with.
[...I wonder if most people even look that deeply into themselves...]
I'm self-destructive. I waste a lot of time. I have a lot of dreams. I'd like to not fuck myself up to the point where they're impossible to reach.