| Current mood: |  flirty |
| Current music: | no doubt- running |
ok.. lemme update since the 30th til now..
Last night before I went to bed:
yan timster: yo
XD rpg gurl XD: hey
yan timster: so wat up
XD rpg gurl XD: bored
yan timster: realy
XD rpg gurl XD: yes
yan timster: cum over to mi casa
XD rpg gurl XD: my mom wouldnt let me :P
yan timster: bs
yan timster: jk
XD rpg gurl XD: Lol.
yan timster: can u cum tommorrow
XD rpg gurl XD: maybe
yan timster: when are u gona make Short do the dirty work
XD rpg gurl XD: - yawns - tomorrow..
XD rpg gurl XD: ..why? you're all of a sudden interested in my love life..
yan timster: my friend told me i should go out with u
Wow. Stab. In. The. Heart. My ex boyfriend, who broke up with me for no apparent reason, telling me this.. wow... I'm shocked.. he later on IMed me ( thats why i'm all shocked ) telling me that he wanted to go out with me.. Ugh. Let the craziness that begins with summer.. BEGIN!
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I got up. Went outside. Took a shower. Went back outside and chilled since no one else was home. It was so nice. Being alone in this big house with no one else but my thoughts and spirits. ^__^ I took a nice long shower. Then I blasted my techno songs and danced around. I got really hyper @____@!! So.. I wasted all my energy bouncing around and cleaning. Weto came back from the game, Uncle Joe dropped him off.. Erin came by and showed me her new hair cut Which looks so adorible on her!!! Then mom came home. I talked to Mike, the guy that wants me and Tommy to go out.
his reasons:
"1. Tommy needs some ass
2. You need to get laid.
3. You're Tommy's only good girl that is a friend.
4. You're hot"
The guy doesn't even know me. o_o; I just showed him a pic recently. Lmfao. It's funny cause it's sad. Tommy talks to me all the time now. - sigh - I didn't realize how much I missed him as a friend. He's so funny. I think he got taller than me.. --;;;; Sheesh.. I'm so short.. Even Scott Horne is taller than me by like 2 inches. Bastards! ;-; Blah. Being tall would suck either way.
But yea. Mom ordered pizza. There was much rejoicing.. omg.. the bread sticks were sooo good ^___,^ About an hour later she ran outta beer, so we went to the corner store. She got me 5 things of red bull. Omg. I was bouncing off the walls!!! I'm drinking the last one right now =[ Half the can left.. Man when I get money.. I'ma buy a whole case of that shiz. But yea. I came back.. we watched some show about the history of music icons.. I got online and re-did my site. It looks so tightass.. Go see! Sign my guestbook! I got a tag board once again. Wee! I talked to Kristen a bit earlier.. Man. I miss talking to her. ( subliminal note to self.. need to talk to Kristen more often. ) I need to stop shutting out from everyone. =/ - goes to unblock everyone - I just block people cuz I don't feel like talking to them. Nothing personal y'all. Lol.. - drinks more red bull - yea. I'm gonna go IM Kia. Later
My hand is numb. Updated site once again. I got some cute little adopties.. I think I'll get some more. hm.. Tomorrow around noon I get my hair dye! This time it'll be PINK! Cute! Then after a while if I convince my mom, i'ma get corn rows ^__^ YAY!
Tomorrow I'm gonna take cute widdle pictures of Erin and her new hair cut. I think I'll get my pics from Thursaday back tomorrow ^___^ I'll upload all of them onto here first thing!
PAULIE JUST IMED ME! YAY!!
Don't be scurred.
wow. I didn't update yesterday.. that's like.. weird. x_o.. anyways... yea. I got up, mom took me to get hair dye. Got "cotton candy pink" and some bleach. Went to Walmart.. Mom got more Buffy DVDs.. and I got my new video game type deal "alice".. Yea.. HEB... came back home. Nathan came over when we were unloading the car.. We chilled. He was really flirty that day and tried to shove his hands down my pants. o_o In a kidding kinda way.. We went to the living room Chilled.. watched more buffy with mom, she dyed my hair.. well bleached it. It was fucked up. During that time Chris called and yea.. other chris got jumped by Zack.. and he prolly has a broken jaw according to Brown. Yea. He came over and stayed the nite cause he was scurred as fuck. LALA.. Nathan went home around 9. Me and chris chilled around.. dyed it pink.. it didn't really take.. Fell asleep.. and yea.. Woke up. and stumbled to the computer. Lol...
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Wow. Today was fucked up. Woke up. Stumbled into my bathroom and started to do my routine.. and Chris walks in. I forgot he spent the nite and scared the hell outta me. X_O We chilled. Painted his and my nails black. Called Erin over for a while. We talked to Bowman on the phone. He got his jaw dislocated. HAHAHA! Faggot. Erin left. We got online. Mom woke up. Went to Sally's beauty shop. Got 2 things of pink dye for me and a blue one for Chris. Went to HEB, got hair gel.. like a big ass thing of it for Chris.. I got my blonde hair dye. Went to my house. I dyed his hair blue, it didn't take. It turned out grayish greenish. Then we found out you gotta blow dry it for a while. I dyed my hair blonde. It got super blonde. Short called. Chris was all complaining that his hair was not blue. Got off the phone and went outside, got Erin to come out and see our hair. We bounced around. Chris went home. I talked with Erin for while.. Went inside. Got bored. Called Short back, he 3-wayed Anthony. Talked. Miss miss. Hug hug.. Fuck- Nothing. Lol. Just kidding. Uh.. They came over. Ate dinner.. chilled.. watched Buffy.. tried to dye Anthony's hair pink!! Then he left. :P Me and Aaron chilled around. ( He still loves you Erin >_>; ) I began to dye mine pink.. He left a couple of minutes later. I fixed it up.. I blow dryed it.. watched buffy with mommy dearest.. Then I washed it out.. it looks GORGOUS! I'll get a pic on here later ;) Now I'm chilling around. Got dentist tomorrow.. wee!
YAY! I updated my site ONCE AGAIN! I can tell I'm going to be doing that a lot this summer.. I went to the dentist today and got the root canal. It went smoothly, it turns out that they had ALREADY started the root canal at my old dentist. - falls - they redid it and yea. mom and i went to the store 2 + a half hours later. God. It took forever. She bought me some asperin.. i think I might need it soon.. I was super hyper at the store. Lol. Anthony called when I got home. We talked. I tried to go over to Short's house but mom wouldn't let me cause it was raining lightly.. fucking.. =/ Short broke up with his little goody good girlfriend. Hm. Yea. I chilled around. Nathan came over. We watched Blade. Short called. Talked.. wee.. I luff Blade now. I see how come people are mad at the Matrix, it's basically a rip-off of Blade... or maybe the people that made Blade, made Matrix.. ah well.. whatever.. I began to work on my site again.. nathan left a while ago.. my tooth hurt.. I need to clean my room and call Short back.. Later
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A couple of days ago I had this really bad nightmare of.. lemme tell you;
It was outside my house, me and 2 other people (Rafai and Erin i think...) we began to walk towards THE HOUSE, then it got really dark.. like nighttime dark almost.. I heard a skid, a blue old ghetto looking car drove by swervingly... (lmfao.. swerveingly..) I said "God. That car looks like it would do a drive-by" Just as I said it, the car turned around and drove past us again. This time you could see the driver it was Kendall, she leaned out the window, her hair flyin everywhere in different length, she pulled a gun out and shot 5 times.. 3 hitting me, i heard screaming as i fell to the grass.. I couldn't brethe..it seemed so real, she ran outta the car and shot me 2 more times.. I woke up. I ran to the mirror and looked where the bullets hit me in the dream, there were little red circles..
Later on the last day of school.. I learned that Kendall got sent away to a Mental Hospital.. For trying to kill Cory and then herself.. =/ Coincidence..?
Anthony wants to break up. we're gonna talk about it...
It’s getting hard when your having your life intersect with the lives of two other people, and I guess it’s really bringing my life to a downfall of no return. One way leads to bliss. The other to damnation. It’s all like this. Erin’s life. It’s really getting to me. The pain one faces on a daily basis. The recognition one does not receive. It got to me so badly. I wanted to sit down with her on numerous occasions and talk it out with her- how hard could it be, it’s just speaking. I can’t talk worth hell.. I can only talk threw the words on a paper. The swift movement of fingers on the keyboard or the markings on paper. It seems so much more relaxing than vocally, though with vocals you can accompany them with gestures so that you could get your point across. Back to Erin. I’ve been spending all my time worrying about her. Worrying about how she’s doing this very second, hoping that she doesn’t cave and do something she would regret later. I mean. She truly has no idea how much people care about her. How much people trust in her that she would not do anything. I’m very worried about her tomorrow. What her actions and decisions will be referring to everything that is going on in her life.
Then here’s the other life, Anthony’s. “The decisions one makes effects even the people you least expect.” I was talking with Aaron about him earlier- Anthony was on the phone also, I learned later on. I let a few of my sheltered feelings out. Aaron and I both talked about what could happen.. and what I wanted to happen, and my past relationships. It turns out that I have never been in a real relationship like this before. The feelings and emotions are all so new to me. So.. hurtful and so blissful. A double-edged sword. Anthony later called me and told me that he was listening in. He was very hurt by the things I had said, he was on the brink of destruction, actually he was past that, he was on the brink of death. It really hurt me to see what one’s words could do to a person.. how hurtful they could become in the wrong hands. He told me how much I meant to him.. how much everything had affected him.. I for one.. felt and still feel horrible.. I’m such a monster. I hate it when I try to make sense of the smallest things. I hate it when I have to open my fucking mouth and say that something was wrong... I really love(d) him.. I just.. I just thought everything was an act. I’ve always thought that way, because in the past.. it was been.. I though everything was a game, and that I was just a pawn, a pawn that could be toyed with, then broken into pieces. Then I learned it was for real. The emotions I saw in his eyes were real love. The tears over the phone were real gestures of a true love. Of someone that truly.. care(s/d).. I feel like my emotions are getting stronger.. yet weaker to the sense of irony. In all my life I’ve learned to trust no one, that everyone could jeopardize my life, that I would just end up in a gutter if I trusted people. I shut everyone out of my emotions, I have put on a fake mask of security to shelter myself from the harmful truth... But by doing so.. I just ended up hurting myself and others once again. But anyway, to continue about my dreadful past.. So.. I trusted no one, I rarely let people in, and those I let in only knew lies. No one knows the real me, what goes on behind the curtains... No one knows the pain I’ve faced. No one knows the agony I’ve felt.. the tears I shed. Anthony told me that I should talk more.. that “communication is key for a successful relationship.” I know that it is key, we’ve always been too preoccupied about something else to talk about other things.. And I always felt it being polite to not interrupt the things that were occurring and to address the other things on a later date. I just never meant the later date to happen this later on.. It would/will be so hard for me to let everything out. The feelings that I have been hiding forever.. The sheltered emotions lurking in the depths of my mind.. I would love to talk. But. It will be so hard. I may look very talkative on the outside, but remember you cannot always judge a book by it’s cover.. Anthony and I set up a time that we would work and talk things out for the best of it. No matter the outcome. It’s hard letting people in, and knowing the true you.. Stopping on habit and beginning another.. I think I do have some sort of problem.. this has been fucking with my life.. But if it will stop everything then fine... So be it.. I want everything to work out. I don’t want him to feel pain anymore. I hate dragging him by the chain so to speak, but.. I have gone with what my friends have said to me, I’ve known them all my life almost.. and I’m not really used to making my own decision. I like having other people’s opinions on things to help me by, go ahead, call me dependent.. I dislike it to the maximum... I want everything to change... God. What in the Lord’s blessed name is wrong with me. I hate it when shit like this happens. I guess it’s just something about growing up. The milestones that are along the way.. I thought that it would be easy.. 1 road or the other... but.. Which road to take, so many god damned outcomes. So many outcomes to those that can effect the future.
But I guess this is the price I pay for trying to help someone that is so dear to me. I mean. I fucking love her. Love her. I fucking love him. Love him. This is the price to pay for love. I love them to fucking death and back. I want to trust people so badly.. I just don’t know how to start. I want to begin everything all over again, even though “everyone makes mistakes” It feels like mine are so often. I’ve lost the trust with my mom that is barely building up.. I don’t care what my grandfather thinks.. all my family hates me because I’m different that everyone else's little thoughts of the “perfect (insert family name here)” I think I’ve even lost trust within me.
So Aaron, if you are reading.. read this to Anthony tomorrow before he calls me.. Erin, if you are reading.. now you know how I really feel about you.. Anthony, you know why I hate talking about things verbally.. I’ll talk with you later..
Everyone else, this is the beginning of the end.
Why can things just work out for once, why can’t I just hide from the fucking truth.. why must I feel pain. I hate having a life, I sometimes wish I was just a loner, I wish sometimes I could just get my ass of the computer and go hide everything within a video game or a book, maybe if I didn’t have a life I could be playing a bass guitar right now, thinking about starting a band.. I could HAVE a band right now.. I could be very talented with all the free time.. I could be passing all my classes.. I could be happy..
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hoooolllyyy fuck. It's been screwed up since yesterday. BLAHHHH!!!!!! -falls down- I'm starting not to fucking care anymore. Fine. Anthony you make the shot, what do you wanna do? I don't care. Really I don't. You can go and dump me, I won't mind, or we can stay together and keep being fucked up. Your call. I don't care.. Really. I probablly won't hang out that much in HS with anyone so why not sever all ties! [-kidding around if you can't tell,you know you gotta have this thing called humor to understand ;)-], I'll be busy chilling around doing HW, downloading my anime and what not like I used to do when I was very content. You know.. I prefer being single cause i can really be myself. I wanna share the things I adore to death with someone who feels the same way, cause i mean I love Techno, and Anime so much, but Anthony loathes it to death and back. o_x; So. Go ahead. Make your shot. I say follow your mind and not your heart, cause your mind is much wiser whilst your heart falls for things that are sometimes false.
Well.. My day was wonderful up till I came back home and got online. See. I woke up and did my hair.. my mom was gonna leave to get her car inspected and her licence renewed and pay a ticket. :/ So. We get to the place and wait like an hour.. her ticket was paid off by insurence.. o_o; and she just had to get her new pic for her licence. :) it'll come in like 3 more weeks. WEE! We went to momokos after that, I got a t-shirt it's cute. It's a robot runnin away from a Plant and it says in captions "the toxic-desaster unit responding to a situation" :) XD I got some bubble tea, Yumi Pop XD Sooo good. =] Wednesdays they have anime nite at 6!! i'm going next week!!!! XD XD We went to a bakery, and got some kolaches. XD They were soooo good. I got like 2 and ate them the way to Toy Joy where I got this spiffy bacelet. ( look at the spiffiness ) Went home.. Got online. Aaron wouldn't stop IMing me, actually it was Anthony on his account. Ugh. I thought he was going outta town today and I wouldn't have to think about anything! BLAH! gfdhgjhdfjk!!! I couldn't take it.. they wanted me to go over so that we could "talk it out". We were gonna talk it the fuck out when Anthony comes back from wherever the fuck he was going. I had to get outta the house. I asked Erin if she wanted to talk. So we chilled outside and yea. Talked. Her brother was amazed of my pink hair. So was her grandfather when he saw me outside, he was all "damn. Christine I gotta get new stronger liquor, your hair is pink!" he's such a card. XD I came back inside, and online.. THEY WERE STILL ON! AHH! I put my away on and did some decent writing. Lol. :D And herre I am.
yan timster: did i ever tell u ur sexy
XD rpg gurl XD: Lol. Thanks.
yan timster: ur pretty cool
yan timster: my freind thinks ur pretty hot too
XD rpg gurl XD: Which friend?
yan timster: the one that says i should go out with u
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Lol. I feel so much better. You know.. who cares about Anthony now. I feel better. Aaron. Tell him it's over, and that it's going to be over. No turning back. I prefer to be single for a while now. I am considering myself single at this time. And I am hoping not to get anymore calls concerning all of this shit. This goes for you too Aaron, I'm kinda disapointed you let him listen in on the conversation. I thought we had that little secret between us. I thought we had that kinda bond you know? But whatever. Past is past. I'm just so happy - dances around -
My one night. The nights of greif are comming.. my grandmother died 6/7 in 99. its the 4.. 3 days of rain.. very hard. We have these carvings of religious figures in my house, one of the crucifix with Jesus on it is behind me, his arms are bleeding. and feet nailed bleeding.. the virgin mary is crying.. its odd.. I love it..
It's going to rain. June is a good month.
I gotta go. Rain. Watching. My mom is telling me that shes talked about me with the high school guys and that many of them want to meet me.. lol. score
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It's over. Thank God. It's finally over. - runs around screaming - IT'S OVER!!
Wow. There was a beautiful storm last nite. It was huge. Too bad it didn't last as long as we all had hoped.. only like 3 hours or so. Mom dragged me off the computer and outside. We walked around talking in the front yard. Watching the storm clouds gather, the lightening lighting up the sky.. hearing the deep rowrs of thunder clash.. So beautiful. It began to rain, we walked back to the porch. We sat and talked about Weta.. (my grandmother).. We're planing on going to the grave on Saterday or Sunday.. mainly Saterday cause that was her birthday. It will be nice to go there. I haven't been to the grave in so long. Like.. 4 years seems about right.. =[ Mom said that the rain was a gift to us, for us to know that she's watching over us.. It got silent after she said that.. We both broke down and cried. We miss her so much. It's sometimes unbearable. We talked about old times.. And the house in Houston + Steiner. We might go down to the old houses in July if we can get the money together. I'm glad that we might. It would be nice. Maybe if Stefan already moved, we might be able to visit him! YAY! He really wants me to :D It would be fun. Mom and me came back inside, the lights almost went off. I went to sleep in my room.. Actually I was awake for most of the storm. Sitting around watching the storm come in more and more.. I passed out.. I woke up around 1.. Mom took me to the HEB, we shoped and got hamburgers. Wee.. Mailed somethings off.. Acted silly like usual. Lol. Came by the house and droped everything off.. She took me to the dollar store and we got some notepads, batteries and the such. I found a cute little white tank top. I love it!!! XD Came back. Chilled. I got a big ass thing of coke. XD I'm all happy :D Been a while huh?
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So yea. You guys are caught up. I'm gonna clean out my friends list..
-izzy
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