I am 48 years old and for the past 5 plus years i have been involved with a wonderful man. I call this man Master. I am submissive to Him, i am His slave, His bitch, slut , pet and His play thing. I think i knew He was special to me from just about the very beginning , when we met as friends online. He was there when i needed support, when i needed questions about what the bdsm lifestyle was all about. He was there when i realized and felt that something inside that had been missing in my life. He was there when other parts of my life fell apart, and He picked up the pieces. He accepted me first as His submissive and i called Him Sir. I needed more but was unaware that He already saw that in the e mails i sent Him several times a day, the conversations we had online, and the phone calls i made to Him weekly if not more often.
My first visit to Him was full of surprises. I knew i wanted to submit to Him. My heart and mind were there. I just didn't know how far i would go on that very first visit to Him. Before i left i did beg for His collar and He accepted me as His slave. Since that day there has been some ups and downs, there has been some bumps in the roadway, mountains to get over. But we have done it.
There are times i have been fully confused , hurt and baffled by things Master has done and they didn 't necessarily have anything to do with what He and i had. Still today He does things i wonder about. But i am learning that i have to keep my mind on the commitment i made to Him on that first visit, and the commitment we have together in this relationship. I can't keep worrying and wondering about any other relationship He chooses to get into. No matter what i think of them.
One such relationship is with sharon. A black sometimes AB sometimes slutty bitch. I have watched her bareface lie to Master, i have seen her all but steal from Him, i have seen her break her work over and over and over . Still now , here comes the third time she has come around. Last time because of what she said it almost cost me the relationship with Master. He almost allowed it to happen when He believed her over me. God how that hurt. It still does some. This time around she swore she only wanted friends. I heard that from Master and His wife. I was skeptical. I knew that it would not take her long to show why she was really around ....... again. But i can't attempt to run Masters life. He has control of that . If he chooses to bring her back again that is His choice. He is aware that i will never trust that woman again. I will not set myself up to be hurt by her and her words again. I won't lay my relationship with Master out in the open for her to try to fuck up again. But still... if she is what will make Him happy that is that. I can only hope that everything can be held together another time if she goes on the very same predictable path as she has the last two times she was involved with Master. She has already followed the same scenarios that she did the first two times she was around.
Now it sounds as if i am worried and i admit i am. I am not living with Master yet, i am in a different country. She lives in the same town and has the time and opportunity to shall i say work on Master. But there too is His choice to allow her to bring unrest , drama and hurt into His home again. I won't be the cause of it.
I am planning on going to see Master very soon during the Christmas holidays. I hope and pray this year we all ( Master, Maam and i ) have a good holiday together . A peaceful holiday, not like last year. One where i can serve Master, know that i am pleasing Him. and be able to be the slave i am for Him and for myself. It gets pretty lonely being away from Him , not being able to fully serve Him and not being able to be who i am. With Him i can be.
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