|Current mood:|| awake|
|Current music:||Ani Difranco- Grey|
I bought another pack of Lucky Strikes today. I don't know if life has gotten any better (in fact it's probably gotten worse) but a talk with Kim reminded me why I didn't do it that time: too many people would be hurt, scared, confused, or whatever if I did. As much as I try to hide it, I really do care about the people around me, and I never want to hurt them in any way.
Kim is a lesbian. She has a girlfriend. I'm not entirely sure how to feel about that. Part of me thinks "Well that explains the mystery, I guess I should be relieved." The other part of me thinks "I will never be able to get close to her, to kiss her, to make love to her." It kept me up all night and the next night thinking. People who see me think I'm tired because I'm working a lot and taking too many classes. I'm tired because my mind races until the early hours of the morning on the nights that I don't have work or class, so I never get much sleep. This probably isn't too healthy.
There's another girl; a relative of Jeff's. We talk on AIM, She seems nice enough, but again she doesn't want to tell me much because she thinks I'll tell him. I guess that's fair, but I also get the feeling that I'm coming on...strong? The whole thing just feels kinda odd to me.
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