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im a loner, im a loser, im a winner in my mind. (rock_a_bye) wrote,
@ 2004-10-17 18:57:00
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    Current mood: loved
    Current music:fuse (on tv) - rock countdowns

    ''im not okay im not okay im o fucking kay!!''
    *sigh* my eyes have just been tourchered by the inner feelings.... in which i feel. lol. sorry that probably sounded really dorky. i havent updated in a really long time.. hm. well.... uh. last night i went out with david erin and clint. it was great. clints really funny. he has a funny voice too... probably cuz he just periced his tounge. hehehehe. hm. i was the last to go home and my mommy wasnt too happy about that... oh well. my dads out of town... *cheers* kegan is doing goood. and my kitty has found him out and stuff... but she hasnt eatten him. yay. yesterday (also) i went to my aunts house and did some stuff while he and my mom and my aunts mother-in-law did some stuff in the rooms that the ceilings fell in on after the hurricanes.... i made potatoe salad... and some other stuff...... cleaned.... got attacked by dogs..... died.... lol. friday i had a test in history and a report and my notebook was due too... i was going to skip but ashley didnt.... erg.... so i went and cheated on my test... hm. whatelse. i went to davids house and we watched the old texas chainsaw massacre.... and it was pretty bad... but you know me... i got scared even at the parts where i knew he was going to be. erg. then i fell asleep. i dont even remember doing so. he said that i slept with my face in the pillow at a point... and he was wondering how i did it... i have no clue! i guess i cant sufficate while im sleeping huh? lol. my mark on his neck went away so i put it back last night... wooh... hehe. and i was tragifided when erin told me kim broke up with jason... thats so mean.... first she gives him mono.... then leaves him. HMHP!!!.... lol. my aunt gave me a sorta cool skirt... except the part that is all velvety and stuff... erg its annoying. hmm... oh well. ::bored:: i miss daivd... *sad face* when ever we talk on the phone.. or when were in his car and i make a mean statement i feel like he thinks that im going to break up with him or something... and it makes me sad and paranoid that hes going to start getting sad and stuff... or like last night when we were downtown... i wasnt like i normaly am (probably becasue i was tired and such) and i wasnt really talking to him... well i was... but i dont know how to explain it. i just get paranoid that hes paranoid or something... thats just how i am. i just dont want him to be paranoid!! .... he doesnt think that i feel as strongly about him as he does me... but i think i dont show it as much i guess... i keep all my feelings inside... until times like these where i just spill my heart out and then someone realizes that they dont like me the same way or something..... for example ROSS... stupid fucker.. he kept saying he loves me and stuff.. but then out of nowhere he says that he doesnt feel like i feel. oh bull shit.. you just found another girl cuz i was a fucking temp. you just wanted to fuck me and leave me... but im glad i held back you stupid fuck... *ahem* anyways. i think ive had enough of my heart... ill close it and start filling up again. but dont worry david.... i wont kill myself.... unless... *silence* lol. no... like i said last night about me killing myself... unless it was something like that... or unless you or someone that i cared about as much as you took up my offer... then i would.. okay.. well nite yall.... i love you more david!!! lol



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