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the loudest beating heart (roaring_rory) wrote,
@ 2011-08-31 20:42:00
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    #1358: Fifty/fifty
    I saw someone do this on facebook and I wanted to do the same. Fifty things I hate and fifty things I love. I hope hate will be difficult and love will be easy. I guess we'll see.

    1. Waiting
    2. People not doing things they say they will do. Okay, so I do it too. It still stinks.
    3. Parents talking about people/things from the past that really weren't that interesting.
    4. Getting up in the morning when mum's home.
    5. People who say 'I'm not going to bother you' and then proceed to do just that.
    6. People harassing me about when I'm going to get married.
    7. Parents boasting about my achievements as if they knew anything about what I'm doing with my life.
    8. Parents boasting about my achievements as if it has anything to do with them.
    9. Parents boasting about my achievements as if they hadn't tried to stop me from doing what I'm doing.
    10. Being bossed around.
    11. Racism.
    12. Similar: people treating 'Australian' as if it denotes some sort of ethnicity and playing stupid games like 'spot the Aussie' or whatever. I'm case in point. Most of these bogans would consider me Aussie simply because I'm white. And they would still consider a fifth-gen Australian Muslim woman as quintessentially not Aussie because of her religion. Replace that with any religion or ethnicity. And then consider: I am first-gen. And they consider me Aussie simply because I am white.
    13. These same 'Aussie' people trying to enforce that if you don't speak English you should gtfo of our country. Way to, you know, ignore the wonderful indigenous languages we have. And never mind that Australia doesn't have an official language. But really, good on you.
    14. Maybe I should have just said 'general idiocy'.
    15. People who call themselves 'Christian' when all they mean is 'not Muslim'. Not helping anyone, guys.
    16. Cultural relativism.
    17. Atheists (admittedly this could go for anyone, but I have only really experienced it from atheists) who complain about how they hate Christians being preachy or shoving beliefs onto other people, but will still go to great extents to try and convert Christians to atheism. Either deal with other people being preachy or never do it again. Seriously.
    18. So I guess in a wider scope, hypocrisy. I don't know how to spell that.
    19. And to some extent, Christians bagging out other religions winds me up the wrong way. I have nothing wrong with questioning things but you can expect to be bagged out in return if you act like that. If faith is a serious matter to you, don't treat it (and other people's faith, at that) like a joke.
    20. People who just want sermons that make them laugh.
    21. People who just want sermons that remind them that God loves them and salvation is by faith, not works.
    22. People who aren't willing to receive correction.
    23. People who hate on sermons that convict them of guilt.
    24. Licorice.
    25. Ginger.
    26. Mint flavouring.
    27. Turkish delight.
    28. Period pain.
    29. People saying horrible things to Harlequin.
    30. People not appreciating all the things Harlequin does for them.
    31. People ostracising Harlequin simply because he is different.
    32. People who don't even notice that Harlequin is missing.
    33. People assuming that because they are having issues with Harlequin, I must be too.
    34. People actively trying to corrupt me.
    35. People lying to children.
    36. People dumbing things down to children.
    37. People palming off their children (it happened to me, so yeah, it peeves me).
    38. People smoking around their children (spent my whole childhood ill because of it, so yeah, it peeves me).
    39. Non-Christians getting their children baptised. Seriously, why? It's like Pascal's wager. Yuck.
    40. Lack of commitment.
    41. The word 'wranger'.
    42. Ginger jokes. You're just jealous cause they're sexier than you.
    43. People who say they don't read like it's something to be proud of.
    44. People who, when you get involved in a story, say things like 'it's just a book'. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, HARLEQUIN. It is a shallow view.
    45. People thinking that all feminism is 'slut-walk' kinda feminism.
    46. People thinking that all feminists hate men.
    47. Dog smell.
    48. People asking me 'why is xxxxx in Japanese?' Seriously?
    49. Online gaming communities. You lose, they call you a noob. You win, they call you a noob. You lose, they teabag you. You lose, they say they raped (ghh, hate that word) you. You win, they go off their nut at you. Basically, they suck. How old are you guys? Twelve?
    50. People assuming I'm male.

    I could have probably gone on for a while longer, but no.

    1. People. Oh, people. I love you. I could list individuals but I suspect this list would get very large very quick.
    2. The youth of this town. Once again, I could list individuals, but there's too many. Just know that they are amazing.
    3. UOW.
    4. Bed.
    5. Reading. Reading!!!
    6. Watching J-dramas.
    7. Baking.
    8. Writing.
    9. Being better than everyone else. Ha!
    10. Being multilingual.
    11. Stalking.
    12. Obsessing.
    13. James McAvoy ;)
    14. The internet. Wow. The internet.
    15. Males. More than I can comfortably express.
    16. Females are pretty banging too.
    17. Regularly meeting with people.
    18. Having big fights with Harlequin where we say horrible things to each other but then we're BFF again in 10 minutes so whatever.
    19. Getting away.
    20. Playing games like TF2 or Pirates & Vikings & Knights with a huge groups of friends.
    21. Buying people things.
    22. Having people appreciate the things I buy them.
    23. Getting up early.
    24. Going to bed late.
    25. Peter's sermons.
    26. The hoodie I'm currently wearing. Thanks to Peter. It's the warmest thing in the world, and when we received them Peter was all "we wanted to remind you girls that you are beautiful" and I think it will take me a long time to forget.
    27. (Sincere) touchy-feely things. From people who are touchy-feely all the time, with everyone, I'd prefer not to receive it, but for example... oh, I don't think I can detail it here. But sometimes it means a lot to know that I am loved.
    28. Peter maybe saved my life. He was the only person who was there for me when I was young. He supported me through all the things that no-one else knew how to deal with or just wanted to ignore; he totally had my back. He didn't just do this for a couple of weeks, he did this for years. He followed me up, would take time out to support me, and was the only person who ever spoke to me as if I had potential, as if I had a future. He saw promise in me when no-one else did. Peter has meant so much to me. I am so truly grateful for him.
    29. When I read Neil Gaiman's stuff, I am glad I am a writer.
    30. When I read Murakami Haruki's stuff, I am glad I am a writer.
    31. And I totally dig C.S. Lewis's lit. Fiction and non.
    32. Rusty. Cuddling Rusty when she has been in the sun. Playing with Rusty. Rusty.
    33. Haylee.
    34. Brendan. He is getting really good at talking, for the record. He has gone from saying things like 'Amy, play guitar!' to stringing together quite complex sentences like 'Amy, please move your bag, I put blanket on lounge'. The leaps kids have in learning stuff amazes me.
    35. Love. Romance. Oh, love and romance.
    36. For example, I saw Jane Eyre on Monday (I may be willing to call it my favourite book, though that's hard) and... oh, love and romance.
    37. So I guess sexual tension goes here too. Though I am tame with what hooks me. Stuff that gets porny just makes me feel ill (call me a puritan, whatever). I'm thinking, right now, about when Jane saves Rochester from the fire and they nearly kiss but neither wants to make the first move and nothing happens. That sorta sexual tension. I find it a lot more interesting than actual kissing.
    38. Daydreaming.
    39. Glados. GLaDoS? I don't know how capitalisation works. But damn, she is amazing. Everything she says, ever, is hilarious.
    40. Fiyero in the Wicked stage show. Not so much the book.
    41. The Wicked stage show.
    42. Bioshock.
    43. Fallout.
    44. Vulpes in Fallout New Vegas.
    45. Alistair in Dragon Age: Origins.
    46. Anders in Awakening. (Haven't played 2, can't say).
    47. Ron and Hermione coupling.
    48. And whilst I'm listing all this stuff, writing fanfiction. Not so much reading; there's too much rubbish. But if I love a world, I want to spend more time in it. If I love a character, I want to spend more time with them. And I obsess. I think that was one of my first loves, wasn't it? I obssess over people in my life as well, but that feels a bit more awkward and weird to talk about (and does it make you vulnerable or what. And, I can imagine, gives people big heads... and I don't want to do that). So that's why you're getting a bunch of characters and stuff, blurty. If you were private you'd look a lot different, list. But fanfiction. I turn people I know into characters and write fanfiction about them, too. Haha.
    49. Dreams.
    50. Warning: religious spiel following. If you continue reading, you have no right to go 'bleh, religion.' You were warned!
    I debated over whether to list Jesus, for it seems somewhat inappropriate to list his name in such a trivial list. I feel like these lists, though they do contain truth, are just me being silly. Having a joke. And Jesus is not a joke to me. I suspect that there are things on these lists that show up my flaws, obvious or no. And I've considered just scrapping these lists because I don't want them to reveal anything about me that looks bad. But I guess something about having a relationship with Jesus is laying everything out bare. I am a sinner. I fail. I am not sexually pure, I am spiteful, I have lied. I sleep in a house with a man I am not married to every weekend (people assume cohabitation=sex, but I assure you this has never happened) who I have broken boundaries with (funnily enough, mostly before we started staying in the same house). I fall short, oh, I fall short. And I try and hide it, and pretend that everything's okay when nothing is.
    But Jesus, he loves me. And when I was still under God's judgement he died for me. And he gave me his Spirit, and I was forgiven of all I had done and would do. And he wants to help me change.
    And it is hard. Oh, it is hard. But I don't have to do it by myself. I have he who took the world on his shoulders to help me.

    The last point was Jesus. And I feel shallow when I say Jesus, cause I know how much I suck at following him. I know I am not worthy, I know I forget him and ignore him, and I scorn myself for giving 'lip-service'; God does not want any of that. But I want to love Jesus. I want my whole life to be about serving him. And I need to do better. I need God's redeeming power. I need to lose myself to do this, I need to change, I need God's help.
    I love Jesus. It pains me to do so, because I know I do not deserve to say I love Jesus. I need to pray for myself more than I need to pray for others.
    I know this now.

    This is not something I expected to get out of these lists.

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