| Current mood: |  contemplative |
just got a mass email from Randy that the budget cuts to English at Southwestern are going to be even worse then anticipated: something like 50 courses are being cut entirely. This will likely mean that I'm completely out of a job in January.
On one hand, fuck! I really love teaching, and it sucks so much ass that this is going away, that California's budget and priorities are so fucked right now, and that I'm going to have to leave it for economic reasons.
On the other hand, if I can't find full-time employment teaching, it may be easier to find a single full-time job if I don't have partial employment. It likely means leaving the public sector all together, but I don't know. Habitat for Humanity was hiring an executive assistant recently. There's weird stuff out there. Maybe there's a job that's right for me, and that I'd feel good about.
I've never really had to do the job search, because I've always just found work, not looked for a career opportunity. So, that scares me. And my confidence has been distinctly negatively affected by the MCWP situation, and Carrie's b.s. way of doing things.
And money? That's just weird. I mean, we're fine. But, should we buy a home right now? I've never been without a job for more than a few weeks. I'm going to have a hard enough time not completely freaking out and taking whatever McJob I can start tomorrow, should I really add the pressure of a mortgage to what will already be a very anxiety-ridden time? And what about David? He's in a transitional place right now, and torn on the subjects of grad school and the future. This is going to manifest in a lot of money anxiety; I know it will.
And if we don't buy a place right now, then what? How do we manage this money to make it last, and so it will recover as quickly as David and I (and, fuck, California) get back on our feet?
Have to get the trip situation figured out with Mel. It's seeming like a hassle, and it shouldn't. This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance to go on a trip together, and it should be a joy. We just need to get together about it, and figure out what matters to us. The rest won't be that hard. Of course, this means I have to get her on the phone.
All this being a grown-up stuff is a pain in the ass.
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 masterme
2009-09-26 01:01
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Being a grown-up is easy, it's just not our thing.
I love you I love you I love you.
Let's be married.
David
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