RiOTCHiLD (riotchild) wrote, @ 2003-10-03 22:21:00

Current mood:	lonely
Current music:	"Late Night Maudlin Street"-Morrisey

"They Take In Turn And They Give You Nothing Real"-Morrisey
My life has been ruined in 48 hours. Everything has changed. I have realized that I have seen the world for what it really is at a very young age.

Alex came home last night…Very messed up, I don’t want to talk about what all was said…But, I was scared shitless…for once I was speechless, powerless, and helpless. I couldn’t be the tough-girl anymore. It was awful. I had been holding everything inside of me for so long, and I let just a tiny piece out that night….Just a tiny piece, and it caused me to fall apart.

Tonight, I was STILL shaken up about Alex and I get a call from Katie telling me that I have to come down to the football game because my half-brother that I have never met and that I was lied to about for 8 years is there. So I decide to go…I am freaking out and stressed because of Alex AND meeting my half-brother matt, but I go.

We stop at convient to buy mountain dew and I see, who I later find out is, my brother.

I go to the game…and who is waiting for me RIGHT inside the gate? Maria and Aly! I think ‘thank god, I can tell someone how shitty I am feeling, they will understand, they will make me feel better, they will be there for me’…nope!

I get inside and Maria asks me ‘are you still going out with eric?’…Eric is the LEAST of my problems and they are worried about THAT? So I say ‘I guess…I have bigger things to think about.’ so they say ‘oh don’t start bitching at us –blah blah blah *insert insensitve bitchy-ness here*-‘ So I tell them why I am there and tell them that they don’t understand and to fuck off.

Aly acts all upset to get pity, and I go and talk to Nikki because I am shaking because I am about to punch the two of them (I have anger-management issues, so I was trying my hardest not to hit either of them, because I wouldn’t be able to stop).

SO ALY COMES UP PUSHING ME! Saying ‘fuck off bitch’ so I start pushing back and she tells me to ‘not fucking touch’ her. I punch her in the arm and tell her to ‘shut the fuck up you stupid ugly bitch don’t you EVER fucking talk to me AGAIN!’ and walk off. So she goes and cries and everyone is like ‘Aly is crying’ HA! like I give a FLYING FUCK!

Maria comes up and tries to talk to me, I tell her she doesn’t know what the fuck she is talking about and she needs to shut the fuck up and I walk away. So then Nikki walks me back up to convient to see if we can find Max. She listens to me talk and calms me down and we go and buy junk food and eat it. Nikki saved my life, because if she didn’t calm me down, I probably would have endangered myself or others.

So that is my night, the people that were supposed to be there for me weren’t. They went off on me about some middle school shit. It just shows how shallow they are, the ONE time I need them, they flake. I guess I should have known all along.

They mean nothing to me now. They aren’t deserving of my time or energy. I should not waste my time and give a shit about people who don’t give a shti about me. So thank you Aly and Maria, for showing me exactly NOT how to treat a friend in need :).

Everything thing has come crashing down and I can’t take it. I thought I was doing better and everything has gotten ripped apart. Watch closely kids…This is what falling apart looks like.

That’s it…I’m going to get drunk.


Angel, angel
Don’t take your life tonight
I know they take
And that they take in turn
And they give you nothing real
For yourself in return

But when they’ve used you
And they’ve broken you
And they’ve wasted all your money
And cast your shell aside


And when they’ve bought you
And they’ve sold you
And they’ve billed you for the pleasure
And they’ve made your parents cry
I will be here
Oh, believe me
I will be here
...believe me


Angel, don’t take your life
Some people have got no pride
They do not understand
The urgency of life
But I love you more than life
I love you more than life
I love you more than life
I love you more than life


*^RiOTS 'N FURY^*
~*T*~

fabricoflife 2003-10-04 11:22 (link)

hey taylor. remember when you told me i was brave? well, same thing with you. if i were you, i'd be sitting in a corner right now, crying my brains out and probably doing something hurtful toward myself. atleast you're dealing (sorta). i call that bravery. truely, you are one of the bravest people i've ever met. you've delt with so much shit, and you're still here. you're still going. and i envy that. i love you doll. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	riotchild 2003-10-04 14:24 (link)
	thank you so much...i dont know what i would do without you :) (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

(Reply from suspended user)

	Update (Anonymous) 2003-10-08 07:27 (link)
	You should update more! (Reply to this) (Thread)