|Current mood:|| blah|
|Current music:||Coldplay "Warning Sign"|
Hm. How to describe college weekends--for me anyway.
Weird. They can be so full of life and energy and people pulling you in all different directions or they can be bland, empty, cold. They can be full of distorted drunken images or banal sheets of notebook paper. I can feel so crowded one moment and so alone in another. I can be everything and I can be nothing.
I'm not sure if I'm making sense. I don't even know if this is weekends or just life.
I just want to write. I want to live in these worlds of mine. Don't get me wrong, I like my life, but sometimes I don't know what to do with it. I try to do things with it I know I want to, but sometimes there's not time or room for substance, but only enough space to survive.
I got drunk last night. I didn't plan on it, it just kinda happened. When I am drunk I don't think about these things. I think about the simple things. What is simple is true. That's what Jewel says anyways. What is true is the space around me, the chair I sit in, the ground below me. But if I am sitting in a dream than that is what is true at the moment. Or...I think I just got myself confused. Well I guess what I am trying to say is, should I look deeper? Or should I view things simplified like my drunk mind does, getting amusement from the fact that I can't speak right, or that there is a bar in front of me and I almost ran into it. Sometimes I wish I could just slip into this unconscious state. I think that's why sometimes it is physicaly painful for me to get out of bed in the morning. It rings at my head, I just want to sleep more I will think.
I want to escape.
I do escape through things like art, or writing.
But I want it to feel more real sometimes.
Or maybe it's just my mood.
I like oatmeal. I like chocolate. I like banana and vanilla ice cream and whipped cream and chocolate sause and peanut butter sauce and jimmies and...
like sleep. like hugs. like music. like the feel of a fleece blanket against my skin, or picking up my cat after I have gotten out of the shower and feeling her fur on my skin. Or paul's hand and mine, together. or snow on my toungue. or the sound of the ocean while I fall asleep on the beach. or swimming for long distance, with the waves in front of me like mountains. TV, internet, books, radio. media. jokes. food. friends. sleep.
on that note,
sorry if I sounds a little crazy tonight.
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