Ramblings
It's 4.40am in the morning. I have to leave for school at 7.30am and I am still up doing work. I've been feeling rather depressed of late.
The quality of my life is pretty low now... Yes, it is rewarding when I finish editing Pleasure Factory and see it come to life, or doing projects that let me travel to New York. But so what?
I miss my friends who've I've neglected for the pursuit of fame and fortune. I question my desires... Just last week I was having lunch with Eric Khoo, Royston Tan, the head of MDA, Raintree, Frameworks and so on at Goodwood , and I was thinking I made it! I'm finally getting to where I want to be! But somehow, I also felt like I was lying to myself. I wanted it so badly and I got it...so what's next? More desires, more illusions to reassure myself that I mean something, more sufferings, more pain.
Many choices and many mistakes. I've been talking a lot with Mark Chan and Ekachai, both successful people in their own fields, and both quite different from each other. I'm learning so much.
Hope and abandonment...
I'm glad I have Joe and Miaovin and David and Alf and my family to keep me rooted to reality...if not, I would have blown my brains off by now.
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 aileron23
2007-03-09 19:33
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As I just saw from an episode of Heroes (hahah, yes I know), "some men want a life of meaning, others want happiness. You can't have them both". It's a bit unfortunate that you have to go through all of this to come to your current conclusion, but I suppose that's the only way you gain a little bit of wisdom in life.
Who is making you suffer Brian? Eric Khoo, Royston Tan, the head of MDA, Raintree, Frameworks, Mark Chan, Ekachai, Joe, Miaovin, David, Alf or your family?
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aileron23
2007-03-09 21:52
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Yes, it's all fine. Doing my teaching and and choir, and planning the occasional recital. I cannot ask for more. Haha, don't have to meditate just because I do, ok. But yeah, it's really good training for everything in life. To finally see the nature of your mind is quite liberating. Moderation la dear Brian.
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warg
2007-03-10 12:55
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gorgor hamster, you've seen so much more in life than i have, and i think i've also seen enough to realise that illusions and desires are really unfortunate side effects of achievement. and sometimes i think that yardsticks are good for long term planning, but that they easily misconstrue a person's own reflection of himself when work gets in the way of life. don't put your career down as the result of ambition, i believe that you've come this far because this is your calling. when work runs through the night and people piss me off (and i piss people off), i admit that i genuinely love what i'm doing and i forgive myself for deciding to chase dreams other people can't.
brianbaby you are still going to go for that oscar, stop looking back because even maggie cheung will age. ok lah but can pause for hug. *SMOOCH*(Reply to this) (Thread) |
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lankylee
2007-03-11 18:10
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Dun be depressed la Brian! Big hugs!
To be honest, I have also neglected u and mel for the longest time. It's just difficult la, time difference, work, etc. Ok, these are all excuses, I know. Cheer up! At least u are dining with Eric Khoo and big shots... I am still some lousy designer... oh well.
Miss u loads. Went to see yr short film again last sun, and all my friends loved it! (I asked for their feedback, and they loved 'the maid one, the eric khoo one, embryo, and the barbie doll one, by tan pin pin') and that was really their honest opinion coz I didn't tell them i noe u :)
so yah! dun give up! not until u shot the next mtv for madonna! Have u seen her latest ad for H&M? Check it out pls. http://youtube.com/watch?v=vGZ76iJdToU she looked kinda scary though, but still nice la. i like. so do the next one hor. i can still be yr coffee boy if you need me!
hugs hugs!(Reply to this) (Thread) |
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(Anonymous)
2007-03-17 07:32
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Hi hi, pop by mr_lok.livejournal.com. I put up some stuff there. Continue to pursue your dreams, but yah, remember to find time for tea with old friends. (Reply to this) (Thread) |
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