| Current mood: | heartbroken |
| Current music: | Dont Let The Sun Go Down On Me: Clay Aiken |
~*~ I See It In Your Eyes, That No Matter How I Try, I Just Cant Fix It This Time~*~
:sighs deeply, a frown spread across her face, eyebrows furrowed, eyes brimming with tears: I don't even know how to find the words to say. I can't even begin to explain to you how my heart's broken all over again,or how bad it aches to know that it was out of my hands. I wanted this for him sooo badly. So, so badly. I know, I know. " You don't know him." or " He's still going to be rich and famous, Tonia." That's not what it's about. It's about the fact that he was MY CLAY. Someone I saw so much of myself. Someone who to others at first seemed like 'a dork' or 'not the next big thing.' Because that is me. I am those things, but I feel like somewhere inside of me, I have something to offer even if I don't know what it is. And I do know him...I know his heart and his soul. I DO. I've spent the past however many months watching him, taking him, getting to see him..his aura..the deepest darkest part of him. And besides, it's not about being rich and famous. It's about being rewarded, getting what you worked so hard and deserved. I love Ruben, don't get me wrong, but I feel like Clay was jibbed. Robbed. He's been my Clay since the very beginning. Even when other people thought he wasn't as good, or that he sounded bad. He was still my clay. I have so much faith in him. I believe in him. Why wasn't my faith...proven strong...My mom used to say believe and you shall recieve. I believed. I didn't recieve. :sobs, letting the tears pour down her cheeks, blinks to be able to see the screen: How can I keep believing, you know? How am I supposed to believe? I can't. Anyway, Clay I'm taking away the pain. I'm fixing it. I don't know how many will be there when I get done..but..I promise..I'm going to make it all..go away...as best as possible. :runs her fingers over her wrist, trying to get the tears to stop:
MY CLAY
I can't believe the words he said,
They came out oh so wrong,
Could he possibly have just said,
Ruben wins and you are gone?
How and why,
The questions echoed through my head,
Sure, Ruben has a great voice,
But it should of been you instead.
See, I fell in love with you,
Somewhere between the start and now,
And hearing you sing spoke to me,
And made my life better somehow.
You touched me with your innocence,
Your big heart and big old dreams,
Your way of proving easily,
Nothing's ever what it seems.
You struck a cord,
Pulled apart my fears,
Sang straight to my heart,
Made me face my tears.
Made it okay to cry,
Tried to help me heal,
Wanted me to know,
I shouldn't hide how I feel.
You twisted words in my favor,
Somehow made my situation all okay,
Showed me that all though I'm hurting badly,
The pain will go away.
Clay, my dear sweet Clay,
My heart is breaking now for you,
And I don't know the words to say,
Or the right thing to do.
I want to find someway to fix it,
Make it end the way it should,
And baby you know I'd do it,
I only wish I could.
How is it that your dreams,
Became my dreams too,
I wanted to be your wings
Show you I love you.
I know that it feels over now,
Like your dream has come to an end,
And though your hearts in pain,
It will soon mend.
Because though things ended sadly,
Clay, you've come so far,
And will keep on pushing forward,
Because you are our American star.
The love felt for you is so deep,
Though you might not be the American Idol,
It doesn't change the way we feel,
And those words are just a title.
So please believe me,
Because I mean just what I say
I truly honestly love you,
And you'll always be my Clay.
:starts to cry harder: Why does this hurt so bad? Why?
EDIT: 150....150...hopefully..that..helps Clay my Clay? I unno?
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