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Brian (ragingmessiah) wrote,
@ 2004-07-14 16:34:00
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    Current mood: sore
    Current music:"Lovefurypassionenergy" - Boy Hits Car

    The Beginning is the End is the Beginning
    So I'm sitting here with an injured knee, and what do I do? Start a blurty. I'm going off of amanda's word that this is a good stress relief, and it gives me something to do.... at least until King of the Hill is on. Until then, the Noggin channel will play, even though Michael is not here.

    I've been getting alot of reminders about my father recently, and I don't know how to deal with the emotions. I have dreams. Sometimes, it's ones where he comes into the door like nothing had happened, and I feel very angry at him for putting me through hell. Sometimes, he comes through the door and I just feel an overwhelming sensation of relief and love. It's almost been four years. Why can't this stuff just leave me alone? I thought I had all of my feelings and emotions taken care of, but I guess I need more time. It's hard for me to talk about, because his death was just so sudden and abrupt. It's something I only mention in writing, because I know that if I say what I have typed out loud, I'll cry a river. Damn, I can still remember every little thing that happened that day.

    Thank God for Amanda. You are the most wonderful thing to happen to me. Before I met you, I was depressed as hell, and felt like hell. But in the past year and a half, I feel like I was given a new life. I stopped needing to see my psychologist, and I don't feel like I need anti-depressants any longer.

    In happier news, Michael is so funny with his drunken sailor walk! I love how he starts walking, gets so excited that he's doing it, and just falls down. I'm telling you, the minute that boy knows how to run and keep his balance, I'm going to invest in some horse tranquilizers, just so his mom and dad can get a break from him.

    But, here is the end of my first journal. Brand new shiny quarter to anyone who knows who did the song "The Beginning is the End is the Beginning" without looking it up. Later, peeps.

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2004-07-14 18:15 (link)
Hey hon! I'm so glad you've started one too!

When did all of these reminders start coming about? I don't want to force you to talk about it if you don't want. But if it's bothering you, you're gonna have to deal with it somehow. You yourself told me very recently that I can't keep my emotions bottled up inside. If you need to cry, than cry. You'll still be a man's man what with your gigantic penis and all.

I wish I had known him. I love it when every once and a while, you'll talk about him just for a little bit. It makes me feel that I know him vicariously.

I love you too, sweetie, but you still need to take your medicine. What's gonna happen when I piss you off one of these days? As far as the shrink goes, from what you've described of him, I don't think I like him all that well. If you decide to start seing one again, maybe not him?

And as far as the get to keep it.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

2004-07-15 15:34 (link)
Some disjoined thoughts because I haven't slept in a day and a half:
Smashing pumpkins?
Hope your knee feels better. Next time wear knee pads.
The walking is cute, but wait until the speech impediment talking begins. Then you get to hear "fuck" instead of fork and truck.
Glad you started a journal. Resistance is futile.
It's ok to be sad.
nighty night

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2004-07-16 13:07 (link)

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