| Current mood: |  depressed |
| Current music: | Brand New- 'Secondary' |
..hi
y hello! i had lots of fun with sarah. jessie and kelly came over 2day and we watched bruce almighty. we watched it twice last night. i watched it b4 we went to bed, which was around 6:00. then sarah's mom woke me up and was teasing me all afternoon. she woke me up at 10! i got NO sleep. so i come home 2day and i feel sick because i am deprived of sleep and i ate too much! like the silly goose i am! the birthday cake we all had b4 i left wasnt such a good idea, but it was sooooooo fatning and good so i couldnt resist :) but anyways, i come back to this hellhole, that actually wasnt destroyed by the party last night, then i wish i could have stayed longer at sarah's. i realized how fucking boring my house is. its so pathetic. my mom is sick. we dont kno with what, but i give her NO sympathy. she's been sick forever and 3 days ago, she just decides to go to the doctor and get medicine. so she takes it for a day and half, then stops (which u cant) because of new years so she could drink. so after new years..... she feels like shit now. well fuckin duh u retard. u dont do that. now she just feels worse. and she makes me b her servant making me feel sorry for her. then she complains about how she does stuff for me when im sick. when im sick, i dont want ppl bothering me. i tell them to go away. so now she is canceling plans she had with ppl 2morrow because she doesnt kno if she is contageous with whatever she has and she doesnt wanna make ppl sick. so now i dont think ill b seeing joey at all. then he'll just go back to florida and ::poof:: he is gone 4ever and im all alone again! which totally sucks. i really wanted to see him again cuz we swore we'd talk more and do more interesting stuff. plus i have this mad crush on him. :-/ we have stuff in common which is strange cuz its hard for me to find that these days. and he meets my "characteristics" in a guy. i really have no life and im tired of it. im really tired and right now im just blurting out whatever is in my head. my mom said he could still come over and see me, but she doesnt want him sick. so really, nobody is coming over at all. but i sure as hell wont b staying here then. im really sick and tired of being alone. no matter where i go or what i do, im always by myself. the guy i liked at work...... i dont work now, and he prolly doesnt either. plus i never talked to him and he never talked either. so either way, trying to get 2 really shy ppl together is hopeless. here i go again complaining about how i hate my life. and its stupid whenever i do this because i usually argue over my parents and guys. u dont know what i would give to just have sumone here that i can kiss right now. id love to say their name but it aint happenin. i dont mind being single, i really dont. but after a while i just get so alone and rejected. i dont think ill ever find sumone who shares the same intrests as me and has the same exact characteristics as i want in a guy. when im not being a sucker for mohawks and spiked hair, i just fall madly in love with with the long dark hair. i hate the really really white skin. i luv the tanness. but all in all i am such a sucker for dark eyes. they r truely the best and i could stare into them for eternity. god, if only i could find the right person to make me happy and not cry. that would b the best. im tired of working my ass off to get ppl, and in the end it never works. so i'll sit here and wait for it to come to me. but every time i try, my open opportunity turns and runs the other way as fast as it can. and it fuckin sucks.
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