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*Kes* (poisonxnitemare) wrote,
@ 2004-04-24 00:34:00
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    Current mood: drained
    Current music:easier to run - Linkin Park

    without everything..
    I dont know....for some reason...i just got in the biggest fucking depression again. i was talking to thomas and all of a sudden we got on a touchy subject and he knows whenever we talk about that it totally destroys and stomps on my mood, even if im on the top of the world. and all this shit just flooded in on me and i NEED to DO something but i cant and im trying not to but i cant let it go...
    i hate everything about this place in life, i swear to God. i hate everything about meeeeeee....i wish i was in waconia cuz ever since i left my life has like split in two. its one of the best things that ever happened to me cuz i met thomas...but its also gone down the shitter because its so hard to move away from 6 years of growing up with people you know and love to death.
    thats not even half of my problem. you know what my problem is? i think i have problems with confidence and communication and my addictions...holding onto the past crap thats happened to me...even if thomas is helping me let it go, itll always be there. its part of who i am now and if i let it go itd just be like chopping off half of my body. that shit grows on you like fucking mold.
    and i dont know why im so alone and angry because i have no reason to family loves me, my boyfriend loves me, my friends love me, so why do i hate myself so much?
    *:-:*Nothing ever stops all these thoughts and the pain attached to them, sometimes i wonder why this is happening
    It's like nothing I can do will distract me when/i think of how i shot myself in the back again
    'Cause from the infinite words I could say
    Put all the pain you gave to me on display
    But didn't realize instead of setting it free, I took what I hated and made it a part of me*:-:*
    -Linkin Park. the best fucking band alive. I swear they wrote their songs for me sometimes.
    ah i need to let go of my past. im sick of holding it against me all the time and i get tired of the load....i want to live in the present now.
    but how the fuck am i supposed to do that.
    Im talking to thomas now and hes making me feel better. so im gonna go.

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