|Current mood:|| aggravated|
|Current music:||Counting Crows - Sullivan Street|
hey there people
Well, Mary was pissed I haven't written in here in a while, so, instead of studying for anatomy, I'll write a little.
Leslie came in from Zanesville this weekend. I love Les, she's so funny and is cool to hang out with. She's engaged, well sort of, to a good guy. He works at a processing plant on the southeast side. I realized a few things this weekend though. We started out at the 4 Kegs this weekend. It was ladies night but there were a hundred guys there, so it kind of sucked, not to mention the fact that the girls there were either taken or not my type. We moved on to Alcatraz, where I stayed for 20 minutes before I leave to go get wasted some more by myself. I'm not the clubbing type, I'm not the kind of guy that wants to meet a girl at a bar either. Katie and Leslie went off and shook their asses on the dance floor while I stood chugging my beer to get the hell out of there. The next morning, I find out Katie hooked up with some guy she met at the bar (whoopidty doo). Heh, I give up hanging out with them, they're cool to talk to and everything, but their idea of fun isn't what I want to do. I've come to the point where I'm ready to move on to my next relationship, but I'm getting too bogged down with trying to find the perfect girl. She doesn't exist anymore. If she ever did, I already fucked it up too far to be of any hope of becoming anything again. Aw well, so is life.
5 students were killed in a fire over the weekend here. Didn't know any of them, but one of the survivors was in the hospital where I volunteer. Didn't even know he was in volved until I got home and saw it on the news. They said 11 kids shared the house and 2 of them died. The house was a complete loss, we drove by it earlier, we wondered which one it was. Weird.
I thought pressure would be relieved some after I got into Resp. Therapy, but it hasn't. I still have pressure to pass these classes and make friends and all this other bullshit. I've been kinda down lately about things. Not so much academically, but socially. I know I know, who isn't? Joe "broke up" with his girlfirend last night. He's been trying to for a while, and when he finally does it, he feels like shit. And she doesn't deserve that, she's a great girl. I talked to her a little about it last night after I talked to Joe, and she had to get off line because he was waiting for her outside her dorm. Katie said I should date her, but I think it'd be weird with her being with him and all. Nuts to that, she'd probably make me quit smoking or something. Anatomy girl is way out of my league and physics girl is something different all together. It seems I only like to look for the unattainable lately. What I need to do is grow some balls and actually talk to them. It's definitely not that simple. I don't think it's so much a fear of being rejected as it is a fear of her not being right for me. I'm kinda sick of making all these wrong decisions.
Last week, I taught a group of anatomy people the entire function of the heart, and they all seemed genuinely interested to a point. Even laughing at stupid jokes. But humor is how I think I hide things from people. It's so much easier to make a joke than to talk to someone. But that leads to them thinking I'm an idiot. Grrr, I can't win here.
Alright, that's it, Mary, you best be happy, I wrote something! To sum it up, it needs to be simpler for me. I miss the days of the girls giving me some sign they're interested or even a smile once in a while. I miss the days of attainable goals and objectives. But I blame it all on the romance of my mind and the little voices in my scizophrenic (mary help me with the spelling) head telling me not to do soemthing out of fear. Catch ya on the flip side.
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It's Mary....schizophrenic, there you go. I'll give you a smile anytime you want it, honey =)|
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