|Current mood:|| blank|
|Current music:||Fiona Apple_Extraordinary Machine|
Life in the slow lane
I am at my moms house because I wanted to use the internet for a little while. She has been drinking, like every night, she gets on my nerves toward the end of the night. This is the one second of peace I have had in a long time and she wants to sit here and argue about stupid shit with me. April bought this new car that has 473,777 miles on it and I told my mom. She was on the phone w Richard a second ago and he said that it does not have a 1 or a 2 or a 3 it just says 73,777. I still don't know wtf she is talking about because she was chewing her nails and plus she is drunk and couldn't really chose her words. I saw how many miles were on the fucking car. Thats of course not even important but then she started asking me about Josh being on my insurance and all of this. I wish she wouldn't start that bullshit.
I wish I hadnt came over here... but anyway.. moving along..
I was watching Sex and The City and she changed the chanel back to these anorexic american idol girls. I feel like my mom is the most insensitive person to my emotions in the world. I will be so glad when Charlie gets home from work tommorrow. I have so much to tell him plus I need to "find the peace" which is only possible when he is around lately. I wish I could stop certain people from getting to me, like my mom. Josh. The Misc faces of judgement that surround me. *sigh*. I just need to relax.. To find the so called peace.
I got my nails done today for my Bday, which is the 23rd for those who do not know. :). I have no idea why I got my nails done. I was complaining today about all the money I have spent the last few semesters trying to make myself a prettier version of me. No sucess so far. I got back down to a size 5 then quickly reverted to a tight 7, in the last few weeks. I just got my hair cut off even shorter. It was purple but its faded out. Since around August my hair has been blonde, brown, blonde and blue, blonde and black, brown and black, red and black, red, purple, burgandy, and about fifty other colors but those are the only ones I can remember. Not to mention its gone from long to long with layers to medium with layers to medium length inverted bob to short inverted bob with the back shaved. Sometimes I think about just shaving my head, that will surely be my next thing. Yes I am finally cracking as I mentioned before. I do not know what I am looking for and I certainly have not found it. I could buy a small country with what I've spent on Sally's Beauty Supply, Victoria's Secret, The Gym that I never have time to go to, and the tattoo/piercing industry. I am still a mystery to my self and I don't feel any prettier and I feel like I wasted a shit load of money. Thats about all. Josh is still divorcing me. Nothing has changed.
Well anyway I cant believe the baby is sleeping and I am wasting time posting here. Well it feels good to get things off of my chest. It feels a lot better than doing howework. BTW, I made an 86 on that Shakespeare test, not a spectacular grade, but much better than I thought. Also as for my advising sessions, 11-12 More classes and I will be out. The end is in sight. Now if I can just make it there without getting lost.
Ok well I was going to end this with this really beautiful Nietzsche quote that I read recently while writing a paper on his "Birth of Tragedy", however I can't find the quote online, nor remember it perfectly, nor get my ass out of the recliner to go find the book, therefore I found a few replacement quotes.
"And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."
"Existence really is an imperfect tense that never becomes a present."
"Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes."
"Not by wrath does one kill, but by laughter."
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