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Caroline (pinkfairydust) wrote,
@ 2003-11-12 22:48:00
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    Current mood: melancholy
    Current music:"Lonestar"~Norah Jones

    The sun just slipped its note below my door, and I can't hide beneath my sheets...
    Nothing too interesting to write. Walking around campus to all my classes, I can feel it's finally sweater weather. Try as I may to wear sandals and my dear pink ballet slippers around, and skimp on coats, even now I admit I am getting cold. I've never been a big fan of winter, but right now, my mood almost welcomes it. The coldness of it all, but yet the warmth you feel when you're home. I don't know...I don't know what I'm feeling lately, it's all just a big blur. Things are changing, myself included, faster than I can keep up with, and anyone who knows me knows I don't deal well with change. Not in the least. Oh well, I am trying as hard as I can to adapt.

    Hard to believe this time last year, I was in love with David (Mr. D&W or Nashbob to me and Britt...*sigh*), and just indulging in life with my friends, unable to believe graduation was only a few short months away. Haha, the David thing brings back some memories. I was so infatuated with him, it was unreal. I cannot even tell you how much money I spent on Starbucks last fall just so I could have an excuse to go see him. Haha, once a dork, always one. :)

    There were some good memories with him favorite though, I think, was him walking me out to my car the night before "the big talk" about us, when everything was still innocent and clear, and it was snowing really hard. I remember we got into this snow fight, and we were just ripping out the big guns, and just dousing each other. He didn't have a coat on, but still insisted on brushing my car off for me. I think almost every night we worked together, he always walked me out to my car, no matter how out of the way it was, and always, always gave me a hug. Not a wimpy hug, but a long one. I just remember that deep stomach feeling of never wanting to let go. I miss him, I'll admit it. But like most other people who have come and gone from my life in the past few months, he too has changed. I think he was the one guy who I've ever been with (though we were never really together) who really made it clear to me that he was willing to give everything for me, and that he would have given much more than I gave him to chance to. He deserved someone better than me though, in the end. I hurt him pretty bad, and I still regret that. I let him go, but in the end, that led me to someone else I might have never been with. Despite everything that happened with that guy, he meant a lot to me, and I don't think I would have wanted our relationship to never have existed.

    I think it goes to prove that everything happens for a reason. I let go of one guy to find another, and letting go of that one too will lead me to someone new. Anyway, bundle up in scarves, mittens, and drink some hot chocolate guys. Know that I miss and love each one of you...I just hope you still miss and love me too. *hugs*

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2003-11-12 22:55 (link)
David Start? Yep. he's changed. Still a sweetheart though. He's with a 16 year old. ick.

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2003-11-13 11:42 (link)
he's with a 16 year old? EWWWWW!!! yeah, david start...who wrote that by the way?

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red light green light, red light green light
2003-11-15 15:31 (link)
blah i could be up there with you right now, but nope. hope you're all having a good time.

I wanna know who left that comment....i'm guessing maybe lindsey westfield bc she works at the D&W starbucks...hmm? anywho...yes the memories of nashbob, which almost goes back to gymnast boy breaking the panini case. Ahem...some memories i don't mind forgetting. Someday you and I will be happy with nice, yet fun boys. ooooh someday...
sooo last night i was supposed to hang out with mccarthy and norby, ahem speaking of past relationships...squinty eyes? oh..haha. that didn't go over well though, aparently they got lost at The Maxum, they wanted us to come and we were like um probably not. Especially is Justin Kohler's there...hahahh, lil f*ckhead. Someday he'll get his...anyway baby gurrrl I'm gunna go use my lovely new Redkin products and give myself a manicure, damn, cosmetology school is already getting to me...haha. Can't wait to see you in like 2 weeks :)
much love---

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2003-11-15 18:39 (link)
i was lonesome without you today britty. it's ok though, i don't want you getting sick or mommy being all alone and sick. it was fun, i got some pants and a sweater, then stuffed myself silly with food. yum. frankly, i would have traded all that to be at your house with you, giving myself a manicure. i miss ya, baby girl. and i'm sorry about lauren, i really am. being selective about your friends by acting like you're too good for them is complete crap, and you deserve better than that. you still have me though, if that's any consolation. love ya. see you in two weeks.

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