Mallory (pianofart) wrote, @ 2003-04-16 13:22:00

Current mood:	Confuzzled
Current music:	Kane's entrance music

WARNING: Another Bitchy Entry
This just isn't cool. Why does it feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place? If you know please tell me- I need to know some answers. I think it's just the whole aspect of high school...Social cliques, mean people, insecurity, and growing up...Dealing with all these things at once is just overwhelming. Oh- and THEN there's the college deal that I have to worry about. I know I'm going to go to college. I want to start off at the community college and transfer. But my brother tried that, my sister tried that, even my dad tried that. The whole work thing got in the way. So I think that I don't want to work until after I graduate. My sister (I hate using her as an example, but this is how I learned) was going to GMU- which, by the way, is not a bad school. But then she got a job and school was put on the back burner. I want to be in music education because I love showing people how to leaarn to love such a beautiful art, but how can I do that if I don't go to college? So even if Dad wants me to get a job, it will have to wait until the summer. I won't do it. I don't want to screw over my life- Lord knows I've done that enough. I have an advantage to being the youngest. I see what worked and what didn't work for my older siblings and make my decisions from there. Mer, I love you and all, and I'm sorry if I might've hurt you for writing about you in this entry.
But back to what I was saying before...High school is just the pits. I have two groups of friends and they're on the totally opposite sides of the social spectrum from one another. I have friends like Kati and Paul that are into the whole heavy metal deal. They're like bangers (except Paul wears cowboy boots and bootleg jeans with Kiss shirts and a redneck baseball cap to top it off) only not really gothic to the point to where they only wear black and they wear the black lipstick. On the other side of the stream, there's the friends that I have like Sara and Beth- preppy dressers, but not preppy attitudes. They can act way immature (which, I'll admit, is something everyone should do every so often) but they know how to have a good time. However, they all have the self esteem of zero and it's bothersome. On the other hand, people like Paul and Kati are smokers, drug addicts (although most of them are honestly quitting), nymphomaniacs and stuff. I don't ever do any of the things that I listed just now. So why do I hang out with them? Because if they do smoke, they're nice enough to not do it around me, if they smoke up, they're nice enough to not do it around me (they don't hang around me when they're stoned, either), and the nympho part...Well, Heaven forbid that ever happen while I'm there...Otherwise I've got some pretty sick friends. Ha ha ha ha.
I guess I'll figure this out in due time. I don't think that anyone's advice or their experiences will honestly help me out in this department. I have got to figure this out...Beth is starting to get really jealous and I don't understand why...Perplexing mystery to solve...Hmmmmm....

ioevri1 2003-04-28 22:15 (link)

Couldnt you apply for financial aid or scholarships so that you dont have to work? Or student loans? And if you have to work and goto school, it can be done. I do it, although sometimes not gracefully. Just make sure whatever it is you do, that you allow yourself time off from school. Here is how I attempt to manage it as an example! I have a full day on Monday.... A class mid day, a few hours break then an evening class, I just utilize my time and get studying and research and homework done in the library at break. I have found it is easier for me to get majority of my studying done at school. It is just to easy to get distracted at home. ya know? whatever you decide to do, good luck. And keep focused! (Reply to this) (Thread)

pianofart 2003-08-31 23:06 (link)

THANK YOU!!! You are probably one of the first people that has actually supposrted me in my quest to avoid the community colleges. I toured a couple places in Massachusetts- there's one school I really liked, Bridgewater State. It has a major for social work (which is what I want to do) and it only costs $7,000 ou-of-state. I mean, my aunt went there and she was like, "It's a great school." I know three people that are going to go this upcoming year...It just seems like a really great school. It's a wonderful campus. My mom adores it, and she's happy I'm looking for schools up where her family lives...Now it's my dad that won't hear it. I just think that he needs to go on the tours with me and I'm hoping to go on one sometime for spring break ( I got a tour from my cousin before) and I REALLY want to go... Sorry it took so long for me to respond. Or if I did, I'm sorry and I forgot I already responded. It's just I forgot my login name...How could I forget something like that??? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: ioevri1 2003-09-01 07:03 (link)
	:) well either way Mallory... good luck! Maybe it is tuition your dad doesnt want to pay. maybe you should say, well dad...i could always move in with Auntie for my last year of school, that way I would be considered an instate resident when it came time to goto school! (just a thought mind you) (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: pianofart 2003-09-04 20:35 (link)
	YOu know, I gave that a thought...but if you knew the family up there, you wouldn't want to spend your last year of being a kid there, either...I think he's warming up to the idea, anyways. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: ioevri1 2003-09-05 08:20 (link)
	well, that is great. I wish you the best! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)