Rachel (queenrachel) wrote in penandpaper, @ 2003-10-20 21:22:00

Current mood:

procrastinating

I figured I should post something. ;) This is a poem I wrote last year... I'm not a poet but I think this turned out okay. Constructive criticism will earn you cookies!




I was drowning, my lifeboat just a shard of broken dignity.
I tried to reach for you, but you just stared-
Unconcerned.
And when I'd almost reached the surface,
You pushed me back underwater,
Leaving me to drown.

Somehow I survived,
The ragged breath of solitude healing me more than it should have.
I waited for an apology, but there was none,
Only a cold stare of frigid disdain.

Your animosity was like the clouds before a thunderstorm,
Dark and gloomy, threatening to unleash fury at any moment,
But yours was never unchained.

Something I did made you feel remorse,
The way it always happened.
What was it this time? Was it when you saw me crying tears of ice?
Or when I decided that I simply didn't care anymore,
Leaving you alone in a crowded room.

But after all that time, all that loathing,
You're the one who's drowning now.
You reach for me, and I see myself mirrored in your eyes,
Through the hazy distortion of the water.
I think of ignoring you, but where will that get me?
Reoccurrences are our fates, so it seems.
And so I extend a hand to you,
Because I don't want to drown anymore.

	stillnotqueen 2003-10-20 22:22 (link)
	I so responded to this ten minutes ago! *fwaps computer* I love that poem. It was awesome, had a great metaphor, and would make an awesome song. *nods* Awesome. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	frizzhead 2003-10-21 11:28 (link)
	Wow, that's really nicely done, Rachel! I particularly like the metaphors, and the emotion. Plus the subtle rhymes kick ass. ;) (Reply to this) (Thread)