| Current mood: |  blah |
sorry?
krissie approached me this afternoon and apologized for everything..
i guess it was obvious that i wasn't really buying what she is saying..
i was in a bad mood, talk about good timing..
anyway, i appreciate the gesture..
and just like what i said to her..
i don't hate her, but i don't trust her..
trust is just too big to give up again..
jam made a comment to my lj entry asking me to visit a link if i had the time..
i clicked on the link and it was one of her entries..
that entry was all about apologies to friends..specifically, me&steven..
...silence...
I don't know if you still have room in your heart to forgive me, but I'm asking you anyway. Can you still forgive me? I still am hoping we can be friends again, even if it means going back to square one. I know it will take a while for you to trust in me again, but I'm willing to earn it, if you are willing to give our friendship a chance.
i can forgive but i cannot forget..being friends again requires trust..and that is THE ONE THING that i cannot give to her anymore..talk about being heartless huh?
i just don't want to be the emotional wreck that i was before..i don't want to risk my now, thankfully, stable life to be screwed up again by the very people i trust..
to be brutally honest, i am happy she's not part of my life anymore..she's just part of the past, end of story..
i think she and her friends already messed up my life too much that the best we could ever be is the way me&kat are right now..talking to each other like mere acquaintances..coz that's what we are..
i cannot trust her..not now..not in the near future..
she just happened to be the very person i used to trust the most..
believe it or not, there was a point where i trusted her more than  bonakid..
but she screwed me up big time..even going to the extent of hacking my accounts (mail&journal) and actually sending bits&pieces of my journal entries to her "friends"..
having to go through all that sucks big time..and i'm not about to risk having to go through the same thing again..
it's JUST NOT HAPPENING..
call me heartless..call me whatever you want to call me..
but it's not happening..we can't be friends..we can just be acquaintances..
that's the best there is right now..
over..
to the one concerned..i guess you get the picture..
i'll tell you what i told krissie..
i don't hate you..but i don't trust you..
that goes the same for you..
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(Anonymous)
2004-12-18 08:55
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*hug* im sorry you had to go through all that kate, i hope you "heal", because i dont want you to feel that way forever. im here if you need me, sweetie:). --wenk. (Reply to this) (Thread) |
|  As you wish.
jamster
2004-12-27 00:06
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Okay. I made mistakes, mistakes I don't expect to be forgiven for, not by you or by anyone, not even by God, coz I know I made pretty bad ones. I make mistakes just like everyone else. All I can do is apoliogize for them. You don't have to forgive me, but you can't blame me for asking anyway.
I don't mean to sound like I am contradicting the apology I made to you, but this entry of yours made me realize how much you HATED me. I think it's only fair to say that it takes two to tango, and for all it's worth, I also had a pretty fucked up life because of what happened, in ways I don't expect you to understand. I don't want to bring it up anymore coz that's not who I am anymore, and I don't want to cajole you into understanding me. If you don't, then you don't, that's all there is to it.
Thanks for trusting me once. If you can't trust me again, it's alright. Point taken. I just don't want it to be weird in the end. Like 40 or 50 years from now, when you see me, all the claws come out again. Let's move on. We both don't want to look back, anyway.
We're both happy with our lives the way it is now. I just wanted to apologize because I AM SORRY. For being the fucked up me (honestly, in part because of you...sorry for pointing that out) and for dragging you along a fucked up ride. No one deserves that. We don't deserve that.
It was nice knowing you. Acquaintances, it is.(Reply to this) (Thread) |
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