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partypunk5 (partypunk) wrote,
@ 2005-01-30 21:03:00
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    oh boy
    so today is the first day I kept a meal down. Lunch....3 pizza rolls and some fruit. It was complete and utter hell waiting for dinner to come. Felt like I was 8 months pregnant and carrying around twins. At least something stayed. I felt like I was panic attacking all day. After dinner when I went into the bathroom, it was ultimate bliss. Although i do believe I felt my heart flutter :S The rushing sensation of the knowledge of why I do what I do calmed me down and reminded that it's not worth carrying the "baby." Haha...thats a really ridiculous way to phrase that. I'M NOT PREGNANT FOR REAL. Anyway...remember how I wanted to gain weight? I actually lost weight in my failed attempt at gaining. THis is so hard. I feel absolutely sick all of the time. I kinda figured fuck it. I'll just lose until I can't possibly lose anymore. All the while, if I gain...woohooo nowillkillmyself. haha. HATE THE WORLD---lates current weight: 82 (after a bath) soo 81?


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lostinmysoul
2005-03-02 19:14 (link)
your doing good havent been on here in a while but just showing you some support stay strong

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