|Current mood:||in pain|
jamie, oh jamie, i'm so glad you're mine.
sorry for the lack of words.
my grandmom is here. and with her she brings carton upon carton of pall mall lights. drool. DROOL. i have to resist. RESIST. she'll know if even one is missing. it's a sin, my sister would probably get blamed. ha.
this week has been dull. ashley's in new york, so i don't have any excuse to see jeff. oh christ, this has gotten bad. to where i look forward to seeing jeff more so than ashley. i think jeff thinks i have a crush on ashley. hope ashley doesn't suspect i like jeff. emily and erin know. emily says "just keep it hush" and erin says, "stop it - NOW." oh christ. i feel like two-face from batman. i should just paint my face and go to school.
speaking of school, i should wear something annoyingly outrageous tomorrow. but no, i'll probably sleep in this outfit. and go to school looking like the usual bum that i am. i think i'm going to bring my little carebear. sleep with it all day. yeah. fucking lovely.
dammit. gotta write fast.
tell them how i'm horrible
tell them how i lie
tell them how i never understand anything
she'll tell them all of it
she'll speak of how ugly and different i am.
she moves her lips so delicately
it's like an art, the way she weaves her lies
and like a bullet, the first word comes out
piercing those who hear it
underneath a too-old face with thick glasses
long hair hides the head that holds the mind
that holds her sin. it's such a sin.
a bottle of blonde
august wind is swirling faster than usual
a bedroom door is open and the light seems red
i bite my lip, he leans across the bedpost
and it's an awkward moment
a sheet covers the window, it's ten o'clock at night
but i can see this fading into darkness
downstairs the stereo plays "you're so last summer"
and you don't know the words yet, but i do.
"boys like you are a dime a dozen."
well, the clock struck ten fifteen and i knew i had to go
so i grasped your hand one last time
i tucked something into your hand
(it was growing so cold, so i trusted you'd keep it warm)
you held it for a while, but when it got too cold you threw it away
i have yet to get it back.
february brings change
"thirty days hath september
april, june, and november."
she skips the stairs two at a time and sings the song
until she skips one stair too many, falls, and cracks her head open
oh, child, open your eyes, how did you fall?
"i tripped on a heart, it was lying on the floor."
her eyes still shut, she points to the heart
and i realized that by loving her, i killed her.
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