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Distant Vincent (paintkismet) wrote,
@ 2005-12-28 14:50:00
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    There's so much I would like to say to you, but I will just have to let you go
    I don't know what to do. Everything is so fucked up! I am trying so hard to get over it but I can't... I feel like there's nothing I can do. No matter where I am or who I'm with... it's always eating at me. I feel so powerless and frustrated. I want to give up. I want this to be over with... there's just too much. Everything leads me to a memory. I thought that we had everything and that everything was fine... and then out of nowhere it happened and now I feel so pointless. I am so humiliated and I feel so stupid. I should have seen it. Why does it hurt so bad? I have a reason to be mad and that should help me get over it but it's not fucking working. I still feel like I did before and it's fucking killing me. There are so many empty spaces now. It's so hard and I hate this. I hate that I have to fucking go through this. And what really makes it unbearable is that the only person who could make me feel better... he's the same fucking person that did this to me... and I still don't hate him. I don't want to love him anymore. I don't want to be around him or see him. I can't stand this. I fucking need him and I hate it. He's so awful and he hurt me and I still fucking love him. What do you do about something like this? Give it time... that's everyone's advice. So I will give it time. I'll wait. And I'll have to keep waking up every morning and I'll have to realize it over and over again... that I wasn't fucking good enough. And I didn't see it! Everyone warned me... and now they're all sick of me. This was everything. Everyone knows how much he meant to me. Fuck it. Fuck him. I need to go find something to do... Sorry guys.

    Holding onto the memory of what didn't last.

    Waiting for better words,

    They'll never come.

    So dry your eyes,

    It's better,

    Now it's done...

    I never lost so much.

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