|Current mood:|| stressed|
|Current music:||pretty gilrs make graves-ifyouhateyourfriendsyournotalone|
it doesnt hurt to force a smile does it?
some things will never ever make sence to me...ever! sometimes i cannot understand people and the way the work for the life of me! and it makes me soo fuckin stressed!!! GRRR!
sometimes i wonder why i ever quit smoking(sigh)i guess the i will never know.
ive told nate time after time again, if he doesnt help me clean(that doesnt mean just make the bed and load the dishwasher once in awhlie, it means fuckin clean right!! and cleaning doesnt mean push everything in a pile on the floor in a diffrent room! that drives me crazy.)then im not going to marry him...im starting to think he doesnt belive me and its pissing me off! im trying to put my fuckin foot down and no one even sees me. i cant say im not used to being treated this way...no one ever hears or cares what i say!
i know that he was never told to clean(right) or he was never shown but he needs to learn...weve lived together almost 2 years and nothing has changed...i love him more than anything but if he cant even try then im not going to..its only fair. its so simple.....but even if he did clean, hes never been one for details..i dont know!! it stresses me out so bad and he knows it..still nothing changes.
i tell him over and over and over again and ill end up doing it until im blue in the fuckin face and nothing will happen. he always says he'll clean, he'll help me clean...i have yet to see him clean anything...not here not at his dads!
and im not wrighting this here in hope that he finds this(i dont even think he reads this) he fuckin knows how i feel. this should be no shock at all and if it is then he must not hear a word i tell him.
im only giving him so much longer(and he should know it)after that i will not marry him. if my warnings and pleas mean nothing then i cant even begin to think how being married to him would be like. like i said, i love him more then anything, i think it should be likewise...and yet this simple task bothers the shit out of me! GGGGGGRRRRRRRR!
on a lighter note...i think ill take up smoking again!
***When under extreme stress, such as when held in captivity, some octopuses will eat their own arms, which grow back. ***
i should be happy im not a octopuss
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