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504 (ozmargaret) wrote,
@ 2003-08-26 22:29:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry

    Current mood: blah
    Current music:alkaline trio - radio

    My Essay.
    Okay, so here is my essay. Anyone can read and and feel free to comment with any suggestions you have...I wrote it all tonight in about an hour and a half. I'm going to check for comments in the morning. By about the 4th and 5th paragraphs, I stopped caring and just wrote down a bunch of stupid crap that didn't make sense. Anway. Enjoy. I'm off to finish studying for French Examien A Demain...I think thats how you say it...and putting my Chemistry lab in my notebook. Have a nice day!

    Margaret Morris
    English 10 Honors
    August 27, 2003
    Coppeans
    Burning Away Society
    Montag summarizes the society’s mentality as he kills Beatty saying, “You always said, don’t face a problem, burn it (121).” The society illustrated in Fahrenheit 451 exhibits multiple flaws within the society’s treatment of the human race. Mechanical contraptions, the burning away of problems, and lessened family values have become the norm in this evolved society. Bradbury uses Montag as an example to portray the inevitable decline of moral values in the modern society and the emerging apathy of human culture.
    Society in Bradbury’s imaginary future seems quite different from the society that is known today. The characters in Fahrenheit 451 live in a world devoid of public emotion and feeling. When a world owns fleets of units that instantly aid suicide attempts, there must be a problem. Suicide attempts have become an expected thing in this futuristic society. Most of the people that try to kill themselves do not have any clue why they attempt. For example, Millie Montag took sleeping pills until she had consumed the entire bottle. Attempted suicide by your wife is a drastic thing to come home to, and it greatly affected Montag’s view of the society he lives in. Millie’s attempted suicide later became a major turning point in Montag’s crusade for the public ownership of books.
    The next key turning point within in novel occurs when Millie turns Montag in to the authorities for the possession of books. Montag and his crew deploy to the address of the violation, only to find that Montag is the offender. At his home, Montag and Beatty engage in a heated discussion, ultimately leading to Montag’s murder of Beatty. Beatty’s death is highly important because it leads to Montag’s point of no return. No longer is Montag welcome in society, for he has become a traitor to the government. The government that limits education and happiness has now ostracized Montag for his love of literature. With no reason to remain in this conformist society, Montag flees the city.
    Montag meets other book-loving intellectuals, and finally obtains the ability to reflect on the society he has left. Society in Montag’s future has literally no concern for the people living in it. Before Montag leaves the city, a car full of rambunctious youngsters tries to hit Montag has he walks in the street. The young people in the car are ultimate product of the apathetic culture that resides in Fahrenheit 451’s ultramodern humanity. People kill for fun, and people die for no reason. The censorship and conformity of the society forces events such as this to occur, and the people living in the world see no problem with it. They have been taught that life is all about fun, when in reality these people are empty shells who thrive on their four wall television screens and sleeping pills.
    The obvious apathetic nature and lack of value in the society of this novel cause for a deep look at the world that has been established today. With no books to guide on philosophy, no education of the past, no hint of what the future will bring, who would not vie for change? Society has become a beast that swallows a person whole with no questions asked. The government thought by ridding the society of sensation that it could gain control. Finally by the end of the novel, the government realizes what it has done. With only intellectuals remaining, the reader is left with hope for a brighter, smoke-free future.

    oh and by the way, word on the street is that somebody is actually going to ask me to homecoming....isnt that exciting? no? okay...have a great day anyway.

    margaret



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mandalynnsb005
2003-08-26 23:54 (link)
margaret, your essay is very well thought out and is simple enough that it flows and it's easy to understand (even considering that i read the book over a year ago). the content itself is great, and the grammar and word usage are pretty good. i'll pretend to be smart and offer a few suggestions to phrases that were a little wordy (unless ms. coppeans enjoys wordiness.. some teachers do, some don't) and such.. but what do i know? i dropped out of ms. coppeans class and just started back up in honors english this year heh. anyhows.. i don't know if your teacher is picky about nominalization (turning words into a verb using -ion, -ance, -ment, etc.) but i saw it a couple times and in some instances it's okay, but others your sentence would be clearer and more direct when nominalization is eleminated.

par 1. "The society illustrated in Fahrenheit 451 exhibits multiple flaws within the society’s treatment of the human race. " not anything wrong really, but somewhat wordy and confusing upon first glance... something to do with using "society's treatment" maybe. I can't think of a better way to reword it though, so it seems the wordiness is necessary.

par. 2 "For example, Millie Montag took sleeping pills until she had consumed the entire bottle. Attempted suicide by your wife is a drastic thing to come home to.." I'm not sure if your teacher will be picky about it, but you changed tenses in that sentence. To be on the safe side change it to present so your teacher doesn't nit pick about literature always being in present. You used "your".. dunno if your teacher will nit-pick about that. As well, that whole "attempted suicide by your wife" is nominalization, and your sentence might be clearer if you started with something where attempting is the verb because it's more powerful than is.

par. 3 "The next key turning point within in novel occurs when.." within in.. maybe you meant within the novle?
"Beatty’s death is highly important because it leads to Montag’s point of no return. ".. is point of no return slang? just wasn't sure, cause last year Mr. Daniels nit picked about every little bit of slang.

par. 4 "Before Montag leaves the city, a car full of rambunctious youngsters tries to hit Montag has he walks in the street. " has he walks in the street.. probably you meant as he walks in the street.
"The young people in the car are ultimate product of the apathetic culture that resides in Fahrenheit 451’s ultramodern humanity." something about ultimate product doesn't sound right.. i'm not sure exactly what you're trying to say.. maybe even just adding "the ultimate product" would make it a little less confusing? the whole sentence is a little much to handle at first, but i think the wordiness is needed to get your ponit across.. though the verb resides seems a little awkward because even though by dictionary it fits, when you think of people residing, you think of residence and you think of houses, not the society as a whole. maybe it's just too late at night for me to be trying to edit a paper.. who knows!

par. 5 "The obvious apathetic nature and lack of value in the society.." even though you've already stated "moral value" many times in your essay, you might want to state it yet again just to show that it's not monetary value, etc. but moral value that doesn't exist.

your essay looks really great though! sorry if i don't make any sense.. it's pretty late heh. good luck! i know how harsh ms. coppeans can be on essays.
<33 .M.

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niavekeinerin
2003-08-27 18:41 (link)
STOP PRETENDING TO BE SMART!!!





















































you like fourteen year olds

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aww mandy.
ozmargaret
2003-08-27 19:38 (link)
mandy thank you SO much for your detailed analysis of my essay...it would have been of much better help if MY INTERNET HAD BEEN WORKING THIS MORNING AND I COULD REVISE IT! liseh9*GH@$(EUAWHTo

i <3 you all.

margaret

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