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Opus Zero (opuszero) wrote,
@ 2011-02-07 22:28:00
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    Current mood: sad

    Christina.
    Today's winding down. Writing for the sake of just getting this out and onto (virtual) paper...

    Got to the hospital a little after 10 this morning. Her parents are doing well considering the circumstances. Spent about two hours sitting next to her with her family and talking...about everything. I was the only one of all of her college friends to be able to make it down to see her. Her parents told me that of all the people she knew at Pacific, they're glad that I was the one to be able to come down for it.

    Christina was the first person I met in college (the same was true for her). It was a weird coincidence, really...her parents and my parents were the same way that day -- we'd all met independently of each other and didn't realize it until I spoke with my mom on the phone later that day. Over the next few years, Christina and I did absolutely everything together.

    I spoke with her dad for a long time today. He told me something that made me smile...and also made my heart sink at the same time. He said that he and his wife had secretly hoped that somewhere down the line, Christina and I would "come to our senses" and start dating...and that eventually they would have loved it if we could have gotten married and I could have been their son. I didn't really know how to respond to that. I told him that Christina and I had actually jokingly talked about that sort of thing years ago -- then decided we were too much like brother and sister for that to work. Her mom later asked me if she would get the chance to dance at my future wedding -- I told her I'd make sure of it.

    When it was almost time, I got about 15 minutes alone with her to say goodbye. I don't even really remember what I said in the moment -- the day's been such an incredible blur. I did get a chance to give her a big hug and kiss her on her forehead before I left.

    Shortly afterward at about 12:15pm or so, life support was discontinued. She went very peacefully.

    I've been asked by the family to handle notifications for everyone at the university. The first 4 hours after the fact were the worst -- the phone ringing constantly, blazing with text messages...after awhile, I finally just turned my phone on silent and curled up in bed. There's a blanket that Christina made me years ago when she got really into crocheting -- I've been sleeping with it for a while now. That made me feel a little better.

    And...now life moves on. There's work tomorrow. Parents to deal with. Kids to teach. My colleague is the only one at work who knows anything about why I wasn't at the high school today. He told me to take a couple days off...but I can't do that. I need to be doing something...anything. Helping people. Teaching. Making music. Christina would have liked that.

    I love you so much, Tibi... Rest easy, friend.



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