I feel stupid now.
But then again, i always do this to myself... I got so depressed today when i didn't get any kind of response from Mike. I thought to myself "even if he isn't interested he could at least have the common courtesy to say something." As the day progressed i got more stressed out, i don't know why. I am usually so good at putting on the "everything is peachy" mask to hide my real feelings, but today it was as if they were written on my forehead. As soon as i got to the yearbook office Caitlin asked me what was wrong. I had been lying to myself, telling myself i was fine and that i was over-reacting. When she knew that's when it came gushing out, like a landslide... i re-told the whole whimsical tale... for what felt like the billionth time. She was sympathetic and gave me a hug (along with that cute little pouty face she does). I felt better at first that it was out, but then i felt worse. It was real now, i couldn't pretend that i was imaging things. I went to my locker after school and Fatimeh asked "What's wrong?" I thought to myself "Is it really that obvious?" I told her that i was upset about the whole Mike issue.. . She tried to cheer me up with a little humor: "Remember Jordan, he's Mormon." Sigh... "yeah," i replied, "but at this point i'd even put up with his 14 other wives."
I walked to my car with Cindy. I told her that it felt like the end. She said that at least i tried... but i always try, and nothing happens. It is so discouraging.
I got home from school finally, yelled some obscenities just for the heck of it... it felt good to swear. My sister flinched, i apologized. "It's the stress," i told her, "something for you to look forward to." I came upstairs and sat down in front of the computer. Let's see what i got in the mail today.
Can you even guess what was in my inbox? A letter from Mike.
I'm so stupid.
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Kind of... I don't think he knows what he wants to do.|
Anyway, I replied this:
I was really happy to get your email.
I guess I can forgive you for taking so long to respond, you have a legitimate alibi(but i was going crazy waiting).
Someday I'll have to tell you the whole story about the typo in the letter, all i can say is that it really wasn't me (blame Mrs. Letzter)!
I have a similar problem when it comes to thinking of things to say, but it seems like I always have this problem when I'm first getting to know a person. Therefore, I purpose that we continue talking (via e-mail) and then when we are better acquainted we will have less difficulty thinking of things to say.
I was always curious about whether or not you and Mike S. had solved the mystery of the secret admirer. (And unfortunately, sometimes there are things that you just have to risk looking like an idiot for. I felt like an idiot when i sent you those letters, but hopefully it will all turn out for the best now.)
I saw you were auditioning for the spring musical, good luck! I'm sure you will get a good part!
Don't worry, your screen name isn't too dorky. In fact my gmail address is kind of dorky too: firstname.lastname@example.org
There, that can be the first random fact you learn about me: I'm in obsessed with David Bowie (in a totally healthy, non-psychotic kind of way). Hmm... what else is interesting about me? If there is anything you want to know don't hesitate to ask.
I feel like I'm starting to ramble on, so I'll go before i bore you to death. I'll talk to you soon (i hope),
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