|Current mood:|| thoughtful|
I got leid!
Today we had our annual (well, I guess it's annual, I've only attended it for two years) HOSA luau. Anthony handed out the leis. All of them were white which, as I pointed out, wasn't very festive. He didn't say anything to that, and I don't blame him. After everyone got situated -- what I mean by this is 'when everyone got chairs,' since there are never enough chairs in the Allied Health room -- we voted for officials. Max, who 'handles money very well' (those are his words, not mine; I don't think illegally selling lollipops on campus makes you great at handling money) became Treasurer. Some bouncy cheerleaders and their friends got the rest of the spots. Needless to say, I only cheered for Maxie. :)
I never do things like that. I could never bring myself to do something like that again. Running for some office? I remember that I was Secretary for my school's French Club in ninth grade, and the memory of the day I stood up to give my speech still terrifies me. I looked out on a sea of faces that were, with me trapped in this skeletal body that wore khaki highwaters and had puffy hair, secretly mocking. So it seemed. My heart beat fiercely; I felt my face grow flush and warm as I meted out a few words. My nervousness probably stems from the disastrous "campaign" for secretary I did in seventh grade, when I was looked down upon by nearly everyone in my preppy "classical" school. We taped our speeches so that they could be played on our school's television network thing, and during my speech, I froze. I couldn't think of what to say. I had humiliated myself and I knew it and I was so ugly and I wish it would have just gone away. I ran out of my homeroom when the speeches started playing, but that didn't hide me from the shame. My English teacher mocked me. I was laughed at wherever I went. Corey, who went to middle school with me, still talks about it sometimes. So yeah, maybe that made me lose my taste for any sort of leadership. But I'm still happy for Maxie.
After the voting, we ate. There wasn't any pizza this year, but there was barbeque chicken, which was somehow better. I had two plates of (almost) everything, like the pig I am. Yet I'm still losing weight, and I'm not even trying! Take that, wannabe anoretics!
I would also like to say I recant everything I ever said about hating Taylor. She's very nice, even if she's a bit too religious for my taste (she's against homosexuality, and though I admire her morals, it's not cool). We have lab partners in Chemistry, you know, and it just so happens that she was mine. She has this kind of sarcastic, mocking way of talking about everything that I like, probably because it reminds me of me. A thing about her that surprised me was the fact that she doesn't curse. Ever. I really don't curse a lot, or I try not to, and it made me so happy to find out that *GASP* another teenager's vocabulary isn't comprised of gratuitous 'fuck's and 'damn's!
All right, enough of comparing her to me. I guess I've realized (again) that not everybody hates me and that everything's as black-and-white as I kind of wish it was. I used to think that way in middle school (it really was kind of me vs. them until eighth grade, but never mind) and earlier. I wish it was still that way. Then I wouldn't have to feel guilty. It's girls like Ashley Cothran that I need to watch out for, girls that are needlessly cruel. Luckily I'm not around her anymore. But there's always another...
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