| Current music: | T.B.M. [incase bastards read] |
This is the last time I'll be confused, or compromise my emotions.
It's so odd, how people can change so much in such a short amount of time. How you can find yourself, a different person than you were merely weeks before. How your outlook on life, and people can change drastically with the absence of a loved one.
As the "year anniversary" creeps up, I find myself, once again, contemplating growing old. I wonder if I will grow old with you. I wonder if I am fortunate enough to wake up everyday, by your side. I miss you when you're gone. So much so, that my stomach hurts, I get little sleep, or eat. When I do get my measely sleep, I wake up hugging my pillow. It's so scary to be so dependent.
Sometimes I feel so lost. I feel so scared for no apparent reason. I will just get so worried about anything, and want to cry. I don't like being alone with myself, because I think too much when I'm alone. I don't want to think about the bad things, I just want to ignore them and pretend they went away. I try to distract myself by blasting music so loud, that it is impossible to think. I don't enjoy being contemplative, and/or over-analystic.
Thus, is the melodrama that makes up my pitiful mind.
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