Beth Alyssa (neverwas) wrote, @ 2004-08-11 22:43:00

Current mood:

good

Strange Moods
I'm in a good artsy mood. Feel like smoking a cigarette (which i plan to take care of as soon as i finish).

Hope everyone is doing better. People seem to be in an off mood. Including those in my non e-life: Jon and his family.

I miss my family a lot. I wish they were here instead. Jon's family is weird. Nice but weird.

Haven't heard from much of my family as way of a congratulations on the new house. I'm a little disappointed in that. I don't know. I guess I expect too much of them sometimes. But come on - I just bought a freakin' house. A little note that says "Way to go" wouldn't hurt them but 37 cents and a little ink and paper. I don't know - is it too much to expect. . . or is buying a house not a big of a deal as I make it out to be?

ah well.

Submitted some new photos to DeviantArt. Check out my gallery here: http://hatsnsocks.deviantart.com/gallery/

I'm proud of myself.

I wish all of you lived around me. I'd have much more fun. All of my friends on this site have so many good qualities. Why can't I find that in the people around me. I think I come off as hostile in person?

I'd like to know what others think of me, my strengths, my weaknesses. I wonder what my vibe is. I wish I could just step outside myself for a day and see me without prejudice.

Anyway, off to that cigarette. I think I'll meander through my art book as well. Maybe find some inspiration.

Have a lovely night. Look at the stars and imagine how microscopically small you appear to them.

antilapsarian 2004-08-12 11:47 (link)

People tend to have different personalities online than off, too, don't forget. I've gotten better, but I often avoid confrontation in real life. I'm opinionated, but too often have just been a polite pushover...a "nice young man" if you will to the little old ladies. LOL Meanwhile, I'm goofy and very organized...you'd never get all that from the self I present in my journal. I'd like to think that anonymously we all are our "true" selves. Out there in the world we play many roles...often forcibly. It can be hard to find what I'll call a "spiritual match" when everybody has a mask on. Why do you think you come off as hostile in person? PS Did you see the meteor showers last night, speaking of stars? My girlfriend and I went out to look but it was too cloudy here. (Reply to this) (Thread)

neverwas 2004-08-13 00:16 (link)

if i had known there were meteors up there i would looked longer! :( As for coming off as a hostile person. . . i just don't seem to be able to make friends very easily. i guess hostile might not be just right, but definately unapproachable. when i meet people, especially other couples, and we hit it off pretty well and the wife says, hey we should do something sometime. . . we never do. and part of that is me because i'm not socially comfortable, especially on the phone. i push myself to call my current friends. . . but i can't imagine that EVERYONE i've met is this way. maybe everyone i've met is that way. or too good at being polite. anyway, i do notice that you have a goofy side, but it definately doesn't come out too often here. (and usually it comes out in comments more than posts. and i pictured you to be as organized as i am, though now i think you may be more so. i like to organize things once i have a lot of it all in one place. but if new stuff comes in or something is placed somewhere else, it usually stays "un-filed" until there are more of the same floating all over my house. then i go scoop it all up and put it away at once. can't say i thought you were a push-over. i did picture you as very respectful, especially with elders. i've always pictured you as a gentlemen because of how much you do for your grandmother. i'm sure it comes out in other aspects even though you haven't said anything specifically. and you are one of those that i don't think i would be intimidated to say, "hey, i'm in your area. we should grab a sandwich or a coffee." a lot of people i know on the internet don't come off as honestly as you do. so that's cool too. hope if you're ever out here you'd feel the same, cuz i could show you and your gf some really cool areas in the NW that most out of towners wouldn't see. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

antilapsarian 2004-08-13 10:27 (link)

Aww, thanks! Yeah, my girlfriend actually has been trying to plan some get-togethers with her friends at her website for when we visit Chicago. They're a much tighter community and always hosting little gatherings around the nation. So often people are really quiet, reserved, maybe shy, and people assume they are assholes or that they don't like people. So I know what you mean. I don't make friends that easily either because I'm not that outgoing and I'm not that social...so I tend to form a few really tight, long-lasting relationships instead of a lot of people I casually know. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)