Todat is my first day writing in my ONLINE journal. WOOHOO. I hope to keep up with this and keep it exciting and real.
My life is in constant motion and change. I am starting to think for myself and start to understand what it is I want. I am still unclear in this way of thinking. (Yah know, for myself). I have certain goals that I am starting to make for myself.
* That I will go back to school.
* I will get financially secure
* I will get a new vehicle
* I will own my own home.
Those are the basics. From there I am debating where I want to live, what kinda of career I am looking for, and I am still on the search for meeting that one person that makes me feel validated. I know that sounds awfully co-dependant, but I am just looking for someone who is nice and kind. Someone that I can share my day, week , month, and life with. Someone that is on their own path, but still wants me to come along for the ride.
Maybe I am asking too much? I dont think so though. I just want to be overall happy.
I am trying to be more open minded in my life and allow less the boxes that I have let society place me in. I do not want to identify as gay anymore. I dont think that that fully explains who I am. I prefer the term queer. Then I am free to be what I am and what I want to be, with people saying, "well a GAY person isnt like that". I think that more of that comes from the gay community than the straight community. I am tired of GLBT activists trying to say that we are like everyone else, WE ARE NOT. Queers have their own culture, their own way of doing things. That needs to be respected and honored. I am so sick of gay men saying they want someone "straight acting", what is that? Who defines a way that people act as begin gay or straight? I don't think it looks very straight for a man so suck another mans dick, or to have a dick in his ass. This is not what I think when I think of straight.
Today's society is so funny. We have the new (and overtly used term) "Metro-sexual", where straight men are trying to have fashion sense and decorating skills. Then we have gay men, wanting to date someone who is "straight acting" . It seems that gays are trying to be straight and straights are trying to be gay. WHY?!?!?! I don't understand how we still haven't gotten to a place in life to where people can just be who they are. I do not want to be like anyone else. I just want to be me. I face homophobia and transphobia all the time. Even where I work, which is at an AIDS agency. The lines are very thick when it comes to the straight people hanging together and the queer people hanging together. It has gotten to a point where it is just ridiculous.
But anyway, I am done venting for today. Phew, I feel better.
Until later.. give me the strength to speak true and spread the peace.
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