|Current mood:|| crappy|
|Current music:||Jesus christ superstar - I have to know|
Last night my friend Tosh spent the night and she stayed up talking to her boyfriend, or um love interest Josh. My best friend.
here's how it went.
Sweetsacredbliss: hey. what if i just talk to you now that way you dont have to worry about it?
Sweetsacredbliss: *sigh* on here or phone
Sweetsacredbliss: *sigh* i guess.
Sweetsacredbliss: everything i have to say isnt going to fit in this small margin though
Deadkennedy02: yeah it will
Deadkennedy02: its called maximizing
Deadkennedy02: and then if you run out of room
Deadkennedy02: then keep typing
Sweetsacredbliss: and you dont think telling you away from the distractions on the internet might help you listen to what im saying a little better
Deadkennedy02: im not really doing anything
Deadkennedy02: so i dont see a problem
Sweetsacredbliss: your not talking to anyone else. i thought that was the point of being online
Sweetsacredbliss: doing something.
Deadkennedy02: notr really
Deadkennedy02: me being online so i can dl songs
Deadkennedy02: stop wasting time and start typing
Sweetsacredbliss: or instead of wasting your fucking time i guess my feelings wouldnt matter much....since im so fucking pushy and bitchy why do you even fucking bother
Sweetsacredbliss: it seems as though you would rahter just get it over with as if youve heard this before
Deadkennedy02: this is why i didnt want to do it, because youd just bitch and moan and not tell me anything
Sweetsacredbliss: i want to thats why i asked. fucking a. why the hell would i even try if i didnt have anything to say.
Deadkennedy02: fuck tosh
Deadkennedy02: whatever, if you cant handle talking about something important then forget it
Sweetsacredbliss: no i can thts why i wanted to talk in person. no hanging up no ignoring. but i get the feeling you dont have time to
Sweetsacredbliss: it doesnt seem like you ever have time to. and i know your busy and all but fuck. you have time for everyone else
Deadkennedy02: again, its all about you isnt it? you always think i never ever have time for you, what makes you think im out and about with everyone but you? maybe i didnt want to talk to you either, because youd just complain and basically tell me how bad of a person i am and shit
Sweetsacredbliss: no. your completely fucking wrong. all i do is want to workout things with you. all i do is say how i want to be able to have a friendship with you. and yet i try to explain what the problems are and you act as if there only yours. no there both of ours. its not all you beleive me.
Deadkennedy02: whatever, im wrong all the time right? if you want to work things out how bout you try to be a little more mature and actually start a convo without you throwing insults at me?
Deadkennedy02: you didnt even let the convo start and you started bitchin
Sweetsacredbliss: this is part of it josh
Deadkennedy02: Sweetsacredbliss: or instead of wasting your fucking time i guess my feelings wouldnt matter much....since im so fucking pushy and bitchy why do you even fucking bother
Sweetsacredbliss: thats part of how i feel.
Deadkennedy02: i didnt even get to say anything to a nice calm question or anything
Deadkennedy02: you just start slinging shit at me
Deadkennedy02: thats why i didnt want to talk
Sweetsacredbliss: *sigh* im sorry. im just really fucking stressed. and everythings been buildng up thats why i wanted to do this sooner.
Sweetsacredbliss: you just.
Sweetsacredbliss: i mean it would be a lot easier in front of you. it harder to let out anger that way
Deadkennedy02: no it wouldnt
Deadkennedy02: cuz id be pissed off
Deadkennedy02: you arent even handling this in a good way, skipped over the basics and went right to the venting
Sweetsacredbliss: why would you be pissed off. its not like i havent had a calm conversation with ou about how ive felt before.
Sweetsacredbliss: im upset. im sure you know the feeling you do it to me too. just without words
Deadkennedy02: that made me feel great@
Deadkennedy02: now i understand why you wasted your time with me
Deadkennedy02: because im the biggest ass in the world
Sweetsacredbliss: your not josh.
Sweetsacredbliss: not all the time
Sweetsacredbliss: or else i wouldnt have wasted my time with you
Deadkennedy02: oh but i am
Sweetsacredbliss: how is that?
Deadkennedy02: Ok, im done arguing, im just going to say what i had planned to say
Sweetsacredbliss: i say something nice and you say that im wrong
Deadkennedy02: I think you shoud move, i think you should get away from here, because youre happier there. And it seems that if youre here, youre always pissed of or sad or depressed. There youre spirit is up and everything is peachy keen. And i think you would like it better, and anything that makes you that happy should be done, and i dont want to be in the way of that.
Sweetsacredbliss: your not josh. i thought it would also be better for you.
Deadkennedy02: No, it wouldnt
Deadkennedy02: but thats not the point
Deadkennedy02: im better off then most people here, and for you to be as gleeful as you were, id kill and sacrifice to give that to you, because that kind of feeling shouldnt be taken from somone
Deadkennedy02: even if it means for me to miss you, its not like id never see you again, or stop talking to you, or stop thinking about you.
Deadkennedy02: meg moved
Deadkennedy02: i still talk to her
Deadkennedy02: sierra moved, i still talk to her, i even saw her over valentines day break
Sweetsacredbliss: ever since ive moved here everything between me and you has been down hill and i hate that. i regret it most of all yet again i dont because i did in fact move here to be with you. to be around you because it hurt not being able to see you. and i still regret the fact that ive changed everything, ive somehow done something wrong to fuck things up. i hate it. in a sense i think im smothering you or we see eachother to much. and i feel like im just standing in the way. maybe being away from yu was a good thing. maybe me being here is too much.
Deadkennedy02: but thats not the point, the point is YOU being happy
Deadkennedy02: more then a few minutes or hours
Sweetsacredbliss: no its not this isnt all about me. if i recall i was the one called selfish and abondoning my friends if you remember correctly. and that compells me because i honestly didnt think you would cares a much as it seems you do. i want to leave for you. for me. and for a lot of reasons. i dont think this is for my happiness i think its partcially for yours too
Deadkennedy02: no, in this case
Deadkennedy02: its about both of us
Deadkennedy02: because if youre happy, then so am i
Sweetsacredbliss: thats not true
Deadkennedy02: yes it is
Sweetsacredbliss: i could be happy here.
Deadkennedy02: but you arent
Sweetsacredbliss: i want to know what you feel about me. you just want to be friends correct? this is what ive been going off of.
Sweetsacredbliss: this is what im trying to make work but the more i think about it, it cant work.
Sweetsacredbliss: i could try. but there always going to be something in the way of our friendship, seeing how we dont have any friendship to go by.
Deadkennedy02: how could you say that?
Sweetsacredbliss: how often do we actually have a conversation, a conversatoin that means something. i normally hear how you feel by someone else. you never tell me. what kind of a friendship would we have if we never share our thoughts.
Deadkennedy02: my god
Deadkennedy02: i cant believe you
Deadkennedy02: just because i dont completley spill my guts doesnt mean we're not friends, have you ever thought of me not doing so because i dont want to touch a certain area of conversation because of what it might cause?
Sweetsacredbliss: it would help more than anything. how much have we caused just by not telling eachother.
Deadkennedy02: no it wouldn
Sweetsacredbliss: we never tell eachother. and if we do its rare.
Sweetsacredbliss: why wouldnt it?
Deadkennedy02: because it might piss someone off
Sweetsacredbliss: what purpose im i to you josh? what am i to you? why do you want to be friends? i need to know i honestly do. because i dont know how ive done anything for you. i dont know why i seems so meaningless and then i finally do something i finally do something about all this shit and then it seems as if you do indeed care,
Deadkennedy02: jesus, why are you soo worried about how much we are friends? i dunno, i think of you as a friend because ive known you for so long, ive talked to you about things i wouldnt ever open my mouth to other people, youre there, i mean what the fuck tosh, why wouldnt i want you as a friend?
Sweetsacredbliss: it doesnt seem so. yu say you do but by action it just doesnt seem so sometimes.
Deadkennedy02: its like talking to a brick wall tosh, who else would i let come over and cuddle with me? who else would i complain about abortion and bitch so in depth about people and share feelings and comments?
Sweetsacredbliss: just by the things i hear sometimes it just doesnt seem like you do.
Deadkennedy02: hmm, and what do you hear from whom? and why the fuck are you even listening to twisted around bullshit
Deadkennedy02: you should know better
Sweetsacredbliss: because of the things you have done.. its hard to trust only what you say. im trying to but sometimes im just afraid you going to pull something on me again.
Sweetsacredbliss: and this whole friendship seems one sided.
Sweetsacredbliss: im always there for yo josh when havent i, unless ive been pushed away
Deadkennedy02: how many times have i "pulled" something on you?
Sweetsacredbliss: skalapolooza, libby, fucking white lies. little shit. although it does matter believe it or not. a lot of the things you do matter. and im sure my actions do to because it seems youd rather be there when i dont need you than when i really do
Deadkennedy02: whens the last time i lied to you?
Sweetsacredbliss: i dont know. youve had time to see me all week and havent been up to it. maybe im wrong but it seemed as though you were trying to get out of it or put it off
Deadkennedy02: actually i haventy
Deadkennedy02: and maybe youre just paranoid?
Sweetsacredbliss: maybe i am. but do i not have a reason to be.
Deadkennedy02: if you feel that way then why still look to me as a person at all?
Sweetsacredbliss: believe it or not your character has a lot to do with being human
Deadkennedy02: i didnt say human, i said a person
Sweetsacredbliss: people are human
Sweetsacredbliss: and person would be too
Deadkennedy02: no, there is a vast difference