| Current mood: |  depressed |
| Current music: | snow patrol - how to be dead |
wish i could change who i am...
currently im sitting here listing to snow patrol - how to be dead. and i think its amamzing, the lyrics are jsut fantastic! but then again a depressing song liek this isnt exactly what i nedd right now. god i find myself picking me apart. listing all my faults and compairng myslf constatly to those i consider to be 'perfect' or 'above me'. i sit here soem times thinking i am who i am, each to his own, but i feel like im trying to convince a non beliver. its like trying to convert a deaf person, your mouth is moving and your using all your best lines to make them belvie what your telling them but in the end it doesnt matter because they cant hear a word.
but latly ive been wishing that i was anyone but myself. god id give anything to look and act different, jsut to be a whole different person. its gotten to the point where when ever i see myself in the mirror i fucking hate what i see looking back at me. im sick of being a fat ugly spotty teenager. god i see some of my firends take people leike kate, ella, carys and lizzie ( to name but a few) thier amazing looking people with plenty of people aorund to tell tem that. i spend ages getting ready to go any where, even to schhol because i know that my beatuiful friends are going to be thier. its like these people are never alone. okay lets take guys for an example, thiers always one guy or another chasing my friends. and i know im not alone in saying this, cosi know dman well im not the only girl out tiher who feels like this, but its never hard t onotice how mcuh attention some people get. and its these people who are those beatuful size 8 that people worship. god without soundin like osme big headed bitch i would love to have that osrt of attention, if i had the option thiers nothing i wouldnt change about myself. even my personality, i hate my personality. like ive siad before i wish i wasnt so loud and weird when im around people. because i know hats what everyone thinks i am, 'weird'. im jsut that annoying weird one who annoyes people. and its only infront of people that i become hat extrovert type personality, im so differnt when im alone. i better people would like me so much more if i was like that all the time. if i was cute and giggly, if i was smart and fuuny. not into weird things like computer games. i dont like the person i am. i wish i could change who i am.
im sorry i jeep writing entires like this but this is pretty much my only outlet.
(Post a new comment)
 |  sorry.
 sweetqueen
2004-11-15 16:40
(link) |
Sorry, i know that i don't know you but i found your blurty and it just made me sad.
A lot of girls feel like this all the time, and it is so hard to be a teenage girl now a days, with all the models, and all the 'perfect' looking people out there. But the thing is, everyone, even every guy has their own picture of what they see as perfect. There are probably girls out there wishing that they could be you everyday, guys that like you but are too shy to say anything, because you seem to knock them off their feet with your personality. The one thing that you have to remember though, is that comparing yourself to people around you, and trying to fit into someone's catogory of perfect, or such, is a hard thing to do. Because if it's someone that you are trying to please other then yourself, that you may not even know them 10 years from now, and you may not even remember who they are. So you shouldn't try to change yourself for anyone other then yourself. And just because you like computer games, and other things some people may classify as 'weird' doesn't mean that there isn't some guy out there who wants a girl like you who is into those things. Cause there sure are.
I know this probably didn't help you, and possibly bother you, and i am sorry for that. i just hope that you feel better.
(Reply to this) (Thread) |
|
just_drew
2004-11-16 14:10
(link) |
just be yourself hol! you say you have trouble getting along with people at the moment and your trying to be like other people? well just try being yourself- who cares if people think your strange? their the one with the problem! and lets face it most of the people in our sixth form are about as interesting as wet mud (although i realise thats quite interesting)!
and what if you succeed? if you trying to fit into a mould and people like you that way then you'll never b able to b yourself again but if you find just one person who likes you for being you then isnt that worth so much more and wouldnt you feel so much more fulfilled?
(sorry for sounding like trisha)
xxxxxxxx
Drew(Reply to this) (Thread) |
|
pixies89
2004-11-17 10:02
(link) |
I know it sounds lame, but you should use this time as a time to reflect and re-evaluate things...
If you feel down, its because youre forcing yourself to be miserable... i know its easy to slip in to depression but in the end you only make things much harder on yourself... don't feel guilty about it... even if you think you're annoying people its you whose the one who's suffering most from it. A preoccupation with your own faults can only ever be self-destructive.
In the end, i think sincerity is the most attractive quality in a person. As soon as you start *trying* to be someone else, you lose your sincerity and your individuality... people who try to fit in or do things which go against themselves become the most boring, transparent people in the world. Do the things which *really really really* make you happy, and happiness will follow I promise :)
Im sorry if this doesn't make much sense but its the conclusion I came to after months of soul-searching... hehe
Carys x x x
(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread) |
(Post a new comment)
|
